Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
Lighter, I definitely feel like I move onto different planes of being and my awareness/understanding/logic or whatever it is moves to a different place; I see things I didn't see before, I start enjoying stuff I haven't enjoyed before, I want to leave behind things (and people) that I don't feel like I fit with anymore. Yes, yes and yes.
I will check out the meditation you mention, thank you, and I'm glad you've found some peace with the dress, however it comes back (or not!).
Thank you for the permission, again, I needed it today! Sister wanting to talk on the phone again (we really were out this time), a very frustrating drive to collect the paint for the flat and a feeling of being a child who isn't trusted to make decisions. The paint is paid for by the local authority, who own the flat, which is great, but there's a limited range of colours to choose from and no choice in the finish of the paint (gloss, matt, eggshell etc), plus they give you the amount they say you will need (which I don't think will be enough as some of the rooms will definitely need two coats). So whilst I'm grateful for the home and someone else paying for the paint, I do feel that I'm being treated like a child who can't be trusted to choose sensibly. And it happens a lot, and it's all to do with not having much money, and that's completely to do with having a child with disabilities and so that level of discrimination that comes into play with everything we do kind of got to me today (more so because the paint depot is on the edge of a carpark behind a road and there's no signage so it took an age to find and I was in a bad mood by the time I got there lol).
We went from there to a friend's place and she talked for two hours, non-stop. I had a headache, tried to break into the conversation a couple of times and did manage it but only for a short while and then it was back to her. I find more and more now that I look for solutions rather than drama, and quite quick ones - if so and so is being an idiot, keep away from so and so, if this situation is causing a problem, avoid the situation and so on. I feel now that I have to pick my battles and a lot of the small every day stuff just isn't worth the energy. I don't know if I'm all analysed out? I used to love going over and over things with people and working out she said this and he said that and then they said, and so on, but now I find I'm not interested? I think I wouldn't have minded listening to two hours of a really serious problem but a lot of it was stuff that I wouldn't have considered a problem (largely because I wouldn't have got into it in the first place). I just don't seem to have the energy for other people any more.
Anyway, we saw a film after that which was very funny, dinner's on and this evening should be nice and quiet. I'm trying to avoid the judgement :)
You have a lot of weeding to do, Lighter, will that be what you do over the weekend? x
lighter:
Well.... there's power in the words.....
"Let me know how that works out for you."
We can't fix everyone's problems.
Imagine how much energy we'd have for ourselves if we believed that, and stopped trying.
My youngest said to me today.....
"You should mind your own business", and she's right. She really is. Minding our own business means we pay as strict attention to solving our own problems. I think we could do much better at that, Tupp.
Yes.... I'm pulling weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. The yard looks better, but bald in places grass used to grow. I'll pull up moss from the wood edge and make everything green again. The Preen weed stopper received rain.... all watered in. I'm hoping it does the job it's supposed to do.... keep seeds from germinating for 3 months so I can get a handle on this. Maybe I'll get the yard I want this years. If not, then next year.
I'm not going to poison the grubs just yet.... the moles burrowing make it easier to pull the deeper weeds. They're my friends at this point. I never would have guessed I'd feel that way about them, but I do.
I'm looking forward to cleaning up all the borders and beds and edges of things. I'm good at that kind of work when I can focus. This time last year I couldn't see my yard past hiring someone to mow it. I just wanted it to not look worse than when I bought it. How stupid was it to spread all those grass and weed seeds with a mower? Not this year... nope nope nope.
It's me and the moles, and at least one sassy chipmunk rolling around in the dirt together, and I love it. Not enough to go barefoot, and gloveless all the time, but maybe a little. Did you love the feel of dirt between your toes when you were a child? I did. Still do.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on April 28, 2017, 10:16:19 PM ---Well.... there's power in the words.....
"Let me know how that works out for you."
We can't fix everyone's problems.
Imagine how much energy we'd have for ourselves if we believed that, and stopped trying.
My youngest said to me today.....
"You should mind your own business", and she's right. She really is. Minding our own business means we pay as strict attention to solving our own problems. I think we could do much better at that, Tupp.
