Yup, Tup:
The triggers are like arrows pointing to something that needs attention, huh?
And speaking up about our needs and feelings is something we just have to wrap our minds around, and stop thinking of as world war PD. It's just normal give take ebb and flow in healthy relationships, and people deserve and need to know what's going on in other people's heads in order to relate in a healthy manner.
Sure, it's hard. It feels alien, but the more we do it the easier it gets. The more we realize the adrenaline dumps are just old pd junk we can leave behind, it opens us up to replace with something else.
Something better.
It's painful and any growth takes time.....
if there was no discomfort, we wouldn't be moved to make changes, right?
The discomfort and pain are simply messengers, and I'm glad you've identified the triggers as such. Yay.
I guess we begin to really trust we won't be swallowed by irrational pd insanity again if we put boundaries in place, and defend them appropriately at the first sign of trouble.
PD's start by pushing little boundaries, and if we allow it, they move up to a bigger boundary transgression. If we trust ourselves.... we get better at relating with others without so much stress, and doubt, and fear. We say NO to the pd's, and have room for better things, even if those things don't feel quite right. IF we hang in there, they become familiar, and what becomes familiar becomes habit and what becomes habit becomes pleasure.
Yes.
Light
