Late last night as I became sleepy, the images of a kind mother and father emerged. I had had these images for a week or so. As I fell asleep fear emerged and I was held by the father image and. Then there was a shift. I became the father image holding me. In the middle of the night I woke from a hazy dream engulfed in fear. It was as if a mask had come off, looking through the image of the father I was able to see. The fear I have been living with is enormous. I have pushed through but it is clearly a factor in the obstacle, in the brake.
I cannot describe how great the fear is.
When it came time to get up the fear was again paralyzingly.
There were two dream images - one was a wreck right in front of my drive. I crossed the path and was encourage to hurry home and call the authorities. The two occupants were dead. I was terrified but feeling extremely guilty at not stopping to help and calling the authorities instead. Another image was a man who was embarking on a long and intricate legal case. I was encouraged to offer my services as an assistant. I dressed carefully, selecting professional garb, and worked on a strategy to present myself as a candidate for work. The stakes seemed very high.
*****
I have pulled the covers off of an indescrible bed of fear that I have been repressing. It is so painful. I despise the feeling of raw fear. It is of course tied to rejection and abandonment. The pain is searing.
