Anything other than anything

[Meh]

I called in sick today but I'm really not. I figure we never get Holidays off of work so shrug who cares.

Ended up sleeping for another additional six hours. I might go out to shop now after I have a cup of tea.

I found out that our commission rates for the holidays is lower than it was in the last two years. I'm not very excited anymore. The Holiday bonus has been kind of fun in the past now it's really not.

Been binge watching millionaire matchmaker.

[Meh]

I'm angry and unhappy. Am heating up some chestnuts on the stove top. Trying to get my energy up to cook something. My "desk" was moved again so now I sit literally right next so someone that farts and belches frequently at his desk. He is a new employee. He had the stupidity to ask me in assisting him with doing his work while he is gone. I wanted to yell at him..   instead I tried to give him a "flip you" face. I told him that his work would go to the bottom of my list of follow up work and that there was a very good chance it wouldn't get done. AND to go give it to his boss.  

Yum I could eat a whole plate of chestnuts for my evening meal. I am so De-motivated that I might. They are much like potatoes really.

[Hopalong]

Ahhh, the flip-you face.
Any resemblance to this?

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/fashion/im-not-mad-thats-just-my-resting-b-face.html

Nboss pressures us to smile and be perky.
We've all learned to force-beam at him when he appears at our desks to personally hand us our paychecks.
He does this every two weeks and intensely stares until he gets warm eye contact and expressions of gratitude.

He doesn't go away happy until he's gotten that "moment." It's soooooooooooo creepy and we've all figured it out.

I often wonder why it never occurs to him to say to an employee, Thank YOU. Before he goes home to his huge paid for house... But he is Nboss. Gratitude for US does not occur to him. It's a one-way Nsupply setup.

But I'm a cynic about work these days. Just accepting it's what I have to do that allows everything else.
My workmate has offered me a seriously helpful though ironic mantra: Care less.

It actually makes me more productive because it helps me put what I'm worked up about into instant perspective.

This job is not where the meaning in my life comes from. It's only the economic stability that allows me to write on my own, talk with a friend in the evening on a phone, have shelter, and buy food. Listen to music. Buy underwear.

(If I were a teacher or paid activist or full-time writer, then the work itself would be very meaningful, but instead I'm just like millions of others...working only to support my freedom and survival the rest of the time. Ain't perfect but for me right now, better than the alternative of being entirely desperate.)

Coworkers should not ask coworkers to do their work (unless it's part of team routine, which I'm sure it's not....)

My sympathies, Boat. Hope the chestnuts were yummy.

Hugs
Hops

[Meh]

I blew up at work. Too many things that are just not feeling right. I finally sent a complaint knee jerk reaction email to the heads of the department I am sure it's not going to be good. They might even fire me but I'm sick of it. It was a combination of my co-worker saying racist crap and some other stuff and I am SICK OF IT.

Eating more chestnuts. It's a carb rich diet for me  

[Meh]

Hi Hops,  OMG that is extreme weirdness Hops at least I have direct deposit. You know I think it's really unnatural to CARE LESS about work though because people put so much TIME into it and there are such high demands and critiques at work.. how can we not care?

If people have a lot of other stuff going on in their life I think some of the smaller things maybe become less of an issue. For real I've got very little meaning in my life. I wouldn't call my job meaningful but it gives me routine. My life is definitely out of balance.

I don't know why you read my en-going saga of whiny-ness. I would be sick of myself by now.

I think the reason why some of this comes up is because I am afraid that if I speak up I am going to be punished. Speaking up about stuff always causes more drama.

My resting biotch face has more disgust in it.

It's DARK here. I get home and it looks like late night already. It's confusing me as I am ready to do nothing as soon as I get home.

[Hopalong]

Well, I'm interested because you work in a customer service center and that's hard work.
And all the other cubicle and corporate things...

And I worry when you get upset about work and don't have other connections/fulfilling things arranged for yourself.

Because of where you were in your life before this job.

And I worry that if you allow yourself to get angry about work too much and show it on the job you might indeed lose the job and then I will worry about you being homeless again.

So I want you to have a group or two you do positive, spirit-feeding things with outside of work.
I want you to do art (with others) and to garden (with others) so you no longer feel like a Martian.

