Job Hunt -- what it takes

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Hops,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  If you were here, and I had a company, I would hire you in a second...

Richard

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Doc G...
And oh, I wish.

A boss like YOU? That would be extraordinarily wonderful.

Thanks for the comfort and support.
And for this blessed place.

love
Hops

[Meh]

 

Well we don't know the results of the interview yet. You probably have better than a 50/50 chance.

It sure seems like they jumped quickly on the chance of setting up the interview with you which is usually a good sign. Also for them to know you would travel that far I think indicates both sides are pretty serious.

[lighter]

::Sending you courage and prayers, Hops::

I bet you have an amazing resume, and it's time to get it out in the world, IMo.

Maybe a temp agency is the way to a full time position with a company you'd like to work for?

I just know you'll find a better situation than you were enduring with exNboss.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Hops, I'm sure all is going to be well.

What you're feeling is what I call "the horror of the situation" - and it's good to acknowledge it's reality, IMO. But it truly can't dominate how you feel and what you do, to begin moving through this wonderful opportunity you now have. This is a GIFT, and yet, you've most definitely earned it.

There are some similarities down here -- and some of the same trepidation, too. But it's going to be OK; everything's going to be alright.

[Hopalong]

Thank you so much, Lighter and Skep.

I just got a phone call from Nboss and my blood ran cold. I said I preferred not to speak to him but my former other colleague is welcome to contact me any time. He said, "okay" and I hung up. I emailed former colleague and told him that.

I can't imagine any reason Nboss would call except to pressure or bribe me to do what he wants. I have not signed his piddling and offensive severance offer (it includes me renouncing unemployment and promising never to speak negatively about the company or "any of its officers"). To me it's dirty money and would mean that I would forever be looking over my shoulder if I try to get work in any other company in the industry. He is so vicious that if he ever saw a statement on another company's website that he could even pretend originated with me, he'd sue me as a hobby. (I never signed any employment contract, non-disclosure or non-compete agreement when I was hired. They adopted the practice with new employees later.)

I filed my unemployment claim the other day. It's about 2/3 of his little offer, over time, in maximum. But I'd rather use that to survive for a couple months more, than take another filthy penny from him.

But it disturbs me that as an organism, I reacted with fear to the sound of his voice. (Today is a few days past the deadline to sign the agreement. That's probably the reason he called. Shudder.)

love
Hops

[Hopalong]

AND Boat.
I so hope you're right!

Last thing the other man told me was that he'd be talking to his Board about me end of week.

So it's Saturday.

I sure hope he follows up soon.

Angst,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Thank you so much, Lighter and Skep.

I just got a phone call from Nboss and my blood ran cold. I said I preferred not to speak to him but my former other colleague is welcome to contact me any time. He said, "okay" and I hung up. I emailed former colleague and told him that.

I can't imagine any reason Nboss would call except to pressure or bribe me to do what he wants. I have not signed his piddling and offensive severance offer (it includes me renouncing unemployment and promising never to speak negatively about the company or "any of its officers"). To me it's dirty money and would mean that I would forever be looking over my shoulder if I try to get work in any other company in the industry. He is so vicious that if he ever saw a statement on another company's website that he could even pretend originated with me, he'd sue me as a hobby. (I never signed any employment contract, non-disclosure or non-compete agreement when I was hired. They adopted the practice with new employees later.)

I filed my unemployment claim the other day. It's about 2/3 of his little offer, over time, in maximum. But I'd rather use that to survive for a couple months more, than take another filthy penny from him.

But it disturbs me that as an organism, I reacted with fear to the sound of his voice. (Today is a few days past the deadline to sign the agreement. That's probably the reason he called. Shudder.)

love
Hops

I think you're absolutely right not to sign anything he wants you to Hops, or to have any sort of further contact with him.  Feeling scared of someone is horrible but you handled it beautifully, as you always do.  Someone told me once to remember that fear is a good thing; it's your internal system screaming "Run for your life!" and getting you out of a dangerous situation.  I know it stops being helpful if it interfers with your day to day life but I think you've got good reason to find him scary, to be honest, he sounded like a complete nightmare and it might be that you being free of him means your internal system is breathing a sigh of relief and letting out some feelings that you've had to just manage in order to be able to cope with working for the idiot.

Hopefully you will never have cause to have to hear his voice again; he's got no hold over you now (and I bet he knows that!).  Sending you all things positive and lovely xx

[Hopalong]

Thank you, Tupp.
That makes so much sense.
I'm accustomed to writing off my fears as mere neurosis (as they are about paperwork, the other thread).

But you're right. In this instance feeling long pent-up fear makes perfect sense.
A severe, maybe even sociopathic, narcissist with unlimited money and a penchant for punishment...
why wouldn't a sane person step back?

Whew.
You're right again, that I held back the fear so many years.

In every way except financial I feel so much better. Coming back to life.

Love
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Thank you, Tupp.
That makes so much sense.
I'm accustomed to writing off my fears as mere neurosis (as they are about paperwork, the other thread).

But you're right. In this instance feeling long pent-up fear makes perfect sense.
A severe, maybe even sociopathic, narcissist with unlimited money and a penchant for punishment...
why wouldn't a sane person step back?

Whew.
You're right again, that I held back the fear so many years.

In every way except financial I feel so much better. Coming back to life.

