Exploring resistence

[Hopalong]

Je suis totally confused...

Thought you were living in a mountain community.
Knew you then moved but thought it was back to a metro area.

But I'm delighted to hear you're near if not on, the sea!

(Though I hope the climate doesn't eat your new home.)

Hugs,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

In the OBX, there is a special treated wood that is the most common material for docks, sea walls - or as we call them, bulkheads...

I can see where vinyl is attractive from the maintenance standpoint, but I honestly don't think it would hold up for this purpose too well. The wood tends to absorb the salty water - which actually makes it seal tighter and become stronger; an actual PART of the environment. This helps it hold the sand where it's supposed to be, and keep the water where it's supposed to be. There is no maintenance really for the wood, except to occasionally screw dock boards back down. (Hint: stainless steel screws and hardware hold up the best in a marine environment.)

I'd expect the life span of something built out of wood (with small preventative maintenance kept up) to be 20-30 years or so. Depending on if your bulkhead is taking actual waves - or simply dealing with the tide on a brackish creek.

That's my two cents on bulkheads, anyway.
---------------------

Speaking of resistance, my old neurotic "not wanting to spend any money" hangup is back again... as I start working on the improvements around here and accumulating the tools I really NEED to function here. I'm not at all sure where this "denial of needs" comes from. I could see it if I was blowing money on a rock & roll cruise in the Caribbean or something... or buying a lot clothes that I don't have closet space for... or shoes (ok, I did buy some new Uggs; my current pair are at least 3 years old and I wear them until it's time for flip flops).

[lighter]

Hops:

It's confusing, I know, but I'm not ON a mountain right now.  I'm near mountains, on trails and forest....  there was another house I rented on a small mountain in 2010 to 2012 I guess.... the one with the bears in the garbage problems.  I've done a bit of moving around, I guess, and the Condo on Beech Mountain's been gone for years.   

The island house was purchased long ago..... I haven't been there since the girls were 2 and 4yo.

Now that I'm writing about these things again, I'm noticing how much negativity I hold around them.   

I'm going to attempt to bring creativity, and joy back to this process.  Will see.

Thanks for the info on sea walls, Amber.  Everything will work out.  I know it will.  Once I have information from the neighbor, and the contractor I'll report back, and see what you think.

Lighter

[lighter]

Youngest dd14 is surprisingly happy to be planning a trip to the beach with me....happy chattering about it.  She doesn't want her sister to go.  Not sure how that will work out, but..... maybe a trip to Destin just the two of us.  I think both girls should go to Bimini..... it's an investment... a working trip and we should all work at, IMO.

DD16 is experiencing anxiety over planned trip home from boarding school.  So am I.  I'll write a letter to finish my process... I see closure involving forgiveness, which isn't dd16's idea of closure, and that's OK too.

Important for us to understand there will be backsliding, and recovery for us both.  We both have a skewed idea of doing things perfectly..... will have to work on that.   

Light

[sKePTiKal]

Hooboy. I remember these teenaged years vividly, Lighter, with my two girls. Everyone in the process is tense, anxious, and unclear of where boundaries need to be, should be, or what they are. At least, if you didn't start the process knowing what a boundary was it's like that.

But it sounds like all 3 of you have a pretty good grip on things. And that's good. Just keep talking to each other. The hardest times are now related as funny stories told on oneself by Holly. Amy's still not talking much. But she has a whole ball of yarn to unravel for herself before she gets to the truth about us. Not my yarn, ya know? Holly and I can still yell and release emotions on each other and immediately move on together - the things that have no words - and it totally freaks people out that we can take each other's anger without taking it personally and if it is about us, totally own up to our own responsibility/screw up/and finally figure out what it is we want from each other. LOL.

Not talking is how problems arise.

[lighter]

DD16 assures me she's been working on her issues instensely for months, and more recently, the issues I'm most concerned about.

Just saying that out loud is a relief.  I didn't know how to get us both through it, and it turns out she's already made it through.  Now I just have to find closure for myself.

A dear friend is visiting soon.  I've decided to have the Amazon bonfire, complete with ritual burning of items FINALLY, and lists of things I need to let go of.  Both girls will be invited, and attend if they choose.

This feels so right..... like a deep cleansing breeze is on the way: )

Setting up a daily check in, between me and both girls, will be something I;d like to get in place.  More for me, perhaps, than them.  They've been doing that since they learned it in 2nd and 4th grades at their enlightened school. 

I'm the one who'll likely have the hardest time with it.  Thanks for the reminder to just keep talking to each other, Amber.  I think that's going to be one of the most important pieces.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

DD16 assures me she's been working on her issues instensely for months, and more recently, the issues I'm most concerned about.

Just saying that out loud is a relief.  I didn't know how to get us both through it, and it turns out she's already made it through.  Now I just have to find closure for myself.

A dear friend is visiting soon.  I've decided to have the Amazon bonfire, complete with ritual burning of items FINALLY, and lists of things I need to let go of.  Both girls will be invited, and attend if they choose.

This feels so right..... like a deep cleansing breeze is on the way: )

Setting up a daily check in, between me and both girls, will be something I;d like to get in place.  More for me, perhaps, than them.  They've been doing that since they learned it in 2nd and 4th grades at their enlightened school. 

I'm the one who'll likely have the hardest time with it.  Thanks for the reminder to just keep talking to each other, Amber.  I think that's going to be one of the most important pieces.

