My brother and just life and stuff

[Meh]

Shrug, enough about me for the moment How are you Hops?

[Hopalong]

I'm tired too, haven't been sleeping well.
Work's been going well since I kind of got furious enough to "take it back."
Cleaned my office space to a faretheewell, brought in flowers, put my head
down and starting cranking out more work than usual. Makes it go faster.
Even wrote a short intro to my "memoir" about the place...

Tomorrow I head south for a big trade show for four days.
Painful because each time I go, I pass right through my daughter's town.

But I'll be okay. And I do like getting away.

(I had a guy I've never met but online ask me to go on a trip, too!)
So weird. How about, uhhh, a cup of coffee first?

Some of these gentlemen seemed a bit cranked up...

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I am tired that is all folks

G I'm glad you've got yourself a new place and hope that it settles for you and is a bit more comfy than some of your previous ones have been xx

[Meh]

Today was talking to my co-worker ---- (The last posting from your IP was less than 60 seconds ago. Please try again later. and.... You already submitted this post! You might have accidently double clicked, or tried to refresh.  )  Blehhhhhh

Okay...

So Today was talking to my co-worker....

She told me how she was taking time off of work and going to Atlanta Georgia, so I was like:  "Oh cool!!, you should go to the Aquarium, I think it might be the biggest in the USA (unconfirmed lol)"  .... then she said.. "oh... I won't have time for that, we are immediately driving to Alabama to go visit my mother it's her birthday".... (I knew from a prior convo that she didn't have the best relationship with her mother)

So I said: "oh really?...  I thought you didn't get on with her all that well ."... Well she doesn't
Apparently my co-worker bought a house for her mother because she was driving around living in a station wagon with my co-worker's dog... and then was living in a mobile home infested with rats or mice.. so out of some kind of guilt? (She calls in conscious) BOUGHT HER MOTHER A HOUSE. And she sold her own house and moved into an apartment....

I told her to tell her two sisters that she has Diarrhea and then skip out of the mother's birthday party and go play in Atlanta as vacation... She won't have time to do this and apparently she has to check on the house because her mother has burnt down 3 prior houses... yah she says her mother set 3 houses on fire. One time she went on vacation and left all the appliances on, another time she left the iron on... IDK... for real.. wow..

So that is the story that unfolded between me and my co-worker today and all I can think is how common strife is in family... but the fact that she bought her a house amazes me.

---------------

Yesterday one of the manager's told me that her mother calls her and says that she regrets the day she was born... who knows what that is about....

Not sure what my point is only that sometimes it seems like people just are not meant to get along in this world.

[Meh]

I am tired that is all folks

G I'm glad you've got yourself a new place and hope that it settles for you and is a bit more comfy than some of your previous ones have been xx

 

[Meh]

I'm tired too, haven't been sleeping well.
Work's been going well since I kind of got furious enough to "take it back."
Cleaned my office space to a faretheewell, brought in flowers, put my head
down and starting cranking out more work than usual. Makes it go faster.
Even wrote a short intro to my "memoir" about the place...

Tomorrow I head south for a big trade show for four days.
Painful because each time I go, I pass right through my daughter's town.

But I'll be okay. And I do like getting away.

(I had a guy I've never met but online ask me to go on a trip, too!)
So weird. How about, uhhh, a cup of coffee first?

Some of these gentlemen seemed a bit cranked up...

hugs
Hops

Sometimes a little bit of clearing and cleaning a space and a vase of flower helps!!!!   Good that you had a phase of momentum.

I am just going to keep on making changes in my life until something really works out or until I get myself into another pickle.

Yah you got to be careful with dating sites.. some of them may not be in their right mind.   For me I still don't have the guts to meet them in person. Serious social anxiety but also I prefer my own company a lot of the time IDK..

[Meh]

I requested some time off of work, don't know if I will get it but I did ask for it. Just a few days before and after my B-day

Will probably hang with my Gay co-worker dude again on Sunday

[Meh]

7:30 Here west coast time, Bob Marley on the Starbucks speaker system. With my laptop, couldn't sleep well at all last night, asthma and allergy acting up, woke up 3-4 times. Over taking steroid inhalers which is probably not recommended and generic Benadryl . And they charge about $200.00 for a little thing that fits in the palm of my hand, just glad my insurance is working. My Birthday was entered in wrong by the insurance company.

I'm always feeling self conscious about complaining too much but hey, life is about tweaking things until we get it right.

I've got no idea what else to write about this morning. I know there are probably tasks that I SHOULD do.

[Meh]

I haven't seen my mother since my brother died. I texted her: "You never ask me if I'm okay"...... She responds: " I assumed if something was really wrong you would tell me. Hard to know by texting"

Of course that isn't the whole string of back and forths.   

but it is a fact, I don't ever recall her saying "are you okay?"  ever.

