Lighter update

[lighter]

sKeP:

Thanks for your post.  I dropped dd15 off at camp yesterday, and it wasn't sad, or scary.

It felt like l was handing her to trusted tribe members who'll guide her through a necessary rite of passage.  

Update this afternoon is positive.... DD is engaged, slept well, and meets her group today.

So far, two thumbs up.

Project FIND AUTHENTIC SELF's a go.

Lighter

[lighter]

DD15 is doing well at camp.

My favorite quote of the week from her is.... "This place simultaneously sucks more and less than I thought it would."

She's working her way through their Search and Rescue program, which she'd like to wizz through quickly, but can't.

I sent requested photos to dd today.  In one her little pug puppy girl is sleeping in the car sitting straight up, facing the seat, chin and paws up like she's about to be searched.  She isn't the happiest traveler on the road.

I'm going outside to dig and plant a bit. 

lighter




'

[lighter]

Update:

DD15 was reserved and shy first week of camp.  This week the Therapist said she's like an entirely new person.  Outgoing, dimples and smiles, very soft and open... insightful, and talkative.  Her field instructor reports she's bonded with her group, and isn't the new girl any more, as another girl arrived.... they laugh and share easily, so HUGE relief for me.  DD15 actually wrote to me about how she's getting used to the hiking and food, and bugs and allergies and need for breathing meds aren't an issue.  Woo hoo! 

They're doing lots of work with DD observing her habits and patterns, then they'll move on to identifying how they effect her, and how they can replace and improve coping strategies.  Just an amazing program.  I feel so blessed that she's asking for help to figure these things out  at this age.  Such a wise, mature thing to recognize, embrace, and not turn away from.  I wasn't that brave at 15yo. 

She writes that search and rescue training is still moving more slowly than she'd like.   Her comprehension skills are uber high.... it probably just feels slow to her, but then there's another lesson in patience, isn't there?  Yup yup yup.

All in all, I'm just very relieved, and noticing I've started doing some very deep processing around this too.

I have a sleepy pug tucked into the small of my back, my yard is bursting with lovely spring greens and my youngest dd is finally over her icky snot virus.

I'm just very grateful: )

::nodding::

Lighter 

[lighter]

No update on DD15 till Thursday.  I expect it to be positive.

I was eating what I consider "stupid" for the last 2 months.... lots of of crackers, and tortilla chips..... caramel popcorn...    SO GOOD!

Oh well.  My body was protesting, and Monday I went back to making better choices.  Right now that means I'm limiting myself to one gluten free grain selection a week. 

Man, that's the hard part. No crunch.

I can put stevia on my coffee, and I get the sweet, but......

I'm really missing that crunching, munching mindless enjoyment of an entire box of crackers, or bag of sweet and salty pop corn.... I gave myself total permission to embrace the crunch, and so I did.

Today was much easier than Monday or Tues. I'm remembering how this works... how to avoid feeling deprived, and hungry.  The cravings lessen as the sugar leaves my system.

A buddy is joining in, and suffering much harder than I.

I noticed I have more energy today..... enjoyed a brighter outlook, with more clarity.  The last two days were brutal in comparison.  All I could think about was food food food.

That's my update. 
Lighter

[Hopalong]

Oh, gosh, Lighter...me too.
carbs
carbs
carbs

I can't be left alone with them.

Likewise cheese.

Sigh and thanks for the inspiration...again.

xo
Hops

[lighter]

Hops:
I've been doing OK over past 3 days..... parenting seminar had very healthy lunch spread so it was easy to make good choices.  I have to say they also had tons of cinnamon buns, candy bars, sodas, gluten  breads and cheeses.   The salad choices, fresh tomatoes, local organic cucumbers, and lots of ham and turkey, along with a pot of lentils and beans (food our kids prepare and eat every day) made lunch a pleasure. 

