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How Do You Manage Your Stress?
lighter:
I try to do a little research on trauma every day. Today I happened on this video by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.
THis video is good bc it gives so much information about how the brain and body are involved in trauma, and healing same, IMO. Particularly childhood trauma.
Dr. Kolk is not too keen on Western medicine..... you'll hear that pretty clearly. He's also not insisting there's one magic bullet or path to heal trauma. He simply points out WHY certain healing modalities help, and cites the work and studies to back it up.
This kind of information really appeals to my need to know what and why. You may have to copy and paste the link; )
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXr_IB1ELCk
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: JustKathy on February 20, 2017, 12:19:00 PM ---This is a great topic. I have to say that I related to every word in Lighter's first post. Yes, it IS inside us, especially those of us who have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (I'm guessing many, if not all children of Ns have some level of anxiety). In a case like that, it's a true biological condition that we can only hope to manage, but never cure. We stress over managing our stress, a cycle that's so hard to break.
My stress has been managed well at times, while sometimes so bad that it's been disabling. It was definitely easier to manage when I was working full time, probably because my mind was so occupied with work. I find that the more free time I have, the harder it is to control stress. You'd think the opposite would be true, but in my case, a mind at rest is just a sponge that's ready to soak up all the bad stuff. The horror show we're experiencing in the States right now has really pegged my stress level. Those racist, vile comments that you talked about on Internet forums is definitely a trigger. I know that I need to stop reading them, but at the same time, I also feel that I need to read the news in order to stay informed. Why is it so hard to ignore those comments? It's like a horrible trainwreck that you can't turn away from. I imagine that issue is probably causing anxiety on a global scale. It really is awful. I don't think that particular problem is going to go away anytime soon, so we'll all need to figure out a way to look in the opposite direction.
I've also had old memories that were long buried come back to haunt me. Things that happened when I was only five years old, now back with startling clarity. Tupp, I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer the trauma of rape. I'm not sure how one copes with that. I was sexually assaulted a few years back, just groped, so minor in comparison. Still, that moment will be with me for the rest of my life. I think that's a given with any trauma. Have you thought of writing about it? If you like to write, a good essay on your experience might act as a release, with the bonus of offering comfort to other women. I need to practice what I preach, though. My writing instructor is always encouraging me to write essays, and I just procrastinate. That's a whole other problem that needs to be dealt with. :?
Because my mind needs a distraction, I'm trying to avoid situations where I'm alone, bored, and open to dwelling on things. Human contact is always good. That one can be a challenge for me since I'm no longer working, but just getting outside, walking the dog, and chatting with neighbours does so much to lift my spirits and take me out of that dark place.
I've also been going to my psych a lot more in recent months. Unfortunately, her time is so limited, I always feel rushed, but I also feel much better for having gone.
When I'm alone, two things that distract me in a positive way are reading (good novels, not news), and music. Music is probably the biggest healer for me. Putting on some favourite songs, and just dancing around a little, that can take me to another place. Sometimes it even helps to listen to songs that have depressing lyrics about abuse or whatever, but I relate to them, and they bring me comfort. Does that sound weird? You mentioned your drumming, and I think that's great. There's something magical about music, whether listening to it or creating it. I think we should all put on a favourite record today and dance. ABBA, anyone? :)
--- End quote ---
I was nodding all the way through that, Kathy, I have always kept myself very busy because I find it keeps my mind occupied and I can't think about 'stuff' too much. That said, my health is starting to suffer now and I've been having to slow down a bit. The doctor put me on a low dose of anti depressant and I have to say (after having horrible experiences with those sort of drugs years ago) that it is helping, it's just keeping my mind calm enough for me to be in control of it rather than it controlling me. I'm trying to meditate and do yoga each day, even just for five minutes, and to spend time in the garden and out walking whenever possible.
I tend to try and avoid the news as much as I can; some days I know I can cope with it and some days I know I can't. I have filled my Facebook feed with positive, environmentally friendly, peace and love type groups so that I have a 'good news' feed to turn to when I need to. I can't cope with the helplessness; I feel there isn't a huge amount I can do other than look after myself well, be nice to people and give away a few quid here and there to someone who needs it when I have it to spare.
Sexual assault is never minor or trivial, Kathy, whichever form it takes, my T really drummed that into me. Apparently it is quite common for people who've been through it to trivialise or diminish what happened but the invasion of privacy, the refusal to recognise boundaries, the lack of concern for the other person, they're all the same whichever way someone does something you don't want them too. It's on my mind a lot more these days, the number of men who think laying hands on someone is perfectly okay, the victim blaming that goes on, I've been talking to friends and not a single one hasn't at some time had sexual attention forced on them. I'm not talking about a guy trying for a kiss at the end of a date but women who have been sitting minding their own business and suddenly found a man with his hands on them. I think we really need to drum it into our sons that casually groping women is never acceptable and into our daughters that it's never 'not a big deal'. Obviously women abuse as well so perhaps it would be more appropriate for it to be all encompassing to both sexes. I suppose I think more about male to female because that was my experience.
I love to dance! And yes, sad music, or even music written by someone who's had a bad experience even if that isn't what the song's about, I find that very uplifting. I love listening to Fiona Apple, apparently she was raped and just knowing that makes me hear her songs as being very strong, whatever they might be about. Someone else I love is Sinead O'Connor; she was talking about Catholic abuse scandals years ago, long before it became public knowledge and received a lot of criticism for it before it became apparent she was right. I love the fact that she shaved her head in defiance of the record company who wanted her to look more girly and find her very articulate and passionate; I could listen to her all day :)
sKePTiKal:
Radical idea (and it's a work in progress):
What if what we call stress is actually our struggle to find meaning in the things that happen to us - that we're not able to control? For whatever reason.
Sometimes it's trauma - both the kind that is violent, a one-time life threatening event and the longer term, dominating over-riding of our personal will? Sometimes it's world events that all we can "do" about it is voice an opinion or cast a vote - because we're not in a position currently to make a difference. Sometimes it's just randomness of LIFE. Those "accidents" or "life events" where a person asks, one way or another, "why me?"
I dunno. Maybe this idea won't stick. I'm working with it a little... and reading a book about such things.
lighter:
http://www.wisdompills.com/2014/09/19/4-questions-medicine-man-ask/
Four questions the medicine man would ask you.....
Tupp was talking about dancing..... I used to love to dance. I miss it lately.
Yesterday our education consultant brought up the four questions... I'm putting it here.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I like this blogger's theme of "permission for women."
http://www.maraglatzel.com/praying-at-the-altar-of-busy/
See what you think.
Love
Hops
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