Anything other than anything

[Meh]

I feel like I hijacked the Anything thread. I just want a place to deposit randomness. So i thought perhaps I would make my own anything Idk

Today is my Friday It feels kinda bad because after working everyday of a Holiday weekend I have a lot of undone work left over that is pending. I prefer feeling like its all finished before I go.

Watching Sleepy Hollow with Johnny Depp

[Meh]

Caught my co-worker pawning her work off on me for no reason today, red handed, replied to her and CC my manager in on it. She took her work back. She sent it to me saying there was nothing she could do, however due to her prior notes it was clear she WAS the person who needs to do it and THERE IS something she could do.   She slipped up and I caught her. Since it was in writing/email it was totally not debatable.

[Meh]

Watching recorded comedy shows with female comedians. My mother texted me 30 mins ago to tell me that my ancient grandmother has fallen again and fractured her spine in multiple locations. Sort of surprised that she is even walking unsupervised but I didn't ask that question as I am trying to stop myself from asking dumb questions. Also I asked myself if I care and I decided that I don't care. I thought about asking my mother how she is going to feel when my grandmother is dead. I have no idea why I would even ask that question, I think it might be my feeble way of of trying to torment her which is probably pointless. Then I thought about if I would go to the funeral, the upside is that my father would not be there. The first think I thing about is "how awkward might this be". Shrug.

I hate seeing my Aunt's family post all their family photos on face book. I want to de-friend them on facebook. I dont even Fing use facebook really. I think I may have figured out how to hide my profile from everybody which is the next closest thing to closing the account. The only reason I even had a facebook account was to spy on some guy that I went on a road trip with many years ago. And then recently it was just a way to keep in touch with my nephews which I have found is just Fing pointless and dumb.

[Meh]

Spent my entire weekend over indulging on a tv series via Netflix.

[Meh]

Had a panic attack at work today and left early  I think this is the second or third time I have left work early due to having a panic attack. I just tell them that I am not feeling well but I don't really want to explain it to them what is going on because I am afraid they will think I am crazy and there are about 8 supervisors there only one of them would I really feel okay telling her the why/how of it. I feel so out of control and irrational when I have panic attacks. Its probably been about 3 or 4 months since the last time this happened. I get all cringey and stressed out thinking about how to explain it. Maybe I need to just be more like "let go and let god" about it. I take medications for asthma and allergies which seem to make the feeling worse as the asthma medication is a stimulant and the allergy pills seem to exaggerate that dry can't swallow cotton mouth sensation. It usually starts out I am feeling like I am having asthma and/or allergies and then it snowballs and then I am stuck at work and feel uncomfortable trying to talk to customers while it is happening.

I'm not sure how to politely tell my co-workers that need to know the reason which is only like 1-2 people though there are often about 5 people that the info circulates through plus whoever is standing by that overhears everything in the office because nothing is private nor confidential in this office. See I feel rather embarrassed. Shrug.

I very well can't tell my manager that occasionally I simply feel like I am going to choke to death. It sounds quite odd.

[Meh]

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/11/04/242945454/childhood-maltreatment-can-leave-scars-in-the-brain

I think I already sort of know this by now.

[Meh]

Its a song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5tr_L31StI

[Meh]

Was trying to find a friend of mine from high school via Facebook. I think she reverted her last name to her mother's maiden name which I don't remember what it was. What I found though was her father's obituary from January of this year.

Sort of thinking how strange it is that as an older person I have a harder time meeting and making new friends, and the kind of more close friends that I had in school. I guess life is meant to evolve and change. Sort of wondering if one of my uncles is dead and how and where he died. Families are so broken off. I wish I felt like I had more family or something.

I feel sort of old. And I sort of still feel like I did when I was 15 years old, like mentally. is that normal, to feel like you really haven't changed much in some ways. just thinking out loud.

I've kind of turned into a highly critical person. Sort of complainy like I complain more than other people or something idk

sleepy

[Meh]

Today is my Friday. I just get through the week so that I can look forward to two days of feasting lazily on netflix and back to back TV episodes amounting to watching a whole season's worth. Marathon "TV" watching on my laptop. Its escapism. In my mind its LOW RISK but that is kind of a lie, there is totally a risk. Like the risk of not Fing living, not doing a dang thing.

Okay I got to go. I need to go to work. and I need to write some sh*t out. yep

[Meh]

Loading up on black tea and then coffee. I slept past 2:00 PM today. !!!! Maybe I just really needed the sleep, I have been feeling tired recently. This sort of seems like too much sleep but whatever

[Hopalong]

Oversleeping is a classic symptom of depression...have you considered some therapy and/or meds maybe?

Though had I your call-center job I'd be asleep every spare minute, to not face the waking horror of it.

ART
ART
ART
ART

and gardening...never ever ever stop.

love to youk,
Hops

[Meh]

had another "panic" attack or "panic episode" or otherwise known as a strange anxiety episode during a team meeting in which I meant to just get up and go out for some fresh air but the group took me standing up and leaving to be the end even though the supervisor hadn't signaled the end of the meeting and now that I am writing this I think maybe I should say something to him about it.

I never just walk out on meetings for no reason.

With my anxiety attacks I feel like I am going to choke to death and my hands start to tingle and I feel light headed like I am going to pass out    

I think its really coming from my asthma and allergies that are triggering my anxiety and then my asthma meds are also anxiety inducing.

It tends to happen in clusters, it will happen for a while and then go away.

I think I am going to tell him I was feeling dizzy and was going to step out and didn't mean to be rude or the first person to leave the room.

My lower right lip has a new tic I think, like I feel half of my lip muscle tensing up, its so weird as if doing the weird blinking shit with my eyes isn't embarrassing enough

I'm practically down right creepy

[Meh]

@ Hops,

Well I used to take anti-depressant meds when I first came to this board I was just coming off of them and haven't been on them since.

I think I rather try some other stuff first, know what I mean. But yeah, I've been loving my escapism as of recent.

[Meh]

Perhaps I should get my thyroid checked as these are some of the symptoms I just read: 
 
I have been getting heart palpitations.  I went to see the doctor over a year ago and due to having like a calcium level issue they wanted to test my thyroid but I said no due to I figured it was my coffee drinking causing the skewed tests. Sigh

   anxiety
    heart palpitations
    depression
    fatigue
    difficulty losing weight
    memory loss
    fuzzy thinking
    poor memory and poor concentration.

[Meh]

More panic attacks I think. Just had another one or something idk. nothing else to say atm