The seminar was entertaining,  and enlightening, but also gut wrenching/scary, bc every parent had to tell their story.  Some of the stories were so upsetting I wanted to put my hands over my ears and rock. 

What I did instead was listen intently, then fight off teeth chattering, body shaking shock.....
but that was the first morning.  Everything uphill from there.  Our coach was an amazing teacher, and all the parents were well spoken, lovely people who wanted to please the coach, so it was all positive interactions.  I have to say our first physical challenge.... called the Rising Stick, didn't go perfectly, and the type As stood out, as you can imagine, and we learned a lot we put into practice later on.  Very cool.

Coach was also skilled at mimicking teenagers.  I was particularly impressed with his 14yo teen girl impression. 
Dead. 
On. 

He really was excellent at his job, and everyone wanted to take him home with them.... you could tell.  Every parent left that seminar with new skills and lots more hope, which is priceless, IMO.

I have contractors putting in outside shower deck now, which is exciting.  I've really missed taking showers out of doors. 

Lighter
ps  Coach said it's not uncommon for him to boot parents OUT of the seminars for being high, pointing fingers/arguing, etc.  I think I was blessed to be in this particular group... very lovely people.  Coach said 20% of the parents don't attend this mandatory seminar, FYI.  Assuming the kiss my ass I already know everything PD parents reside somewhere in this group.  I can imagine not much would get done in those seminars if they were allowed to stay.
Also, most of these kids were hooked into sports at high levels, A students, very bright, etc with their troubles kind of coming out of left field all the sudden around 13yo 14yo.  I didn't hear the stories I thought I might.... though I'm not sure what I thought I'd hear. 

The level of parenting, and care was super high (lacking balance/too permissive but worked with older children just fine in many cases.)  The children, in our group, were all reported to be very easy, happy, loving children up to approx age 13 of 14.  Coach said that's the general profile of the kids in this program. 

OK.... I still have 3 plants and a handful of bulbs to plant.  I'm going out to play in the dirt!

[lighter]

DD didn't write a letter to me last week.  The Therapist thinks she was hyper focused on making dead fall traps, also neglecting home work in journal, and other things, which is her habit.... to resist doing things she doesn't prefer. 

I won't send more photos if she doesn't write her letters.... it's hard work, and there has to be a consequence to not holding her up end of letter writing, IMO.

DD13 and I enjoyed visit with friends this week.  I've moved onto smoother ground with eating habits.... cooking for someone with same eating plan helped drive old lessons home, so I'm hitting my stride with less struggle.

I have beautiful sauteed greens cooked ahead in fridge to grab, and throw on and in dishes, like lentils, and meats topped with poached eggs...... very yummy, and I can change up flavor profiles to keep things interesting.

Figuring out different menus and cooking every night is a huge PITA.... same with breakfast, IMO.  This will help a lot.... at least for a while.

I have a new yard service, and I'm very happy with their work, so that's done.

DD13 and I are planning Haunted Halloween Trail this year, with Amazon fire pit, liquid refreshments for thirsty parents...... plenty of thrills for tricker treaters.  Very exciting!  I'm always a Witch.  Lots of happy fun decisions to make with my girls.  I may have posted about that, but now I have for sure help coming in from out of State, and a couple other parents and teens on board.  I'd like this to be an annual event that grows every year now that the kids are too old to Trick of Treat.


Oh..... MCT oil is sort of a lovely replacement for butter, and dairy in coffee.  I just tried it this morning, and it's tasteless/odorless..... no problem to use. 

I'm going out into this beautiful day to pull weeds and remove suckers on trees..... still have a few things to get into the ground..... I think this is what happy looks like right now.


I have class in Co in October, will be a very  busy month. 

Paris in June..... I'm past anxiety now that all reservations are made.  Using Airbnb was a little nerve wracking... you have to send your picture in, and wait to see if you're approved, at least that was the case with my first choice, and of course I waited till I was a month out to finalize it.  Anyone been to Normandy?  I don't want to miss anything, and I've given myself 2 days to see it.