Because you're not. You're smart, creative, and frustrated (the latter being a frequent result of the first two) and you need some organizing happiness sources, and peace.

I think it does all come more readily with time but economic straits make it all a lot harder. Other people can make everything harder but other people can also make everything more beautiful.

Hops

[Meh]

Our power went off yesterday. So wheeeeeeeeeee I got to leave work early!!!! before pitch blackness and rush hour traffic combined turning into a nightmare.

So I ate chips and salsa by candle light and then I went to bed at 6:30 PM   Yayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!    That sleep I have been wanting for such a long time.

Then I woke up around 1200 AM and couldn't go back to sleep. Booooooooooooo!!!!!!

Then I laid their and I guess I eventually went back to sleep. Woke up for work. Called in and the phone line was dead Yayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Called my co-worker friend who drove to work and she said there was a sign on the door saying the business was closed today YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Got a call after 12:00 PM today where my jerk manager was asking me to come in to work if it was convenient for me.  BOOOOOOOOO

Stayed home. YAYYYYYYYY

Guilt of staying home BOOOOOOO

The thought that my employer might be sadly understaffed today. Bwaaaaa HAaaaaaa Haaaaaaaa   

Feeling that my employer just hates me no matter what I do BOOOOOOOOOO

Took a hot shower and listening to country music, cleaning out fridge, getting ready to go out for a walk.  Mehhhhhhh

An extra emergency Holiday off from work  (YAYYYYYY)  from an employer that makes us work on Thanksgiving and all Holidays except for Christmas (Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo). That is right we only get one Holiday off the whole year.

And my employer will probably withhold any kind of bonus from me because I didn't go into today AFTER the sign on the door said closed. Anyways. I guess I better get out now.

[Meh]

Today I snapped at a new manager where I work.

She chastised me in public. Talked to me like I was 4 years old. She jumped on me telling me I was doing it wrong. She and another idiot supervisor had to go speak to the head of the department. The head of the department told them that YES I WAS DOING IT CORRECTLY.

Somehow I am still wrong. I really hate that at my age when I go to work I have parent-child relationships with my superiors. I guess in order for them to feel superior they have to interact with us as if we are children. Today I felt like I was being scolded by a parent. I Complained about it  "confidentially".

There are just so many stupid things that go on there and they expect me to be some kind of feces licking lamb. Anyways. I just needed to get it out.

I always have felt that I am going to be fired there.

[Meh]

Working overtime so the company I work for can make millions this season. Fell HARD on my bum this morning striding over black ice pavement that I didn't see. Was thinking about Christmas decorations. Now home drinking some wine + cheese. Watching netflix - Marvel comics inspired series. Feeling really lonely. Glad that I am home and not out and about late at night though I wish I had the day off and was out doing holiday cheer activities or whatever.

[Meh]

Wish I had the time and energy &&& ALSO motivation to shop and do stereotypical holiday activities but I don't.

[Meh]

Sleepy, drank wine, ate leftovers from earlier this weeeeeeek, AND the ceiling is starting to spin just slightly, the most busy time of the year in retail if not the most wonderful time of the year. Cyber Monday but I've been doing this for a while so it was all fine.

[Meh]

I hate my manager at work. I hope he gets in a car accident and needs many months of bed rest. I can only wish that something would make him disappear only to be replaced by another in the long line of revolving door employees this company has.

[Meh]

I feel voiceless at my job. There is no way to improve how I feel at my job. I feel powerless there. I just go for the money but I am unhappy there.

I hate it. I feel angry and resentful. We don't even know who to go to when we are unhappy and we all feel that we will be punished if we say anything.

I want to antagonize my manager and make his life as hard as possible because I was at least slightly more content before he came along.

[Hopalong]

I really hope that before you leave this job,
you can find some way to seek out a different one to go to, Boat.

You have all my sympathy for feeling trapped in a toxic environment
for survival. I know the feeling and how horribly hard it can be to cope
with it.

The smallest steps you can take regularly to inch your way toward
a different alternative will be worth it...and keeping things there
intact enough that you'll be able to leave with a decent reference
from somebody (even if not the manager you're loathing) will help...

Hopes for you,
Hops

[Meh]

Yah Hops you are right.

I'm tired of thinking about it. Bottom line is I am not happy but I am getting a paycheck.