Yes, I am alive! Thank you for all the support and posts over the last several days. Remembering that you were all out there pulling for me really kept me going when I was feeling stessed or low. I moved into my new house and really loving it. I no longer feel angry or stressed when I leave work! Speaking of work, I will have to post here during work hours for a while. I can't get internet at the house until the end of next week.
Posting here is hard because of many interruptions. (It is work, after all!)
I have pretty much been unpacking and setting up all the new stuff I bought and haven't unpacked much of the old stuff I brought along. I didn't realize how much junk I had accumulated! I want to sell, give away or throw away at least half of it. I am into living leaner and meaner these days. "Hanging onto stuff" is not where it is at for me anymore, emotionally or physically.
It worked out well that my W and D were out of town Friday through Sunday. I took off from work Friday (my boss is very understanding) and still had to work all night Saturday to get everything unplugged and packed. I have a lot! of stuff that doesn't fit in a standard box or can't be stacked. I didn't have that many boxes, so I ended up making several runs over myself in the wee hours. I did get help from my friend and neighbor with his pickup truck for several loads, too. That helped a lot! In the end, I even had time to comply with my wife's "requests." I was glad to leave the house in a clean and neat state and felt good that my daughter would see the care I put into things. I want to her to see me acting as a mature, responsible adult.
I was good up until the point when I had taken care of everything, had been awake for 24 hours straight and had nothing to do but sit and wait for the movers. Then I started to feel really sad. The realization that this might be the last time I was in this house to actually live there. The last night in that bed. The last time to wake up in "my" room. Despite all the problems I associate with that house, I have lived there a long time and places do get into your heart. If nothing else, it is familiar and known. I cried on the way to my new house, but have felt at peace with leaving since then. Even a house or familiar place needs to mourned. I am also attached to the cat that I left ther, just not to the degree of "my" cat. I will miss seeing him everyday too. I may try to arrange some visitation or swap time with the cats when things settle down from the move.
I told the movers to let me know when they moved stuff out of the garage so I could help corral the cats. My cat was !NUTS! with all the strange hours and activity leading up to the move. Well, they started moving stuff out of the garage with the front door wide open and my cat was nowhere to be found!
Of course, they finished moving and started threatening to charge me for making them wait while I was still looking for my cat. I was not happy.
I had to go to the other house for the movers as well as all the new appliance deliveries. In the meantime, I asked the daughter of my neighbors to keep looking outside for my cat. Luckily, I got a call after a couple of tense hours that they found him still in the garage. He must have found a new hiding place that I didn't know about. Talk about relief. I don't know what I would do if I lost him.
My D came over Sunday night to see the new place and told me all about her trip. She seemed fine with things. She had come from being with friends after returning from the trip and had not been back home yet. I don't know if this was a problem for her or not. I got an EMail from my W yesterday morning saying that my D would like to talk to a counselor to get help with this transition.
My W said she wanted to see the same person that did our joint counseling and that my W is still seeing despite telling us when we went in that she would not see us individually, only if we came as a couple. I'm not sure if this is my D's idea or my W's to see the same person. My W said that she would even give up her appointment next week so D can go in.
I replied back that I don't feel comfortable with that, in that it seems like a potential conflict of interest., but that I wanted to talk with my D about it first. I didn't tell her that I would like my daughter to see someone where I would consider going with her if ever needed. I do not feel comfortable going back to this counselor. I called my D twice yesterday, and she has not called back yet. Sometimes that happens for the mundane reason that she forgets to charge her phone and the battery runs out (especially around an out of town trip). Of course, in the present situation my mind fills in the blanks that my D is avoiding me because her mother told her she could and that her mother wants to send her to the same counselor because her mother has that person wrapped around her finger. Mind you, I have NO evidence to say this is the case. This is my mind jumping to conclusions. Still, my stomache has been churning since then. I will feel a lot better when I talk to my daughter. The other possibility that has me upset is that my daughter feels like she needs to act up to be "heard" but is too afraid to act up with her mother and I am the "release valve." I really don't know anything at this point, though.
Well, this seems like a "short" EMail for all the activity I've been through in the last week, but most of that has been boring packing, shopping, and unpacking. Now hopefully, I can get caught up on my reading here in another day or so. I really miss being able to come here whenever I want.