I can relax into planning visits with friends between return to States and drive back home bc kiddos will be otherwise engaged. 

Staying out of other people's heads (SOOOPH) has been a mindful revelation as of late.  Assertive communication doesn't feel comfortable, but I've noticed I'm practicing anyway, and it's a very good thing.

ZERO DRAMA is the order of the day.  Cutting off those who bring drama is the second.

That's my update; )
Lighter



 

[Twoapenny]

What I love about this board is that you can read someone's post and say something soothing/comforting or maybe helpful if they're going through a rough patch and you can log on and read that someone's in a really good spot and it makes me smile   So much good news in there, Lighter, Paris in June?!  That sounds like a movie script, what an amazing experience that will be.  I can very much identify with staying out of other people's heads; I have noticed only recently how much I get into everyone else's mind and how responsible I feel for other people.  I am trying to go along the line that if I am polite and respectful then how or what other people do is up to them, not down to me.  Feels a bit like new shoes, not really comfy with it yet but it feels like the right way to go so I understand where you are coming from there and yes to no drama and cutting out those who bring it is also so important.

Food, yes, I have fallen off the wagon again, I find breakfast and grabbing quick snacks are my downfall, we've a couple of quiet days at home so I'm going to focus on getting some good food prepared and ready so that I don't fall into the biscuit trap.  Glad to read you are getting back on track with yours

Halloween sounds fabulous, Lighter, what beautiful memories you'll be making for those kids, they're the things you look back on and smile, aren't they?  We're not into Halloween in such a big way in the UK (although it's getting bigger) but my son has a real thing about dressing up as a werewolf so that is usually our theme

DD sounds like she is having a fabulous time, I am finding the separation and change from dependent child to independent adult interesting but trying as well.  There are times my son is like a proper grown up and other times he's like a five year old again; there's no warning which one is present at the time and I am finding having to judge how to be and respond hard work!  But we've been having lots of belly laughs recently, we have the same warped sense of humour which is nice and he has my love of reading.  He's been writing his own stories recently and I love the creativity in them and the way his mind spirals in lots of different directions.

Fabulous update Lighter I am so happy that you are in this happy place right now x

[lighter]

Staying out of other people's heads.... boundaries..... all good works for us, IMO.

Last night I resisted the urge to stay up hours to comfort buddy going through recent break up.  He needs to sink into the sadness, and feel it.  I've been a distraction to keep from doing that, and I told him this morning I can't do that any more.  He understood without any weirdness, and that kind of assertiveness is new, but right, and good for me, IMO.

Same with out of State friend I visited for 2 days/2 nights to help move her out of paralysis within her home... she paints furniture, which I love too, and we share that, but she had her house so chucked full of furniture she couldn't turn around.... I mean FULL.  All her paints and supplies were scattered throughout the rooms, under and between furniture items in different stages of work.  She'd been buying more, bc she couldn't find anything, which just make things worse. 

I spent all my time there gathering her supplies, moving furniture ready to sell into a consignment situation, and beginning process to determine best flow to move furniture in, get it done, and store till ready for pick up.

To end chaos we determined she needs to limit her business to custom orders, raise her prices, and extend delivery dates by many weeks, but still SOOOO much left undone.
 
These decisions were BIG, but she needs so much more help.... I just had to do what I could then step out.  I'm learning.... seems you're learning similar lessons right now, Tupp: )

Paris will be wonderful, and I'm looking forward to it.  We both have interesting new journeys ahead of us.

As I was writing this I received E mail from attorney which spiked adrenaline dump, as per usual response.  I really hate that, but it appears we're sneaking up on final courtroom drama.  COULD this be IT?  I don't know,but I'm ready to end this now.  I'm already beyond it in my head, and it's one of the major shifts for me, I think. 

