Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
lighter:
Thanks, ((CB)). Your story is helpful, and I appreciate your taking the time to share it here.
For your liver, if you aren't taking milk thistle supplements, maybe consider them. My friend 67yo takes them daily, for the past 10 years, and claims they support his liver a good deal.
My brother claims to be fine after his gb removal, and that's comforting that you're experience is the same.
My same age female friend, experiencing the gb issues now, is doing well, and symptom free right now. I'll check back with her and see how her scans are going. She's been working with a practitioner to break up the stones, and I'm hoping it works.
Lighter
lighter:
Yes yes yes, Tupp. It is helpful to have a T who's steady, and on point, all the time. This T is a psychotherapist, and I think she's a good fit for me. I can't stand to see pity in people's eyes. I can't stand to see agonizing helplessness either..... or tears from a T. It's upsetting when I've upset them, and they feel they have nothing to offer. It's frustrating when what they offer isn't helpful too.
I see compassion, and empathy in this T's eyes, yes, but it's backed up with an iron determination and knowledge she has skills to share. I can see that she believes she can help, and she's focused on pushing forward, and through. We keep moving, where we need to move, and we linger where I need help zeroing in on honing particular skills. She's very detail oriented, and lazer focused on making sure I'm with her, and "getting" what she's explaining.
It's a new experience, and I'm so grateful.
Yesterday I noticed I opened the garage door, and there was no overt anxiety or expectation the world would be on fire. Typically, I open that door ready to respond to crisis. It's become my norm.
I remember noticing the pattern of calming down, and resetting.... when there were lulls between court cases in 2010. I moved 2 States away... distance helped. I'd calm down, then get double knocked down when a legal e mail, or letter arrived..... I think that was the point where my sympathetic nervous system built pathways that kept me hyper alert, protecting me in a way. I've brought it up on the board, l know I have. Some part of me KNEW something terrible was happening. Something I couldn't control. There was a type of safety and protection in those pathways, but it's my default setting now.
This T explains everything, so I can process it, and leads me out. Distance was part of the answer, not THE answer.
I hope you're having a good week, Tupp. Remember... push on a doorjamp, hard hard HARD when you're feeling like climbing the walls. Download Kardia, if you haven't already, and see if it begins helping.
I know you have your own journey, but I feel I hope these tools can help a bit, if not a lot.
I try to do 5 minutes of Kardia breathing a day, which I haven't managed yet. That's the goal; )
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on July 02, 2019, 10:15:21 AM ---Yes yes yes, Tupp. It is helpful to have a T who's steady, and on point, all the time. This T is a psychotherapist, and I think she's a good fit for me. I can't stand to see pity in people's eyes. I can't stand to see agonizing helplessness either..... or tears from a T. It's upsetting when I've upset them, and they feel they have nothing to offer. It's frustrating when what they offer isn't helpful too.
I see compassion, and empathy in this T's eyes, yes, but it's backed up with an iron determination and knowledge she has skills to share. I can see that she believes she can help, and she's focused on pushing forward, and through. We keep moving, where we need to move, and we linger where I need help zeroing in on honing particular skills. She's very detail oriented, and lazer focused on making sure I'm with her, and "getting" what she's explaining.
It's a new experience, and I'm so grateful.
Yesterday I noticed I opened the garage door, and there was no overt anxiety or expectation the world would be on fire. Typically, I open that door ready to respond to crisis. It's become my norm.
I remember noticing the pattern of calming down, and resetting.... when there were lulls between court cases in 2010. I moved 2 States away... distance helped. I'd calm down, then get double knocked down when a legal e mail, or letter arrived..... I think that was the point where my sympathetic nervous system built pathways that kept me hyper alert, protecting me in a way. I've brought it up on the board, l know I have. Some part of me KNEW something terrible was happening. Something I couldn't control. There was a type of safety and protection in those pathways, but it's my default setting now.
This T explains everything, so I can process it, and leads me out. Distance was part of the answer, not THE answer.
I hope you're having a good week, Tupp. Remember... push on a doorjamp, hard hard HARD when you're feeling like climbing the walls. Download Kardia, if you haven't already, and see if it begins helping.
I know you have your own journey, but I feel I hope these tools can help a bit, if not a lot.
I try to do 5 minutes of Kardia breathing a day, which I haven't managed yet. That's the goal; )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Gosh, Lighter, this is exactly what happens to me; I'm fine until I get an email or a phone call or letter and the terror response shoots through me instantly, before I've read anything or picked the phone up. I'm trying to catch it before it shoots up now; I just find that when I'm in that heightened space it's almost impossible to talk myself back down out of it and any thought of breathing or yoga exercises or any kind of distraction just isn't there. It's almost like being possessed by something (someone) else. So I'm trying really hard at the minute to get into good daily habits (sleep, yoga, meditation, food, avoiding stress) in the hope that will get my overall stress levels down and then I'm hoping that will make the jump when an email arrives less and then I can catch it before it escalates.
