Oh, none of us are all that sensitive Lighter. Not even Holly - she does hide behind that sometimes to express irritation at some of my mom-reflexes - but her irritation goes away when she has to admit she does the same things, sometimes.

And that I can't always catch myself either.
Even when we're REALLY angry with each other, it almost always ends in laughing at ourselves for being jerks, one way or another.
She called me from the road, and we talked when I called her back. She didn't call last night because it was after 11 pm. Told her a text that said she arrived at planned destination was all I needed and we can always chat in the mornings. Texts have gone back & forth periodically today. Silly "adventure" stuff. Knuckles stuff. I knew the dog was going to be a challenge (in more ways than one).
Dr. Know-It-All, my friend - initially understood how I could forget that long post of things that I did during the timeframe he wanted me to help. He asked very late at night one night... and I was already stressed out about Holly seeing Matt. My brain doesn't fire on all cylinders when I'm stressed. All was fine until he started making snide & nasty comments by way of "diagnosing" Holly's mental/emotional state to me. (Which are totally off-base and also a boundary issue, IMO.)
So, I didn't just return fire. I stopped. I considered the messaging that had gone on late in the night; the stress we were both feeling... I simply corrected the record (I thought), apologized thoroughly and formally for backing out on him and owned the mistake I made. And still those one-liner nastygrams continue, along with a total misperception about Holly and our relationship.
That perception is, no doubt in my mind, being painted with his bitterness about what's happened within his own family - the incapacitated wife he's still married to (and hasn't lived with in 12 years), the plans to care for his disabled adult daughter, the #2 daughter also bailing on him... AND the woman he lives with. His responsibilities at the moment have him between two states, which is not where he lives most of the time. He really IS overwhelmed, I get that. I would be a basketcase.
The family situation itself - was enough for me to pull out my trusty 10 ft pole. The additional nastygrams yesterday had me asking WTH he was talking about. He asked if he might be losing his mind... LOL. I said it was a distinct possibility the way he'd misperceived things I'd said. AFTER I'd validated his plans, decisions and problem-solving even.
He's like a hand grenade that's had the pin pulled. But instead of being overly sensitive - he strikes out with venom. I don't need that and have no intention of continuing to be on the receiving end of this. I keep wondering if it would be even worse, if I had let Holly dangle on her own - without being here to witness her processing and keep her from doing any more damage to her self image - and did arrive on site to help him. (As all the other "developments" were forthcoming from him, after I bowed out.)
I think I narrowly escaped a very unpleasant experience that would probably put a stake in the heart of any possible friendship. I'll give him a wide berth for awhile; let him get his situation under control by himself and stay a bit more detached.
Blech.