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Hypnosis and the 20%

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Ales2:
There are days like today when I wonder what issue I have with other people that I cannot see. Its something about me, probably not related to being the child of a Narcissist but something I do repetitively that subtly turns people against me (without doing things like lying, cheating, manipulating, not that stuff - those traits would be obvious).  Not sure what it is...wish I knew and could ask some of these people what they see that I don't. (i.e in many instances, I can't ask because they will not be honest with me, some of it is their filter, as much as it my actions/words/attitude).

Ive seen so many co-workers from this one job go on to enormous success, and I feel that I am/was just as smart, talented, focused and creative (in the TV writing sense) as they are. Somehow, this one boss I worked for is very powerful in TV and I know she served as a reference for all these people and yet not for me. I have to feel I did something to deserve this treatment, we did not get along perfectly, but I have to wonder what those folks did that I didn't that made them her ally and why she promoted them and not me.

She has always given me a glowing recommendation as long as it was not in TV. I was the only one of the six people I am referring to that was in TV dept. and yet, they all got into TV from the feature side of our company and now are thriving.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Ales2 on July 25, 2016, 02:54:00 PM ---There are days like today when I wonder what issue I have with other people that I cannot see. Its something about me, probably not related to being the child of a Narcissist but something I do repetitively that subtly turns people against me (without doing things like lying, cheating, manipulating, not that stuff - those traits would be obvious).  Not sure what it is...wish I knew and could ask some of these people what they see that I don't. (i.e in many instances, I can't ask because they will not be honest with me, some of it is their filter, as much as it my actions/words/attitude).

Ive seen so many co-workers from this one job go on to enormous success, and I feel that I am/was just as smart, talented, focused and creative (in the TV writing sense) as they are. Somehow, this one boss I worked for is very powerful in TV and I know she served as a reference for all these people and yet not for me. I have to feel I did something to deserve this treatment, we did not get along perfectly, but I have to wonder what those folks did that I didn't that made them her ally and why she promoted them and not me.

She has always given me a glowing recommendation as long as it was not in TV. I was the only one of the six people I am referring to that was in TV dept. and yet, they all got into TV from the feature side of our company and now are thriving.

--- End quote ---

I've had situations like this, Ales, and I don't know what the answer is, I'm afraid.  The only thing I wondered is whether it might be possible to ask your boss if there's a particular reason?  I don't know enough about what you do to know whether there might be or not, or whether it's possible she thinks you don't want the promotion or something like that, but I did wonder if there might be a review or a possibility to ask for a meeting so that you can talk it through and see if you can get to the bottom of it?  Must be very frustrating for you so I hope there's a way forward x

Hopalong:
Can you write and ask your ex-boss what it was that caused her to withhold her recommendation? You could very simply say what you said here--that you are struggling to tune into whether there's any behavior on your part that you are unaware of that may explain why you're having difficulty finding new employment.

And that you're asking her only for candor and an honest brief assessment, for which you will be very grateful.

Nothing to lose and perhaps insight to gain.

Good luck,
Hops

Ales2:
Thanks Two and Hops. Part of the problem is this is very much in the past, over 10 years ago. I've had other positions including one she gave me a great recommendation, but knowing it would be the wrong job for me. It seems that when its a job she knows I would want and do well at, she can't be reached, but something not right for me, and she is right there with a glowing recommendation.  When I worked for her, she was very careful never to say anything negative, she would never say someone is not qualified, she would just rant on about another candidate who is qualified and suggest that person.  Before my job ended there, I went to the network and interviewed there, but I know she spoke to the guy I interviewed with and that was that.

I also notice that she is a friend on facebook with everyone from the previous company, but never accepted my friend request. She excluded me on purpose (which I am fine with) which just proved my suspicions that I was excluded from the group of co-workers.

Hopalong:
Ouch. I hear you.

Not exactly analogous, but I was stunned when it sank in that after 8 years helping build a very successful company, I only have one friend from there remaining. Others I interacted, bantered and shared with there for years haven't reached out at all.

Then again, I remember that they have all been under the cloud of Nboss, and there's probably an undercurrent of fear that keeps them from being brave enough to say hello. Even the young CEO whom I championed, listened to, supported, traveled with. Sigh.

I don't think I'll ever expect "normal" relationships in a workplace again, only very very careful professional ones. Seems wiser as the toxicity can always sneak up on me. (Including my own, pushed far enough.)

Hang in,
Hops

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