Mothers Day -- the downside

[Hopalong]

A hard one. (This thread is for the difficult side of the holiday. I do hope somebody with happy experiences/associations starts a "Mothers Day -- the upside" or a Happy Mothers Day thread, too! I genuinely enjoy reading about others' happy experiences with kids and family.) But bear with me here...

I avoid church on Mothers Day because of so many happy memories sitting/cuddling with my D there. She used to refuse to go to the kids' classes, preferred sitting with me. She'd stand beside me on the pew for hymns even before she could read, but insisted on pretending, sang nonsense--adorably. Sometimes all those memories make church hard, but I need to go. I need the extended family. It's all I have (other than VESMB!).

There's a nice women's chorale singing there at 3:30 Sunday though. There'll be some of the same families crowd, but maybe also some folks who either don't have mothers alive, or don't have children in their lives. I think that'd be a good thing for me to go to. A couple friends sing in it, and they're good.

Just had a bday and Mothers Day comes right on its heels, so I think I should be expecting what seems to happen for me pretty consistently this time of year. It's partly the weird spring variant of SAD and partly those two occasions. Together, it all often adds up to some real depression hitting. I noticed it in the sense that I was flattened into daytime sleep, I don't feel like doing anything, and the sheer physical gray-blanket heaviness that I feel in depression arrived today.

Had a job interview yesterday for a PT tastings server job, at a local winery. Would be pleasant, but not enough work (or pay) to keep home going. I'll take it if it's offered, for certain--and look for something else to juggle in. I'm grateful I pulled myself together enough to apply for it (old school friend recommended me). Little scared and discouraged on that $$ front, but the one thing to count on is that all things change.

That's it, not perky news, but I knew I could share it here. Thanks for listening, y'all.

love,
Hops

[sea storm]

These Carlton Card days really suck for those of us who don't have darling, loving and supportive family. They seem to drive the knife home.

The whole thing has gotten out of control. Before your auntie could knit you a nose bag and that was a present of noteworthy consideration. Or a kid could cut out pictures from a uncatalogue, glue them on a used Christmas card and add a few cotton balls and voila. It was a present. I am sick of ten dollar cards and lots of stress to spend money I no longer have. On top of all that. I don't even have the people to send them too. Too busy working and struggling up the ladder of success which led to kind of a nowhere.

Please do not go into a spiral of depression over this stupid holiday. Being a mother is such a tough job when one has a child with psychiatric problems. Mother's day is probably their worst day. If you are going to be depressed about it please get yourself a big cup of cocoa with marshmallows or sit by a river and send hankies down the river.
My sister hates my mom, hates mother's day (except her own) .

As for me I am trying to accept whatever happens. Sort of bypassing disappointment.

Wish I could come up with words to comfort you.  It is a lonely day when it is not all roses and sunshine with one's daughter. I know you suffer and I am just sending you lots of love

Sea

[Hopalong]

Wish I could come up with words to comfort you.

You just did! Thank you, Sea friend...helps a lot.
Today, the sun's back out and I am going to start the day with a nice walk with pooch.

Nature's my real Ma and she's looking pretty amazing these days.
My irises are blooming in front.
I made a new friend (a neighbor) this week.
I breathe, I eat, and I'm lucky in a thousand ways.

So there it is. I can/do/will get through this and every subsequent one.

Meanwhile, sharing always, always helps.

Thanks for the love and understanding.

xo
Hops

[Hopalong]

Thanks for your kind thoughts, TT.

Hope it goes well for you, with minimum heartache!

hugs,
Hops

[lighter]

(((Hops)))

I'm hoping you ground yourself in church family, spring flowers, and lovely pooch to more quickly move you through this dimness, and out the other side.

::sending you comfort::

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Thank you, Lighter.
I usually experience this as quite a lonely weekend.
Today I pushed back by doing some things in the community and it helped.

Tonight the quiet is quieter, and I am extra grateful to have my pooch at my side, flopped on her back on the bed with her feet in my ribs, angled exactly so I can maintain the unthinking tummy-rub that's her evening delight. I don't even realize I've kept doing it until I stop...then soon there is some theatrical stretching and heaving that subsides only when I obediently start trailing my fingers up and down her chest and belly again. Then she's back to front-paws-in-the-air bliss. (Otherwise I get her back feet unaccountably digging into my ribs again--she has trained me.) She looks so silly and at peace, and doesn't give one sniff what the calendar date is, or what holidays humans have invented for celebrating their ties....

All will be well. Sometimes you just have to hang on. You sure have. This is nothing.

I'm scraping deep to rediscover a little will...and after tomorrow, I feel as though my life will be starting again for the season.

Thanks for your kind and moving thoughts, Lighter.

HMD.

Well deserved.

Love,
Hops

[lighter]

(((Hops)))

Remember to ground yourself, if things get too dark. 

All will be well.

::nodding::

Here's to starting life anew for the season. 

Light