Tupp, if you haven't listened to the Love and Logic parent series on DVD it's a really good tool for dealing with our teens, IMO.  Not sure if I mentioned it, but it's helpful, IME.

Lighter

[lighter]

It's time to finish dealing with the Trustee as the final legal case.... hopefully the final one.

I've done the research, and now I have to make copies, and scan everything into the computer and send to attorney so he can understand what evidence we have before we discuss final options.

It was a pretty big adrenaline dump, which I'm used to, but I noticed I'm recovering more quickly, which is good.

I'm also feeling beyond, and outside of the struggle this time.  It's not IN my head, with me, if that makes sense.  I know what I have to do... I've done it many times before, and the results are always in my favor, so I'm going to prepare for a trial without the usual fear....

I just don't believe this Judge has been bought off or manipulated.  I don't.  That would be the largest fear, and it's not in my head, so I'll leave it sit without giving it any attention.

This is growth, IMO.

[Twoapenny]

Lighter is this another battle with the in-laws?  That they have instigated?  I really feel for you and understand what you are saying about the adrenaline dump.  I still want to see if I can take legal action (or to be more precise, if my son can, although it would have to be me that got the ball rolling on his behalf) with regard to all the false allegations of abuse and the subsequent damage that did to him (ie his disability was missed for a long time because his symptoms were being put down to abuse and neglect) but I know that diving back into that nightmare is going to play havoc with me and my word, it is so tiring.  Whatever the situation is with this next courtroom scenario I hope it is resolved as quickly and easily as possible, my word, you deserve that.  I will look up that DVD you suggested, thanks for the recommendation xx

[lighter]

Tupp:

ILs instigated, but I let them this time.  I KNEW better than to trust the attorneys, or anyone involved, and yet I let them talk me into  believing that THIS time it would be over IF ONLY I SIGNED THIS DOCUMENT, and of course course course things went EXACTLY az I said they would. 

SO SO SO SO SO sick of being right over nad over and over failing to honor my gut.  My gut knows things, is wise, and should be trusted.

When will I learn?

Oh, my  brain seems to be working better so the organization is going more smoothly.  I'm seeing ahead before I get to the place in the road where I'd normally see where a document would fit, or a new rabbit hole needs to be added.

Yay me; )

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Tupp:

ILs instigated, but I let them this time.  I KNEW better than to trust the attorneys, or anyone involved, and yet I let them talk me into  believing that THIS time it would be over IF ONLY I SIGNED THIS DOCUMENT, and of course course course things went EXACTLY az I said they would. 

SO SO SO SO SO sick of being right over nad over and over failing to honor my gut.  My gut knows things, is wise, and should be trusted.

When will I learn?

Oh, my  brain seems to be working better so the organization is going more smoothly.  I'm seeing ahead before I get to the place in the road where I'd normally see where a document would fit, or a new rabbit hole needs to be added.

Yay me; )

Lighter

Oh, Lighter, I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this all over again.  The attorney that deceived you - argh!  I have come up against so many people like that over the years and it makes me want to claw my own stomach out.  The problem, I find, is that I tend to assume that most people are reasonably honest and truthful.  Then, of course, you discover a lot of people aren't (and in my experience I've had far more problems with well off 'professionals' than I ever have with people who are a bit down on their luck and might have a reason to need to nick a few quid) but if you aren't willing or able to assume most people are honest then that leaves you suspicious and cynical of everyone and I think that's even worse.  It's a real kicker.

I'm glad you are able to sort out the documents and other things more easily this time but sorry that you are having to deal with it all over again.  Your inlaws!  I wish they could find something better to do with their time.  I'm sorry you're going through this again.  Well I am thinking of you and sending love and good wishes to you and your girls (and a cyber slap to that lying attorney and 'go and start a stamp collection' thoughts to your inlaws who clearly have far too much time and money on their hands).

