Why Saying "No" to Narcissists is So Hard

[BonesMS]

I think it showed that too, Bones.
In his case, though, I'd say N, plus S(ociopath), and perhaps nearly P(sycopath) at times.

Quite a combo.

Hops

Quite a combo is RIGHT!!!

OUCH!!!!

Bones

[Guest]

Oh dear

Here here Amber

i can't believe I wrote that! Where? Here? Whaddya say?

Yep, very important when you haven't got any. Power, security (which I used to say, security) it's all meanings.

money=power myth believers forget that money is finite

Right, so that's what's going on in their heads! They actually don't understand that if you spend the whole lot there won't be any left? Well heck. I'm not crying over it.

At the other end of the scale, I know someone who hardly spent anything, was paranoid about being 'ripped off' and left a lot of money on death. I think the pile of cash was a direct representation of their personal value and worth in life. Which is pretty sad. Money as proof of identity?

[sKePTiKal]

Money as proof of identity is tragic - beyond sad.

So much more to life than that, n'est-ce pas?

[Guest]

Tragic to us, yes. Tragic to the person?
It's like empathy for Ns.
If one is locked into a way of being, fear stopping any movement/change, then the status quo is what one wants. And you get what you want. You may forfiet relationships and life along the way, but if that's what you can cope with..
well i agree, it's tragic.
And i think I'm the only one that sees that (except you Amber!).
So yeah...anyway.

[Twoapenny]

Hi Sun,

Saying no is when my problems started!  And, as others have pointed out, saying no unleashes a whole host of N wrath on the head of the person saying it.  For me, it was a death/birth experience - I suppose literally in having the baby they all wanted me to abort, but also it was the start of the death of the ever smiling, Stepford wife type doormat I was and the birth of someone who slowly got better and better at speaking her mind, standing up for herself, setting some boundaries and re-claiming her life.

I'm sorry to hear of the situation you're in.  It's tough, especially when your heart is in being supportive but it means having to be part of a family that can cause you so much pain.  But you are right, even the most acute situations fail to illustrate their dysfunctional behaviour to them.  My mum and step-dad have six children between them.  Only one speaks to both of them.  I did point out to my mum once that, if five of my kids wanted nothing to do with me I might start thinking it was me who had the problem not them.  She responded with another false allegation to the doctors about my son.

Keep focusing on keeping you healthy.  Keep saying no.  Keep taking time and space for you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Sun)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[OnlyMe]

I just found a note I had written after Christmas 2008.  I had started a journal, back then, but only wrote for four days.

NM was visiting for the holidays, and after lunch on Christmas Day, asked if I would cut her hair.  (Her hair was lovely, didn't need trimming, NM only needed the attention - I'm not a hairdresser, but had started trimming it a bit, whenever I'd visit her, trying to be kind to her, because she is in her nineties.)  I said: Gee, not now, because it is Christmas DAY - we can do this any other day."  Later she came to me, I was still preparing Christmas food in the kitchen - and she had something in her hand, asking where the garbage can might be.  I said there was one in her bathroom.  She said she didn't want to fill it up. I said it was fine. She kept asking where we put the garbage.  I said there was another one under the kitchen sink.  Then she opened up her fist and handed me a handful of her own hair, and said she had cut it herself.   
Read: I had said "no"... so she chopped off chunks of her hair herself....Christmas Day.  Guess she was teaching me a lesson!