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How Do You Manage Your Stress?

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lighter:
Hi ((((Tupp))))

I'm glad you're feeling better.... working on re training for yourself, and full time education choices for son.... he's growing up, and his world might benefit, in all ways/unexpected ways, from expansion? 

Not sure, but I trust you, and I trust that you're looking after his needs in the best possible way...... always.

Going back to the good T sounds like a great idea too. 

Lighter

Twoapenny:
Thank you, (((((((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))

Yes I think the time to expand his world has come.  He's more like a six to seven year old mentally than a fifteen year old but hormones pay no attention to that so he's getting interested in girls and wanting to spend more time alone.  I think it would be good for him to be with other kids all day now; in the past it's been too tiring for him but I think it would be best now (still tiring, but I think it would be better to be tired and with them rather than not tired without them).  It will take time to sort out, funding obstacles as always, but it's reasonably straightforward and I know lots of people who help out with this sort of thing so it should be relatively straight forward.

I've decided to take a bit of an 'at home' holiday.  I definitely feel that I've let something go over the last few days and I feel very tired but in a relaxed and contented way, rather than an exhausted way.  So I've decided to fit in my yoga and mediation each day (that's going okay, I'm not going mad on it, just trying to do a little more each day), rest, take naps, go for walks and just sort of potter rather than rushing around trying to prove I'm not useless all day long.  Something has definitely shifted; I just don't feel as driven to prove that I'm worth existing.  I kind of feel alright in myself whether I'm doing a lot or not very much.

Anyway - an odd thing.  I decided to go out for breakfast this morning, to a nice cafe we haven't been to for a long time.  We were driving there and I was thinking how nice it is not to keep bumping into my parents - I haven't seen either of them since we moved and I've stopped tensing up everytime I see a van that looks like his.  We went to the cafe and on the way there saw a notice for shamanic drumming circles, something I've been wanting to try.  I felt it was one of those 'universe' moments and smiled to myself.  We had a nice breakast and a nice chat with the people in the cafe.  We went to the charity shop and I bought my son a DVD and had a chat with the ladies in there - again, nice.  We went in to the cake shop for a treat for later on and again, three nice people in there went out of their way to chat to us.  So I was in one of those 'the universe is telling me there are nice people around' moods.  We got in the van to head for home, headed off down a narrow lane that we don't drive down very often, went round the corner - and literally ran straight into my stepdad.  He does tree work and was cutting large trees by the side of this narrow road so half the road was shut and to get by I'd literally have to drive within an inch of his foot (he was waving traffic through so there was no way he wouldn't see me).  I just swung into reverse and went back the way we came.  What was interesting (apart from the bugger popping up on the same day I was thinking how nice it was not to see him) was that I didn't/haven't had a massive reaction to it.  I've just carried on with my day.  Sometimes my reactions are delayed so maybe it will come later but at the moment I feel unaffected by it.  It will be interesting to see what happens - and very nice if nothing happens at all :)

lighter:
First.... ((((Tupp))))  Intersecting paths with the SF...... such an odd thing, esp since you'd been thinking of him. 

Do you sometimes think we attract or repel things, depending on the energy we send into the world....  with thoughts we have?   I'm not saying seeing him has any meaning, outside the opportunity to observe how you're feeling, and responding in the moment.  That's what it is, IMO.  It's about your journey, and that journey will carry on beyond your past..... in it's own time.  In it's own way.

All will be well.

Maybe you're supposed to experience having very little response to seeing him... and you're supposed to have that information today.  Maybe this is something you can put ONE pin in, and move past.... knowing there will be many pins, and you'll be OK handling them too.

About feeling better....Do you think BEING in observer mode is part of that?  I think it is for me right now.  I truly do.

Second....
what a grand day.... to just lean into happy expectations, and enjoy nice things as they happen for you.   

THESE are the experiences you want more of.

You're getting more, and I'd love to see you engage in the drumming circle too.  You'll meet new people, learn something new, and perhaps find an interest that feeds your heart and soul in ways you won't understand until you're in those moments.

My DD16 is in a Djembe drumming exhibition group, so it's funny you bring this up as she performed last Friday and will again this Friday.  When she was first introduced to it she resisted..... she said she didn't enjoy it, etc.  The truth was.... she didn't enjoy doing something she wasn't good at.  Practice brought great joy, and now her entire face changes when I see her drum. She LOVES it..... her entire groups is amazing. 

The truth is..... I struggle not to break into tears when they play.... it brings up powerful emotions.... they just flood over me.... I always regret not remembering kleenex. 

I do think music can be tranforming..... link us, and open spaces inside us.

Yes: )

That's my way of saying I'd love to read you've taken up drumming!

DD16 said she'd like to have drumming circles around our Amazon bondire..... but she'd need help asking people to attend.  This was HUGE bc she's usually not aware when she needs to ask for help, but there it was.... soft, thoughtful, and not at all a struggle for her.  This makes me happy for her, and for me, bc inviting happy, healing spirits to the bonfire is something I've wanted to do, which reminds me.... I just made friends with the music teacher at dd14's school.  She WOULD LOVE this. 

