We still need a raised eyebrow emoticon. It could express a lot of different kinds of things - not just skepticism. In this case... a contemplative "hmmmmmm".
The kinds of things I'm resisting doing (example): include cataloging item by item along with a professionally derived value of said item, for the CPA preparing Mike's estate tax return. About 2/3 of said collection has been turned over to a well-known auction company and I have already provided several different forms of their estimate of value, that the items will bring at auction. There is really no way to know for sure, until the item is actually sold. And of course, that value is "subjective" to time, place and buyer.
It's not a collection of "rare and unusual" pieces. Therefore, it makes little sense (to me) to catalog the value of EACH item. Now, I do understand it's the IRS we're talking about here. And that often, the individual one is working with, doesn't even know his own organizations codes and has to go look up the case law that has been cited (and included) with the return as justification for doing something a certain way. Already been down this road once, with my Dad's estate return. This doesn't jive with the assurance that all this return is for, is to acquire any un-used portion of Mike's estate allowance (before tax) to my eventual estate tax allowance.
Then, there's the memory of time/place when an item was purchased. The overall idea behind his collecting - which was investment; which I'm making impossible by selling so soon after acquisition. And just the blessed tediousness of spreadsheets, numbers, details... along with the feeling of:
the only reason this process (beyond thorough) is even necessary is because I can't be trusted to accurate or truthful. According to the IRS, that is.
And yeah, I suppose that DOES awaken a bit of defiance. And of course, I'm going to be held responsible for the fact that Mike never knew when enough was enough. So, a fearful concern as well.
Since 2008, I've been involved in so much MORE of this kind of thing because of my Dad's estate, the business, and Jean's death - and now Mike's - that I just want to roll down grassy hills in the sunshine. I'm tired of trying to codify human foibles into numbers and come up with "answers" to questions that don't even MATTER to anyone except bean counters and are all wrapped up in WHO that person was. I want to dump the whole box full of scribbled notes, misc receipts and other papers on someone's head and say HERE. YOU SORT IT OUT. You can't reduce a human being to a form.
Defiance might bleed into resentment, some, for me. LOL.
I am trying to simplify my life now. And all this high-level business/tax/financial stuff isn't NEARLY as much fun as wondering if morels will grow under the old mossy logs further down my hill this spring, or watching the ravens play... or even how the sunlight moves through these folded hills.
And that's just one thing.
It's the antithesis (I think) of wanting to add insulated blinds/curtains over all my glass here to help manage heat transfer... and add another layer of "finish" to the look & feel of my little space. And NOT wanting to look at, and actually order them. The "being bad for spending money on something I want" feeling is back. And because of the nature of this place -- I'm looking at buying a tractor or one of those utility vehicles that has attachments for different kinds of work. Now we're talking big bucks.
And I should be calling contractors about upgrading the decks to a basic safety code too. If I want to get on their "list" -- and I cringe to think what their estimate is going to be.
Maybe this is all "growing pains" of a sort -- as I go through this transition. The old stuff shows up, reminds me it's still here, and I get yet another shot at finding another way to deal with it; deal with my "self". OH... and because I've lived like this - homesteading - "in another life"... I think I'm trying to avoid falling into the habits/patterns from then that were more like a "trap" than the freedom of self-reliance. Lots of Ex#2 associated stuff.
One more piece of this puzzle, is how much my brain LIKES to be really "busy" - it's the ego-function of hamster-wheel self-importance I guess. But the bio-parts of my brain are just as tired as my back & muscles... Ego-brain discounts how much focus, drive, juggling and determination I put out over the last 6 months... and thinks I'm going to turn back the clock & become 40 yrs old again. I'm not; I'm 60... and I've EARNED a long winter's rest and "not caring" about whether I've unpacked the studio or running to fix, decide, and design everything all at one time. I've EARNED some time off to just enjoy the stream of ideas flashing through ego-brain without committing to any of them right now.
And the "guilt-i-fer" machine needs have it's plug pulled.
(See Lighter? That's the contents of my brain's closed loop racetrack. It's why yours struck me funny; I recognized it as something I do too. In my case, I know it's coming out here in one long blather... because of my solitude and feeling as though it's not fair for me to spew all this out at one time, for one person. Somewhere, some tiny voice is still whining about someone coming to "take care of me" too. At least here, people can read and just not respond until they have time to choose a response that they aren't put on the spot to deliver spontaneously. Mine has been building up in real haphazard fashion over the past couple months. I'm so sure someone can read this; immediately pick up my dysfunctional mind/emotion problem and point it out, too. I'm just too immersed in it to see it -- until I come back a long time later. Humans can be real funny creatures.)
