Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on May 05, 2017, 09:08:22 AM ---Waffle away, Tupp.
What I love most about the whole FB exchange is your ability to recognize old struggle, and not get so hooked into it.
It's tremendous growth when we no longer need others to understand our POV. Esp those who can't hear us.... just drop the rope. Yes.
I wonder when that'll shift into habit, so's we don't have to think about it any more.
I've always seen those WITH proper boundaries as sort of..... intimidating.
Sometimes scary.
There's a place where understanding why I felt that way...... calms my nervous system, and brings comfort in occupying Proper Boundary Land.
BEING there..... myself.
I still have anxiety when I'm around people with really good boundaries.... and I'm not feeling like I'm there with them. It's like ..... is it like I have to be unfaithful to the part I grew up with, or am used to playing (good girl) or what?
I know this....
I've noticed for many years that I'm very comfortable in the position of helper/do'er. My esteem was closely tied, in many ways not all, to being of service.
I still haven't learned how to comfortably BE with everyone in my world. I'm still sorting it out, and paying attention to it.
About walking away from a misunderstanding or difference of opinion with a (wounded) person who can't hear you..... I did that last year. Just signed off, and didn't bother to respond at all... not one explanation. It was comforting, and felt SO right to drop the rope, then go do something for myself.
About not getting the proper promised referrals...... I don't know how your system works, but everyone has managers somewhere. Can you gain something by going to the next tier of power in this situation?
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Hi Lighter :)
Re the referrals, he was the highest chap. I can make a complaint (which I will) but the way the system works here is that all initial complaints are fobbed off; everything is dismissed as a misunderstanding (on the part of the person making the complaint). You then have to complain to an external body who take more than a year, usually, to investigate. They will find in your favour (if your complaint was genuine) but the whole process takes a year and a half and all that happens then is you get a letter from the organisation you complained about saying they will use your concerns to improve their service and that's the end of it (I've done it so many times!). Best way forward now is for me to organise what I can myself; I booked appointment with local doctor to see if they can organise one referral, a second I can do myself, a third will involve me writing to the doctor that would have to do the assessment and asking him if he thinks we need to see him; if he says no, I can leave that, if not we go to new doc at new hospital (who is unaware of all of this as previous consultant transferred case across without sending any information) and ask him to do that plus three others that are outstanding (and all need to be made by a consultant, not a regular doctor). It's a ludicrously ineffective and inefficient system but that's how it works. Son is doing okay so I'm not spitting feathers at the moment and I am going on a paperwork bonanza at the minute to get as much done over the weekend as I can so it's all out of the way and not annoying me anymore :)
Yes, I've always found boundaries intimidating as well! But I am starting to feel that I really don't care what people think anymore, or if they're offended by what I say. I'm not deliberately rude or obnoxious to people but if someone doesn't like what they hear is that my problem? I wouldn't bluster in giving unsolicited opinions but I am feeling less inclined to hide my thoughts and feelings away as I always have done. Which I think is good?
The Facebook thing was definitely a good moment; usually I'd have worried about this and I'm usually desperate for other people to see things from my point of view but I really don't feel like I care and I've no inclination to try and smooth things over or make the peace. For me, there were alarm bells going off with his refusal to listen to what was being said and his own broken record technique and I just didn't want to involve myself with that. It does feel good to just walk away from something (or someone) and just get on with something different.
How are things with you? Have you had any more trips to the stream recently? x
Twoapenny:
Something else I've noticed is that my desire to rescue people seems to be going? I am focusing more along the lines of health, money and good time for myself and son and it is feeling right? Instead of me feeling I ought to be doing things for other people?
Hopalong:
(((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))
What would it feel like to read your own last post if all the question marks were replaced by periods?
Try it!
xxoo
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on May 05, 2017, 04:50:03 PM ---(((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))
What would it feel like to read your own last post if all the question marks were replaced by periods?
Try it!
xxoo
Hops
--- End quote ---
Hopsie, what do you mean by periods, is that what you call full stops? So it's a statement, not a question? It does feel good, although such a big step for me I think it makes me feel a bit hesitant? (Another question mark :) ). In the UK, periods are your menstrual cycle which really made me laugh, I had visions of myself in a hyped up menstrual rant shouting "I'm not rescuing you!" at people :) xx
Hopalong:
Tee HEE.
Yes, periods as punctuation marks, not bloody periods.
Oh that's funny.
But, yes.
Try it as full stops.
(I'm suggesting it as a small way to experience your own voice with more power. Nothing scary, just getting more comfortable with assertive statements, is all...)
Hugs
Hops
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