Lighter

The bonfire sounds like an amazing idea, Lighter, and I'm so pleased your D has just got on and sorted things out in her mind.  It sounds like all the things you've been doing really helped.  Steps forward, by the sound of things, it's good to be able to leave the past behind

[lighter]

Hi Tupp:


I've been researching the death arrow fire ceremony.  The biggest thing that comes up for me is the concept of "releasing" people, and things.......  especially harmful toxic people who don't deserve forgiveness.....  Who have done unforgivable things.

It helps tidy up what I used to think of as forgiveness......
which is tricky, and sometimes impossible to make sense of.   

Finding a way to make peace with the past, and leave toxic people behind..... if possible.... seems like fresh air to me.

Release..... to shed..... to leave behind.... scrape off.....dislodge..... cut out..... excise...... remove, and make space for something new....
::nodding::

I like it.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Hi Tupp:


I've been researching the death arrow fire ceremony.  The biggest thing that comes up for me is the concept of "releasing" people, and things.......  especially harmful toxic people who don't deserve forgiveness.....  Who have done unforgivable things.

It helps tidy up what I used to think of as forgiveness......
which is tricky, and sometimes impossible to make sense of.   

Finding a way to make peace with the past, and leave toxic people behind..... if possible.... seems like fresh air to me.

Release..... to shed..... to leave behind.... scrape off.....dislodge..... cut out..... excise...... remove, and make space for something new....
::nodding::

I like it.

Lighter

Releasing is something I find difficult, particularly when the other person hasn't acknowledged or accepted what they have done.  I do feel a little like I'm shedding stuff at the moment, people and past events I suppose.  I feel a bit like the past is holding me back and I want it gone so I can leap into the future.  Ceremonies can help, just because it's a sort of formal declaration I suppose, even if it's just to yourself, but you're showing that you mean business, you want this done and things need to change.  That can only be a good thing from my point of view

[lighter]

It feeeeels like a good thing, Tupp: )

Light

[lighter]

Trump.....

is a huge distraction. 

And all this.... legal.....nightmare....

::shaking head::.

entitled, litigious, combative in his world view.....

it's familiar, and I'm so very sick of it.

Sick.

Sick of watching the circus.

Any circus... all of them.

On the whole, I'm trying to ignore the news, but I do check in.

No....

I check to see if Trump's been outed.... for whatever it is he's done or can be PROVE he's done....
for whatever he can be exposedjust exposed, and in a way that his sycophants can't defend.  And if his sycophants DO continue, despite all evidence, I pray that reasonable men and women are somehow heard over the crazy.

We head out of the Country tomorrow, and I feel OK about it.  Like I have enough done, handled, under control to breath.  I want to dance and laugh with my cousins.... remember being young with them, and celebrate the first wedding of the next generation.  I'm smiling just thinking about it. 

My back went out.... a friend adjusted it, and it was the left side of my neck causing the lower back trouble.  He was right on target, and I'm feeling up to lifting and lugging heavy suitcases..... whew. 

I'll check in once we're settled: )

Lighter



 

[Twoapenny]

Do you think the wider world affects you more when it echoes things you've been through, Lighter?  We've got a very right wing government at the moment who are about to team up with a political team in Ireland who are anti abortion, anti gay, don't believe in evolution and so on.  Way, way out of my sphere and I find it very difficult to cope with being part of a minority who, it seems to me, are far more level headed and grounded in fact than the people in power.  To me it echoes my family dynamic and I think that's why it makes me feel so uncomfortable (or more uncomfortable than it seems to make a lot of other people, at any rate) and I wondered if you find that, too?

I hope your back is okay!  The wedding sounds like fun, I hope it's a lovely trip and that if your back plays up its from dancing, not from lugging suitcases x

[lighter]

I'm on phone when it dying battery but here's a quick update.

Canada great..... the Blue 🐋 exhibition is at their museum now....so cool!   We loved it.  Weather great.  Food lovely.

Niagra falls we're a lot of fun.  Amazing at night.....went to scary houses and mazes with competitive members of our group.  Fun was had by all.

On to wedding in Ohio and these cousins are the sweetest funniest ever.....we worked hard to decorate rustic historical barn and laughed a lot doing it.  I held lots if babies and danced my feet off.....we all did.  We put candles all over the walls on ledges......it was beautiful and the act blew arcticc cold across the dance floor.  They had a small vanilla cake with raspberry jam and vanilla buttercream then many different cup cakes for guest.....looked festive and delicious.  BBQ wAs very good...open bar with gf choices....a lovely light lemony Sangria was very popular...... everything went well and on time.  I really love

We're hitting a cool vintage shop on way out of town....a good time was had by all.
Light the entire process of decorating weddings.

[Hopalong]

Amen to the national nightmare, Lighter.

It's the backdrop of all other emotions I'm feeling these days.

Digging deep for a crumb of faith but there's so much GRIEF
for the beloved country.

The KKK is coming near me (nearer than you can imagine) soon.
After that a similar group.

I'm sickened by it all.

love
Hops

[lighter]

How threatening to have the KKK so close, Hops.  Why are they there?  Hopefully it's for a short time, and not permanent. 

I didn't watch the news while traveling.  It's too alarming.

The wedding couple are from different races.  It was uplifting to see cultural diversity celebrated in Ohio. 

Remember there are rational people willing to do what's right in the world too, Hops.

Lighter