Painfully blunt boundary lessons lately after dropping dd16 at school, running to DMV to get license renewed (2.5 hours) with 10 minutes to spare before home bound school meeting for oldest dd back at the school, then downtown for lunch, and happy connection at local artist gallery where dd and I meandered for an hour before I had to drop her then run back to school for meeting on Japan trip with youngest dd before running to first parenting coach meeting.
2.5 hours of very blunt lessons with Parenting Coach who invited youngest dd INTO the meeting, which is how I saw that going anways. DD16 and I both quite shocked by the.... bluntness of the boundaries. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever understood what a hard boundary looks like.
There have to be limits, and I'm right there, standing on them, and noticing sometimes I don't know what I'm standing on as I'm standing. Revelation, honestly.
Good news is DD18 put a good plan in place for finishing senior year, earlier that day. Anxiety, and depression are something she's going to have to learn to deal with, and overcome, like everyone else.
I realize I'm typically held hostage by the girls' valleys, and that's MY thing to deal with, and overcome.
I have another appointment, with different Parenting Coach. Will be interested to hear if it's exact same, or different. Will attend without youngest this time... this time just for me.
Switching back to Thursday evening's parenting coach appointment.... DD16 and I were a few minutes late coming from Japan meeting... dd going very soon on school trip, and we wheeled into the wrong parking lot. I left DD the keys, and money for parking, figured out the quickest way TO the front door was UP a very steep 2 part hill, so dug my heels in, and hustled to the appointment, which was harder still, bc T not listed ANYWHERE, and she finally picked up the phone. Just a lot of chaos, which seems to me is typical in my life.
Building was an old girl's school.... very historical, and charming and brick, with high ceilings, and cool fireplaces, and trim. Loved it. So, I get UP the hill, find the T, and we have very long meeting... we were her last appointment.... we get out by 9:30 PM, and I'm too tired to go BACK DOWN the hill, so I ask how to get out at so that we're at the right level. T leads us downstairs, and we pop into an empty parking lot at the back of the building.
We don't see the car. We're tired, and having trouble orienting. DD treks off in wrong direction, away from car.
I realized we're in the wrong lot, and there are 10', 6', and 4' retaining walls leading to our lot, only. Suddenly, I'm longing for the steep embankment again.
Good grief..... I'm looking for another way around, and DD insists we can do this.... and I KNOW we can, but must we? And she's lining herself up, as I'm thinking of all the things that can go wrong.... her knees, my shoulders. DD launches, and sticks the landing.
Her legs are considerably longer than mine, I notice, as I'm lining up the same launch. The grounds still seems pretty far away, even with legs a'dangling, and then I shift all weight to my hands. All systems CHECK.
Something I didn't pay attention to was my coat sleeves.... doubled over folded, and the left slips. My hand violently shifts OFF the wall, and there's HUGE motion in the air (I don't know what it is, bc my body does all it can do to remedy the situation, it's FAST) and I find myself on hands and knees, dress thrown over my head, but otherwise safe.
DD is standing there, facing me, hands raised as though to help. We laugh as dd explains she saw "legs splayed spread eagle in the air, blue panties", and then I was "suddenly in a ball" on the ground, ass out.
Somehow I stuck the landing, but for Pete's sake.....MUST THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME, over and over and over again. I feel as though it was a very good lesson in boundaries, and I failed miserably.
Attempts to piece together the flinging in the air, and landing always send us off in peels of laughter, so we aren't sure how that happened, but I'm reminded......
boundaries.
::nodding::.
Sometimes making up our minds to insist on better options, asking for them, and receiving less than required is an opportunity to INSIST on more options, even if it's not the easiest, or brings up discomfort at asking,when others want us to just say YES.
::shaking head::.
Took youngest dd downtown today, and she commented I was being "mean" to her. What I was doing was pointing out that I didn't want to go over the wall, or allow her to spend the night with a particular friend. I wasn't being mean, I was stating a boundarie, without emotion, and truly she wasn't used to hearing "NO" out of me.
We spoke till we both felt understood, then agreed we'd be kind to each other.... careful with each other. Mindful.
The journey continues.
I've been very busy, and away from the board. Not ignoring.
Lighter