Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
Twoapenny:
She sounds like a good choice, Lighter. I like the idea of having multiple ways of dealing with or managing things as they come up, and of having daily routines that help to keep us calmer as we go through the day.
I'm sorry you have had all those triggering images to work through. I find it enormously sad when we look back on times and struggle to think of a place we felt happy or safe, or of a person who made us feel that way. I'm glad you found a good place to visit in your mind, though. That helps so much. It's good to know you can go back there. It's good to have someone guide you through the process and to know they're there to pull you out if it gets too much. That helps so much. xx
lighter:
It IS good to have a guide to help us through the mire, Tupp. I didn't connect with other Ts this way, and if I really liked them, they often broke my heart with tears of frustration/helplessness/sadness, which felt dreadful. It felt like I was inflicting my problems on them too.
THIS experience has been completely different. She's very calm, and not unhinged. Always leading toward an answer, and another tool. Always educating, and sharing her experience to connect the dots. I think that's necessary FOR ME. To have shared experience.
In any case, I have four more appointments booked weekly. I'm looking forward to seeing her regularly. I hope oldest dd considers meeting with her.
I am feeling better. I'm enjoying the ability to steady myself, whatever comes up, and know what's under it/happening.
I've been to my happy place, again and again. It's a relief. I didn't realize how different it is to have a happy place vs a place that keeps one from cracking up for an hour or two during tremendous ongoing crisis.
This is better.
I hope you have a happy place too, Tupp. I've never had a T who could help me find it before. I've had many who helped me NOT find it. There's a certain shame to not figuring something out in T, IME. It's heavy, unhelpful, and has to be worked'round, IME.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 29, 2019, 04:27:07 PM ---It IS good to have a guide to help us through the mire, Tupp. I didn't connect with other Ts this way, and if I really liked them, they often broke my heart with tears of frustration/helplessness/sadness, which felt dreadful. It felt like I was inflicting my problems on them too.
THIS experience has been completely different. She's very calm, and not unhinged. Always leading toward an answer, and another tool. Always educating, and sharing her experience to connect the dots. I think that's necessary FOR ME. To have shared experience.
In any case, I have four more appointments booked weekly. I'm looking forward to seeing her regularly. I hope oldest dd considers meeting with her.
I am feeling better. I'm enjoying the ability to steady myself, whatever comes up, and know what's under it/happening.
I've been to my happy place, again and again. It's a relief. I didn't realize how different it is to have a happy place vs a place that keeps one from cracking up for an hour or two during tremendous ongoing crisis.
This is better.
I hope you have a happy place too, Tupp. I've never had a T who could help me find it before. I've had many who helped me NOT find it. There's a certain shame to not figuring something out in T, IME. It's heavy, unhelpful, and has to be worked'round, IME.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
I did laugh when you said she's not unhinged, Lighter, I do know what you mean! I've seen some people over the years who seemed to have more problems than I did! It doesn't make you feel well supported when that happens. She sounds good. It's nice to have someone who can give you the skills to navigate through things yourself and who has a range of skills to give you, rather than a one size fits all approach that you can't do anything with if it doesn't happen to work for you or in that particular situation. I'm glad the happy place is helping. It's good to have a port in the storm xx
sKePTiKal:
For me, it was tai chi that activated my parasympathetic nervous system. It actually occurs in us, before we are able to notice it's happening, I think. Since I've not practiced in a long time, what has stayed with me are all the short cuts and alternatives I've found to do the same thing.
Closing my eyes and focusing on just relaxing into feeling "safe" (just feeling my body) and breathing - short moments, done a few times - works just as well.
Had to remind myself to do that just yesterday, because my rational, practical brain was trying to beat my emotional brain senseless over the intense emotions I'm experiencing with Buck. Unrestricted ruminating on all the realities of the situation... what on earth am I getting myself into? That kind of thing. Emotional self has gotten stronger over the few years alone and blew all those arguments out of the water. My small whisper of intuition has always been emotional self; and she's never steered me wrong. So that moment passed and I'm still on course.
There is a personal reciprocation problem in all of that experience - born of my environmental dysfunction in the parenting situation... in that for me, the two perceptions or brains can be opponents rather than just playing different roles on the same team. That's still a work in progress especially for the big things that happen in life. Holly is really great at feedback for me and it's a measure of reciprocity between us that I can do the same for her. She pointed out that I took it harder, her losing the baby, than she did. I hurt so much for her, I didn't even see that.
But it was a huge clue for me, in that I'm in a moment where my center of gravity has shifted towards emotional brain for a change. So it really was time for the "come to Jesus" talk between the two brains about the things that are going on here, if I hope to be able to maintain centeredness and groundedness going forward. Steve is moving in; privacy for me has to adapt to that until the Holly Hut is built (and somehow those 3-4 years of living alone balanced out all the years I've been in a relationship). I have to know when and how to gracefully get myself the alone time I need. And Buck will be coming back too - or I'll visit him; the road isn't one way.
There is a lot of big stuff happening in my life, and I need both sides of my brain cooperating together - each specializing in their areas - and not fighting each other.
Hopalong:
Lighter, I'm really happy for you.
The tomato patch meditation reminds me enormously of what I experienced with clinical hypnotherapy. Exactly the same thing...finding one's own particular place of peace, and conjuring it up in every sensate detail, to the point you recognize that in some way, you are actually there in the present.
I'm delighted for you, that you are going to be working this way. It's so deep and genuine, and even though I argue with you about some alternative things, not this one. This goes to healing the soul (if that word works).
BRAVO!
Hugs
Hops
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