((((((((((((((((((Lighter and girls)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

[lighter]

Tupp:

There are many attorneys involved with different intentions and motives.  Some are just misguided and ignorant, manipulated and honestly believe they're doing GOD's work, likely. 

Some are ready to clean their plates of these issues and would do anything to accomplish that, IME.  They want to believe the actors , and other attorneys "wouldn't DO" the things they've done..... I can't say it's evil, but certainly human nature to be lazy, dismissive, emotionally jerked around.

::uncrossing eyes::

As one of the teachers directing traffic at our school said.....
"People are stupid."  Critical thinking skills don't SEEM to be highly valued in this culture, but that's just my experience.

The good news is it's behind me, even if it's not.  I FEEL like it's done, and my life has moved beyond it.  About  darned time, really. 

Today I noticed I'm keen on personal responsibility, opposed to avoiding social interaction.  I usually just avoid avoid avoid awkward, or uncomfortable ness, but I'm really set on assertive communication for myself.  I have lots of practice lately, which leads to more insight, and doors opening...... more joy, and feeling empowered.  This is huge for me. 

I don't know who wrote it lately, but I took notice..... "Observe, don't absorb."  That's a theme for me right now, and makes it easy to focus on communication when I'm not focusing on how other people feeeel.  I can focus very clearly on my own needs, feelings, and wants.  I can change my mind, and I'm entitled to put myself first.  I don't know where this sea change came from, but it's really nice, bc I'm still me, and nice, and want the best for everyone around me. 

MAYBE it's something to do with the BIT?  Not sure, but I will say this.....

the Trustee is someone I didn't do any work around with regard to the BIT stuff, and I noticed over the past few days I had an emotional response to him that I'm not having in regard to any other difficult people in my life (I did BIT work round.) 

::sigh::

The journey continues ((((Tupp)))).
Lighter

[lighter]

Wow, my last update was very.... judgy, huh?

Anyway, ongoing emphasis on organization, and keeping the house smelling like peppermint and eucalyptus, which requires I fill the little electric smell making machines with oil daily.  I'm to the point where I remember belatedly, but remember..... am working towards doing it without thinking daily, so it's a habit that brings pleasure.  I really enjoy being in an environment that smells lovely.

I have much energy right now.  Have been eating g/s/d and am into second month with it.  I'm active, and anticipating all the walking with upcoming trip happily.  I'm taking my supplements without trouble, and drinking lots of green juices, mostly celery, kale, spinach, and spirulina blends with the Zeolites.  The far infrared sauna was lovely yesterday, and I'm going to try to make regular appointments for that since I'm not struggling with other things at the moment.  Will see.  I had an iron IV yesterday, and that gave me a chance to go over the Eat for your blood type stuff.  Lentils are bad for B's, and that's such a shame bc I LOVE LOVE LOVE them.  Pork bad.  Love.  The cool thing is I adore rabbit and have the freezer stocked up right now.... Rabbit is beneficial for Bs so that's a good thing. 

I feel like I just broke out of a thick heavy cloud, and can see for miles around.... now.  I look around and my to do list is getting done without much struggle, if any. 

I try not to wait for the other shoe to fall with upcoming legals, and seem to be managing it.  The more I think about it, the more I see with clarity how wrong the Trustee is, and how bad his story will sound in a courtroom.  I've felt this way before, with attorneys assuring me I'm wrong, but..... I was pretty much dead on, so am keeping an open mind with this.

A friend is struggling with his stuff, which really helps me drive home lessons I'm trying to solidify for myself.... all good.  Another friend is flourishing and we're enjoying that together.  I'm putting everything in place so I have child care covered for October classes I want to attend out of State.  Very excited about that. 

::sigh::

Oldest really started to do some BIG work at camp in week 5.  The T said she looks like she really belongs in the woods for the first time, and she's not suffering/struggling with lack of comfort at this time.  She's maturing, and growing, and not in a big hurry to get out is what I'm hearing.

I'm pretty happy right now, all in all.

Lighter