carry on up the Khyber

[Gaining Strength]

Sea, I hope you will allow yourself plenty of time to rest, even between necessary work. Sometimes rest is a luxury and sometimes a necessity and sometimes both. But most of all, whether rest comes or not I wish for you that you know it is deserved.  Love and rest to you now and for time to come.

[Hopalong]

Sea,
I love the grace and humor and I don't know...tune (feels more right than "tone") of your writing.
You're elegiac and elegant. Howzzat? And you bet I feel kindred, big time.

You cured the comparing-yourself-to-"approved"-timetables-for-whatever reflex
completely with the raspberry ritual. Woo hoo. Brava.

Just wanted to write today to say, I do not believe it will take you 7 years to recover
from this move. Recovering from your Narcissist was like a wounded mouse crawling
under a fridge to escape a cat and hiding in the dust bleeding for ages until it was
safe, and barely, to scuttle for the door again.

Recovering from your move is more like jet lag. You feel kind of awful and underwater,
but you are ACTUALLY in an amazing new place that is also a harbor, and all good
things await. You'll get out there to engage when you're ready and (since you have
an unlimited expense account on this imaginary sojourn) -- all the cathedrals and
galleries and caviar will still be there. There is no rush. You can hole up in the
Hilton just as long as you like, and plot your outings and new routes one by one.

Even the really short ones, like down the block to a market. Plenty for a week.
Or a month.

hugs
Hops

[sea storm]

Jeez, been sick for two weeks with unknown ailments, aches, sniffles and malaise.  So forced to close down and rest. Feels weird to stop the hamster wheel of business. Most people don't relate to resting for weeks. Nevertheless, I really have to. Every time I try to get busy I just collapse and have to sleep for six hours during the day.

I really appreciate your kind words and I read them several times. Yep, mouse under fridge.  I had to go under the fridge for a refresher course in ...... a dust bunny swaddling in silence and inertia like being in a coma to heal. I looked up the meaning of alacrity today. Such a good word. I am heading that way.

Anyone can hit the wall. It comes when you don't expect it. Funny that there are rules for the road, but how about for the wall. Everyone had a limit that they cannot go beyond. Walls can be climbed over, and tunnelled under. After you hit the wall, and if you survive, you are lucky to make it back up on your knees. Not many survive crashing into the wall. We all know about the wall.
Are you still whole after you hit the wall? You can become a religious person, an alcoholic or you can survive hitting the wall. There are survivors here that have lived through hitting the wall. That is amazing.

I sound like a whinger. Oh well.

Sea

[Hopalong]

I don't hear whingeing.

Yup. You hit the wall. Good lord who wouldn't have? You DID get up the Khyber.

Of course you feel bruised and exhausted. This is OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY!
Really. Don't be afraid of your fatigue and weariness.

They are your wise body talking. Your wise body is telling you--ahh, yes,
six-hour nap now, thank you. And good nutrition (more raspberries) and clear
water. Mmmm. Good. And simple simple simple things.

You want to put clean sheets on the bed today? Lovely. Maybe that'll be
all you feel up to today. This is OKAY. Maybe by evening you'll find another
small thing that feels about the weight and shape of something you can do.
Or not.

Maybe that's it. As "the next thing you need to do" (or next things) rise up,
just test out the weight and shape of one. A simple one. A small one. If it
feels okay in your "hand" -- do that one.

Your body is busy, thank you. It has bruises to heal, new synapses to form,
neurons to soothe, and a great deal of new location information to memorize.

No judging. You be its friend. You be YOUR friend. Watch out for self put-down
talk. (You sneak it in.)

LOVE to you!
Hops