Love
Hops

I am so glad you are coming back to life!  Financial stuff is scary.  Having been through very lean periods myself I live pretty frugally and save as much as I can.  It isn't a fortune but it's the difference between being able to manage a disaster and being utterly without support, which is tough.  When we move (yay!) my reserve fund will be depleted and I know I'll feel anxious about that until it starts to build up a little again.  I know how 'up' on these sort of matters you are so I'm sure you've put yourself in the best position possible and that 'something' will see you through, hopefully with a spring in your step!  But I know I find those 'I don't know how this will pan out' periods difficult, I am rooting for you!  And sending "Back off, sunbeam" vibes to ex Boss who I think you are right to be afraid of as he's always seemed like a thoroughly unpleasant character.  I was thinking that your situation with him, the way you spoke to him in that final meeting, might have given some of the less assertive employees a bit of courage to start looking for something else or to look after themselves a bit better - I wouldn't be suprised to find other people felt the way you did but didn't feel able to talk about it.  You might just have started a small scale revolution and not know about it yet xx

[Hopalong]

I already talked to one colleague who would escape with me to the other company if we could get offers!

Pessimism growing on that one, though. I think I need to focus locally and really rev it up next week.

For now, small miracle: turns out my neighbor was willing to be hired for paperwork help and in two hours
we blasted through an embarrassing pile. Still have to finish filing it all tomorrow morning, and tomorrow
afternoon another person is coming to work with me on getting a clear picture of where I stand, start
creating a budget and contingency plans.

It's unsettling not knowing whether I'll have an income in time to avoid dipping into retirement fund,
tiny as it is, to cover my house payments. That's the biggest worry.

I needed help. Asked around for it over and over again (whom could I hire) and suddenly, here it is.
Person tomorrow is a little prickly but we'll see how it goes. We've gotten along well in the past.

Thanks much for the encouragement, Tupp.

love
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I already talked to one colleague who would escape with me to the other company if we could get offers!

Pessimism growing on that one, though. I think I need to focus locally and really rev it up next week.

For now, small miracle: turns out my neighbor was willing to be hired for paperwork help and in two hours
we blasted through an embarrassing pile. Still have to finish filing it all tomorrow morning, and tomorrow
afternoon another person is coming to work with me on getting a clear picture of where I stand, start
creating a budget and contingency plans.

It's unsettling not knowing whether I'll have an income in time to avoid dipping into retirement fund,
tiny as it is, to cover my house payments. That's the biggest worry.

I needed help. Asked around for it over and over again (whom could I hire) and suddenly, here it is.
Person tomorrow is a little prickly but we'll see how it goes. We've gotten along well in the past.

Thanks much for the encouragement, Tupp.

love
Hops

You're most welcome and just a thought (and bear in mind I have very little knowledge about financial matters and even less about how they differ between here and the States but ................), if you haven't already, it might be worth checking whether your loan for your house has any kind of employment protection plan attached to it to cover payments if you lose your job?  There's been a huge thing in the UK over the last few years with people finding out they'd taken out insurances they didn't know anything about; it just occured to me if the same thing has happened in the States it might be a blessing in your case   Glad people are being helpful; everything's easier to do if someone is giving you a hand.  And revving up local job hunts is bound to be a good idea; better to have three job offers to choose from   Hope you got through the filing and that things are feeling a bit more organised xx

[Hopalong]

I'm awaiting her now. Hiding on the internet instead of doing sensible PRE-organization.
The filing is kind of like "clearing space on a big table" to do the real work, which is grappling
with the realities of numbers and getting a plan. I think it's a very big project. It is for me
anyway...I feel the muscles tensing all over.

But I have HELP (not cheap, but more important than anything else) and that's huge.

No alas, no job-loss protection with my mortgage. If I have to, I'll bite into retirement
fund (huge interest penalties if you do that) to pay it off. But I'm not there yet; I may
still find enough work of some sort to keep it all going. Once I hit 70 (4 years plus a
few months) I'll breathe a sigh of relief. It won't be comfy, but it'll be survivable, with
an additional part-time job.

Gotta go pretend I was preparing...

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

My moods are all OVER the place. Churning anxiety during the day, then I do something to move a step forward and perk up some, then people come and I really cheer up.

I'd like to skip the churning anxiety tomorrow! It's good that I'm not staying home alone and have a busy day, seeing several people. That also means I won't be hammering away at resume, contacts, all that. Which is pretty urgent.

But I did find out that with unemployment (and no emergencies), I will be covered for six months.

After that, I'd better have a job. Long-term unemployment really does happen, especially at my age. No word from the other company. Feels like that fantasy is slipping away, but I'm still glad I had the trip and validating meetings.

I'M TRYING TO GET MY MIND OFF THAT.

Nighty night,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

My moods are all OVER the place. Churning anxiety during the day, then I do something to move a step forward and perk up some, then people come and I really cheer up.

I'd like to skip the churning anxiety tomorrow! It's good that I'm not staying home alone and have a busy day, seeing several people. That also means I won't be hammering away at resume, contacts, all that. Which is pretty urgent.

But I did find out that with unemployment (and no emergencies), I will be covered for six months.

After that, I'd better have a job. Long-term unemployment really does happen, especially at my age. No word from the other company. Feels like that fantasy is slipping away, but I'm still glad I had the trip and validating meetings.

I'M TRYING TO GET MY MIND OFF THAT.

Nighty night,
Hops

Six months breathing space is good, Hops, and that work will come, maybe in a slightly different form to what you're used to?  Perhaps doors to other directions will unfold.  A friend of mine works as a sort of freelance PA; she tends to work for people from home on various projects, so the sort of things where they don't do enough work to hire a PA permanently but every now and again they take on a job where that's necessary and that's where she steps in.  Not suggesting you become a PA, but that came out of a similar situation she found herself in and it sort of grew and mushroomed by itself.  I'm keeping everything crossed for you.

Anxiety is horrible and I wish I knew a way to wave a wand and make it vanish but all I can say is that it will pass and hopefully by the time you've seen all those various people tomorrow you'll be feeling a bit more grounded again xx