I know old old story. But I still have to deposit it somewhere. Maybe I can engrave something dreadful in her memory if she has a spot in her husband's cemetery plot or something. Hum...  I know it's pointless but I wish it was just carved in stone somewhere how lame she has been to me.

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry, Boat...
your mother just doesn't get how unloved you feel.
Breaks my heart.

Just for contrast, I yearn to be welcome to ask my D, are you okay?
She won't answer, not even text. I do not exist. 3 years now. Painful...

Anyway, enough of that one.
My job for that is to re-re-re-re-release it so I don't go around devastated 24/7.

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Today I called in sick to work. Only the 2nd time in like 10 months. Though I feel like I could lose my job over it. I have some PTO that will cover it but still, it is sunny outside so I figure maybe they think I am skipping out.

I called in sick to try and take care of some personal problems that I don't want to explain here because you more or less kind of know about it already.

It's just that I feel like I just want to cry. Like an exasperated :  "hully-ferk" What NOW!?   What ferking now god?   

This morning I called the sick line and went back to sleep for 2 more hours because I have been feeling exhaustion for a long time now. And then when I woke up I had to deal with the situation at hand.

Now I am drinking a cup of coffee. I just have this over-all feeling in life like I am just not doing it right. Not living right. Like even when I plan and do my best something happens but I guess all I can do is keep moving forward. I just had an unexpected $2,000.00 expenditure...  It's just painful in more than one way. I know it's only money but it kind of wipes out my savings from this crumby job. Savings that I had because I live a pretty dull and frugal life trying to save something so I can DO SOMETHING....

Oh well.....

[Hopalong]

That would make me cry too, Boat.
$2000 is brutal, when you've scraped so hard and been so careful.

I am REALLY sorry.

And I REALLY hope you won't despair for long.
You saved it once. You truly can save it again.
You are stronger than you know.

And it is good to cry. An excellent and healing
and alive thing to do. It is good you can feel.

And spring is still here.

Love and comfort,
Hops

[Meh]

Yah, Thanks Hops. I come here and just put stuff. Lots of it is kind of "bad". I don't really have anybody that I talk to though about my life in 3-D. I will come back to this in a second...

But yah, I kind of caught myself because I kind of go into a despair type of feeling. But now it's more like "at least I am okay"... is what my second thought goes to. Not to let any one thing devastate me. Anyways I am not articulating well, I have a long too do list for this evening's chores and tasks and I will frantically start now and see what I can accomplish in the next 60 minutes. My goal is to accomplish 50% of what I need to do in 60 minutes starting NOW. (KE-pew) race starts

And I got about 50% done in 2 hours time. Sigh. But enough is enough.

[Twoapenny]

Today I called in sick to work. Only the 2nd time in like 10 months. Though I feel like I could lose my job over it. I have some PTO that will cover it but still, it is sunny outside so I figure maybe they think I am skipping out.

I called in sick to try and take care of some personal problems that I don't want to explain here because you more or less kind of know about it already.

It's just that I feel like I just want to cry. Like an exasperated :  "hully-ferk" What NOW!?   What ferking now god?   

This morning I called the sick line and went back to sleep for 2 more hours because I have been feeling exhaustion for a long time now. And then when I woke up I had to deal with the situation at hand.

Now I am drinking a cup of coffee. I just have this over-all feeling in life like I am just not doing it right. Not living right. Like even when I plan and do my best something happens but I guess all I can do is keep moving forward. I just had an unexpected $2,000.00 expenditure...  It's just painful in more than one way. I know it's only money but it kind of wipes out my savings from this crumby job. Savings that I had because I live a pretty dull and frugal life trying to save something so I can DO SOMETHING....

Oh well.....

Gosh, G, I can identify with all of this so much - the endless slogging, the endless trying, that feeling like you're constantly swimming against the tide - and then one thing comes along and you've got to start all over again.  It's tough.  I don't know what the answer is.  I am finding life is getting easier for me.  Hopefully it will for you, too.

Completely understand re your mum not bothering to ask if you're okay.  My whole family are very self centred.  They just can't seem to have anyone else in their head space (unless they want something from them).  I'm sort of the opposite, I've had to work at thinking about myself at all because I always thought about everyone else.  It's hard.  Again, no answers.  Only keep chipping away at it, like you do.  It's good to take a duvet day once in a while.  I think the emotional stuff can wear us out more than we realise.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that your next lot of savings can go on something wonderful for you instead of something dull and mundane

[Meh]

Yah, hiya two  , I just got back onto internet service here