Well...... I'm going to resist falling into doubt, and questioning the good things.  After I posted yesterday I simply DID things I used to do without struggle.... no thought.  Just DID. 

I chalked it up to making connections about my inner struggles, which freed up brain function to shift into something else, which it did on it's own.  It was grand, TUPP!  Things that used to bring me pleasure...... brought pleasure again.  I'm talking doing my feet.... a simple self care thing, and cleaning the face of kitchen cabinets.  Not special, but SO SPECIAL bc my brain was in the zone without effort.

I'm glad we're breathing easier and noticing more joy together.... now.   Our kids are growing up, their needs are shifting, and so are ours. 

Sharing some of the journey with you feels right too; )

Light

Twoapenny:
Wow how amazing that she is loving the drumming, Lighter, and recognising when to ask for help - I think we all need to practise that a bit more :)  And that those simple things are getting easier for you again.  It's lovely when you can just potter about, doing nothing terribly urgent or important but enjoying doing it and feeling good for doing it.  And yes, sharing the journey is always a good thing :)

I've not had a bad reaction to seeing my step-dad, other than eating too many biscuits last night.  Given that I used to disassociate for days at a time if I saw him or become physically ill, I think a couple of chocolate digestives is fine :)

Today has been a good day.  I did some yoga and meditated this morning.  I caught up on some housework and my son helped me prep up food for today and tomorrow.  We've been out to do some shopping and run some errands and we gave the van a good wash.  I've spent some time enjoying the garden and that constant reel of criticism, judgement, should do, ought to that runs through my head and always has done has got very quiet.  I went out with bird's nest hair, yesterday's clothes and my wellies on and I didn't mind a bit :)

I have chosen to see yesterday's events as the Universe showing me all the good things - the drumming circle, the nice people, the nice food that someone else cooked, the fact that my son was well enough to (a) leave the house and (b) walk to the various places we went to - that are out there and that Mr Numpty 'messed up should have gone to therapy himself' isn't important any more.  He was a minor inconvenience to my day, causing a delay of no more than two minutes and that's all he was.  He doesn't matter.  I like that view and I'm sticking to it :)

JustKathy:
This is a great topic. I have to say that I related to every word in Lighter's first post. Yes, it IS inside us, especially those of us who have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (I'm guessing many, if not all children of Ns have some level of anxiety). In a case like that, it's a true biological condition that we can only hope to manage, but never cure. We stress over managing our stress, a cycle that's so hard to break.

My stress has been managed well at times, while sometimes so bad that it's been disabling. It was definitely easier to manage when I was working full time, probably because my mind was so occupied with work. I find that the more free time I have, the harder it is to control stress. You'd think the opposite would be true, but in my case, a mind at rest is just a sponge that's ready to soak up all the bad stuff. The horror show we're experiencing in the States right now has really pegged my stress level. Those racist, vile comments that you talked about on Internet forums is definitely a trigger. I know that I need to stop reading them, but at the same time, I also feel that I need to read the news in order to stay informed. Why is it so hard to ignore those comments? It's like a horrible trainwreck that you can't turn away from. I imagine that issue is probably causing anxiety on a global scale. It really is awful. I don't think that particular problem is going to go away anytime soon, so we'll all need to figure out a way to look in the opposite direction.

I've also had old memories that were long buried come back to haunt me. Things that happened when I was only five years old, now back with startling clarity. Tupp, I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer the trauma of rape. I'm not sure how one copes with that. I was sexually assaulted a few years back, just groped, so minor in comparison. Still, that moment will be with me for the rest of my life. I think that's a given with any trauma. Have you thought of writing about it? If you like to write, a good essay on your experience might act as a release, with the bonus of offering comfort to other women. I need to practice what I preach, though. My writing instructor is always encouraging me to write essays, and I just procrastinate. That's a whole other problem that needs to be dealt with. :?

Because my mind needs a distraction, I'm trying to avoid situations where I'm alone, bored, and open to dwelling on things. Human contact is always good. That one can be a challenge for me since I'm no longer working, but just getting outside, walking the dog, and chatting with neighbours does so much to lift my spirits and take me out of that dark place.

I've also been going to my psych a lot more in recent months. Unfortunately, her time is so limited, I always feel rushed, but I also feel much better for having gone.

When I'm alone, two things that distract me in a positive way are reading (good novels, not news), and music. Music is probably the biggest healer for me. Putting on some favourite songs, and just dancing around a little, that can take me to another place. Sometimes it even helps to listen to songs that have depressing lyrics about abuse or whatever, but I relate to them, and they bring me comfort. Does that sound weird? You mentioned your drumming, and I think that's great. There's something magical about music, whether listening to it or creating it. I think we should all put on a favourite record today and dance. ABBA, anyone? :)

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