Do antidepressants work?

[sKePTiKal]

Hi Ales... I'll explain in another thread "Active vs Passive". Your reply pushed me to think about just what I did mean... how I define that... and what it consists of. I worked through a ton of lack of motivation a few years ago - and I'm still trying to find "the switch" that turns this on for me. I think it's able to be "mobile"... it's not just one thing... something like that. I'm still on that healing spiral, so I'm dealing with some of the stuff I thought I was "done" with... on another level or different perspective... again. (Oh, the irony...)

One thing that occurred to me, reading everyone's input, is that perhaps a good way to think of anti-Ds is as a crutch. Usually, we "feel" that word to be totally negative in significance and impact... akin to or on it's way to addiction... and yet, the whole purpose of a physical crutch is that it's used as support until "something" heals - a broken leg or foot, for instance - to avoid reinjury or overwhelming pain. When healing is far enough along, one can limp along without the crutch and that strengthens the broken body part. So, what is this "magic healing"?

There are lots & lots of different flavors of it... and sometimes it takes a while to find the flavor you respond to or "like" or that fits you, the best. I was very, very lucky in that I found mine, right off. After being told I was able to continue that work on my own... that's what I've been doing. I've been flying solo for about 4-5 years now. (well - OK - I'm not completely alone! I've got family and all of you on the board...). One way of describing what this healing is, is that I'm changing my thinking about things; my perspective on whether something is good, bad, irrelevant, overwhelming, impossible, achievable, ideal, etc. And in the process, my attitudes about things are changing... so my process is "organic"... in the sense, that I'm growing more active over time, and losing my own lack of motivation... and also beginning to understand WHY I'm struggling with it so much.

About depression, I might've described myself (or even been described) as depressed, with a huge side serving of anxiety with it. In the past. Now, I can see that differently... and my lack of motivation and passivity regarding caring for/about myself and making the changes I wanted in my life... now, I understand that there was this "perfect storm" in my life that left me little choice except to be this way in order to survive until the day I could really change this. It wasn't the "natural", real or genuine me... it was a maladaptation I made to my FOO-mess. And wow, once I saw that, a lot of my misery disappeared - just like magic. It lifted enough for me, to begin clearing away the old, obsolete, and useless crap I was clinging to, in order to insulate myself from more pain (see crutches above). Anyway... that makes it possible for "me" to be "separate" from "the way I am"... and study it enough to understand and see how to "edit" it... which starts the momentum of growth, development and what we call "change".

MAYBE... this would work for someone who is biologically "depressive"... I surely don't know, nor do I know how one would or could tell the two kinds of depression apart. Because the experiences are pretty much identical. But, we'll investigate and discuss over the new thread, once I get unpacked and have some down time to think again!

[Ales2]

For those that have been keeping track - I took Lexapro 10 mg from Mid August to mid-October when I went on 20 mg Celexa (change was only because its generic).  I was participating in a study and their assessment was that I was helped by the medication, even though I disagree. They suggested that sometimes people dont realize they are better when they are.  No such luck. Not sure I like someone telling me how I feel.

Last week thursday I decided to stop taking the medication because I dont think it helps. (I have 8 pills left). Not feeling worse or better yet either.  So, does it work? Probably not. Its would be 12 weeks, so that would be enough to see the benefits.

This was a last resort for me and have medication that doesnt work is making it worse, I'm feeling that nothing I do or try will help me get better. Hopelessness sets in.

[Ales2]

It sounds like I contradicted myself - I dont think anti-d's work, and while I dont FEEL worse yet, I do feel worse if I think that there is nothing left for me to try to feel better.

[Hopalong]

I've heard some people get more benefit when they're actually on two types of anti-Ds...
have you ever asked about that?

I'm sorry you're feeling so discouraged, Ales...have faith, don't give up.

Hops

[Ales2]

Hi Hops - I have been told that two might work wonders, especially with my apathy/lack of productivity problem - supposedly Wellbutrin is good for that. Problem is now that I am out of the study, I have nowhere to go to get another prescription. I was referred to low cost clinic, but not a specific doctor, so I would have to go through the process again and its too difficult to be one of these patients who goes in requesting specific prescriptions. So, nowhere to go and nothing else to try.


Also, someone told me something yesterday that stuck with me and I am trying to digest. Her POV was that kids of Ns who grew up depressed and withdrawn, kind of like I did, dont realize their own moods have been oppressed by those around them (not just the people, but the environment). Those people tend to be more passive and more likely to believe something is wrong with them when nothing is (aside from the negative environment) and so they go off seeking remedies (of various kinds) that ultimately dont work, while not realizing they are more in control of their moods and life than they realize.  That description sounds an awful lot like me, so I have to wonder if it applies to my depression as well. 

Thanks for your post. 

[sKePTiKal]

Ales - this really was true of me:

... kids of Ns who grew up depressed and withdrawn, kind of like I did, dont realize their own moods have been oppressed by those around them (not just the people, but the environment).

It was a case, of where I learned to assign negative values to my feelings - all of my feelings pretty much... because of how I was treated, or neglected or told I was crazy and imagining things... what we call "gaslighting", only I was gaslighted about myself. Basically, it made me focus on "me" as a the source of all that was wrong and bad and accidents and it was all my fault. There was something "wrong" with me. Something that couldn't be diagnosed; it wasn't an allergy... all the time. It wasn't brain damage. It wasn't anything physical at all.

Sometimes, we experience either long-term or traumatic invalidation of our personhood; our identity and self. And it's this invalidation that convinces us that everything bad that happens or is experienced is "all our fault" - because of WHO WE ARE - rather than the more obvious explantion of circumstances, or mistakes, or accidents - or sick parents or abusive environments/families. A while back, I found a web site that had some easy to follow - and very helpful information. I saved the link for invalidation, because this is the closest explanation for why I grew to believe those rediculous things about myself. Maybe you'll find some inspiration and explanations and connections there too.

http://eqi.org/invalid.htm

The good news is that this state of "who we are" and "how we are" can change. Support from others who've been changing, trying to change, trying to figure out WHAT to change... was/is the most important "treatment" or technique or philosophy that I needed. Maybe you too? Guess what this board enables us to do?

[SilverLining]

Also, someone told me something yesterday that stuck with me and I am trying to digest. Her POV was that kids of Ns who grew up depressed and withdrawn, kind of like I did, dont realize their own moods have been oppressed by those around them (not just the people, but the environment). Those people tend to be more passive and more likely to believe something is wrong with them when nothing is (aside from the negative environment) and so they go off seeking remedies (of various kinds) that ultimately dont work, while not realizing they are more in control of their moods and life than they realize.  That description sounds an awful lot like me, so I have to wonder if it applies to my depression as well. 

Thanks for your post. 

I think you are really onto something there Ales.   In my case, I don't believe I was born withdrawn and depressed, but I certainly became that way after 20 years of dealing with the environment primarily created by the FOO.  Depression and withdrawal in effect was a defensive reaction or "bad habit" that came to seem normal over time.  And this has physical/chemical effects.  The chemical effects are just symptoms of the depressed state, and thus the depression is not going to be chemically cured without changes of thought and mind (IMO). 

I went through the false process of chemical cure many times and the outcome was always the same.  After a short burst of stimulation and euphoria,  I ended up in the same place I was before, except with the additional problem of chemical side effects.