Yes.... I'm pulling weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. The yard looks better, but bald in places grass used to grow. I'll pull up moss from the wood edge and make everything green again. The Preen weed stopper received rain.... all watered in. I'm hoping it does the job it's supposed to do.... keep seeds from germinating for 3 months so I can get a handle on this. Maybe I'll get the yard I want this years. If not, then next year.
I'm not going to poison the grubs just yet.... the moles burrowing make it easier to pull the deeper weeds. They're my friends at this point. I never would have guessed I'd feel that way about them, but I do.
I'm looking forward to cleaning up all the borders and beds and edges of things. I'm good at that kind of work when I can focus. This time last year I couldn't see my yard past hiring someone to mow it. I just wanted it to not look worse than when I bought it. How stupid was it to spread all those grass and weed seeds with a mower? Not this year... nope nope nope.
It's me and the moles, and at least one sassy chipmunk rolling around in the dirt together, and I love it. Not enough to go barefoot, and gloveless all the time, but maybe a little. Did you love the feel of dirt between your toes when you were a child? I did. Still do.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Wow, your DD! She's spot on! It is hard to know where the line between doing someone a favour and doing yourself no favours is. You'll be asking your kids for advice, Lighter, what an amazing thing :) And a chipmunk! How cute. I love moles as well, I know people don't like what they do in the garden but I think they're so cute.
Gardens are difficult to get right, I think, especially when you take on what someone else has created (or left, depending on the situation). But it all gets sorted eventually. I'm just concentrating on keeping mine tidy for now, it's nice to see what's growing and the birds are all nesting as well which is really cute.
I did realise today that I've been very silly for a long time! I had a flurry of contacts from people over the last couple of days and everyone is off having a lovely weekend, seeing friends, spending money, going on far away trips. And I realised that these people all put themselves and their families first, and I don't. I still prioritise other people and go visiting people when I could save the money and take myself and my boy away, or just use it to pay for someone to watch him for me so that I can have some time off. It made me realise that I have simply got to start putting him and myself first and stop rushing around after other people. I've cut the grass this morning and I'm going to work on the van after lunch. I keep putting if off because I worry about getting it wrong but I'm just going to get on with it and hope for the best :) Enjoy the gardening! x
lighter:
Tupp:
What would it look like.... if you spent your time and resources on only yourself? For a month, or two or three?
What would change for you? What would be possible that hasn't been possible before?
What can you give yourself that you haven't had access to before? Going places? Doing things locally?
::scalp crawling:: I just found another tick. This one crawling up my left thigh....on my jeans. He's presently with the other ticks..... under tape. He was another big one.
I finally talk my dd14 into enjoying the river, we've never explored together before. We enjoyed the rocks, and cold cold water in the heat of the day, and were happy and glad together. There was laughing, and DD said she was very happy to be there with me..... she wanted to do it again, explore more, and find even better places in the river.
On the way back to the car dd and I were wondering what might live in the very deep obvious holes in the earth we were stepping over when a lovely Black Racer snake popped into view. It was sunning itself just above the holes and to the left.... maybe 4 feet long but curled under a branch so it looked like two snakes...
snake central.
::nodding::
I was walking by it as I saw it... all my weight was committed and I had to go over it, mitt pug. DD stopped and went the other way.
Looking back, I'm sure there was a lot of squealing, though I only remember saying "SNAKE!" then going fast.
The other interesting thing about that trail was all the deer tracks.
Lots and lots of deer tracks.
Ummm... what time of year do they get frisky...
and aggressive?
Lighter
Twoapenny:
Snakes and ticks! I would be having a nervous breakdown, lol. We don't have many snakes in the UK; you sometimes see an adder basking in the sun when the weather's good but I think that's probably only happened to me three times in the forty plus years I've been around. I'm not keen on more sightings! The river sounds lovely, though, I remember the first time I put my boy in a stream and his little face, he was so excited. It's so nice to make those good memories.
And how funny you saying about only focusing on myself for a while because I've been thinking about that over the weekend. How much more could I do, how many different places could I visit, what could I afford if I stopped rushing around fitting people in and spending money I don't really have spare? I think it could be nice. I'm going to have a lazy day today; I do feel very tired - I've given up caffeine again so my artificial energy is nowhere to be seen and I do feel the difference! So today might be a feet up kind of a day.
I don't know about the deer? Would they run at you if it were mating season? I hope the ticks go, they're not nice little creatures!
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version