If I had to pinpoint one time that started all of this it would be receiving the letter that told me they were taking child protection action against me. Son was four; I had no idea it was coming, there'd been no conversation, meeting, preliminary paperwork - I just received a letter telling me the date of the child protection conference and advising me to get a lawyer. To this day they still haven't been able to give me a reason for starting that action against me. And I can remember just feeling like something had slammed into my chest; I couldn't breathe, I felt sick to my stomach, my head swam, I just couldn't function. We were living in one room at the time, sharing a bed, he was playing on the floor with his trains. I had no money, things were already bad with my mum (although I didn't know at that time that she was the one who'd done all of this) and do you know what, nothing's really been the same since. And that reaction is exactly what I get now, just seeing an email or an unknown number come up on my phone, and in seconds I'm in a court situation where I'm fighting to keep him and it just snowballs. So I understand exactly what you mean about the world being on fire and being ready to respond to a crisis. I think it's because it's our kids, the fight for them is different to other things, I think, because most of the time you can get another job or house or partner, but your kids? And keeping them safe from those other people who are so smooth and so manipulative and who can throw money at fancy lawyers while we have to sit up till the small hours reading up on family law on the internet - bleurgh. It's not surprising we've ended up in that constant heightened state. I am really glad the T is helping; she sounds great and I will look up that Kardia thing you've mentioned to see if it helps.
Keep on keeping on, Lighter! It's time for calm, and safety, and moss making! Lol xx
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on July 04, 2019, 03:20:34 PM ---
--- Quote from: lighter on July 02, 2019, 10:15:21 AM ---Yes yes yes, Tupp. It is helpful to have a T who's steady, and on point, all the time. This T is a psychotherapist, and I think she's a good fit for me. I can't stand to see pity in people's eyes. I can't stand to see agonizing helplessness either..... or tears from a T. It's upsetting when I've upset them, and they feel they have nothing to offer. It's frustrating when what they offer isn't helpful too.
I see compassion, and empathy in this T's eyes, yes, but it's backed up with an iron determination and knowledge she has skills to share. I can see that she believes she can help, and she's focused on pushing forward, and through. We keep moving, where we need to move, and we linger where I need help zeroing in on honing particular skills. She's very detail oriented, and lazer focused on making sure I'm with her, and "getting" what she's explaining.
It's a new experience, and I'm so grateful.
Yesterday I noticed I opened the garage door, and there was no overt anxiety or expectation the world would be on fire. Typically, I open that door ready to respond to crisis. It's become my norm.
I remember noticing the pattern of calming down, and resetting.... when there were lulls between court cases in 2010. I moved 2 States away... distance helped. I'd calm down, then get double knocked down when a legal e mail, or letter arrived..... I think that was the point where my sympathetic nervous system built pathways that kept me hyper alert, protecting me in a way. I've brought it up on the board, l know I have. Some part of me KNEW something terrible was happening. Something I couldn't control. There was a type of safety and protection in those pathways, but it's my default setting now.
This T explains everything, so I can process it, and leads me out. Distance was part of the answer, not THE answer.
I hope you're having a good week, Tupp. Remember... push on a doorjamp, hard hard HARD when you're feeling like climbing the walls. Download Kardia, if you haven't already, and see if it begins helping.
I know you have your own journey, but I feel I hope these tools can help a bit, if not a lot.
I try to do 5 minutes of Kardia breathing a day, which I haven't managed yet. That's the goal; )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Gosh, Lighter, this is exactly what happens to me; I'm fine until I get an email or a phone call or letter and the terror response shoots through me instantly, before I've read anything or picked the phone up. I'm trying to catch it before it shoots up now; I just find that when I'm in that heightened space it's almost impossible to talk myself back down out of it and any thought of breathing or yoga exercises or any kind of distraction just isn't there. I think that's the point where we can engage breathing, and go push on a wall... hard hard hard arse hard, and just stop trying to think our way out of that place, Tupp. DOING DOING DOING is what we're used to DOING, and honestly... I think of it this way. WOULD I STOP AND BREATH calmly IF zombies or a bear were chasing me? My brains isn't able to think it's way clear, and NO I can't just stop and breath when I feel chased, or in danger, and so these BIG physical DOINGS make sense, while the breathing sneeks in, and addresses the amygdala, and limbic system alarm bells from underneath... sort of unhooking them while we're focusing on PUSHING or COUNTING or WALKING BACKWARDS, IME.
I'm not great at it, but I have enough understanding of it to believe it's the way out. I'm also noticing more calm, and quicker recovery from shots of adrenaline. It's almost like being possessed by something (someone) else. So I'm trying really hard at the minute to get into good daily habits (sleep, yoga, meditation, food, avoiding stress) in the hope that will get my overall stress levels down and then I'm hoping that will make the jump when an email arrives less and then I can catch it before it escalates. There's no catching it..... it's too quick. That expection has plagued me for years. I feel better letting it go, just noticing the stress, and negative feelings, and paying attention.... then applying a new tool, and seeing how it goes. It always gets better. The T lead me in to a stressful feeling on Wednesday and I'll share that on another thread.
I think your yoga practice adds the physical element, which is so important, and still lacking for me.
If I had to pinpoint one time that started all of this it would be receiving the letter that told me they were taking child protection action against me. Son was four; I had no idea it was coming, there'd been no conversation, meeting, preliminary paperwork - I just received a letter telling me the date of the child protection conference and advising me to get a lawyer. Oh, Tupp. That would have shot adrenaline through anyone's feet and hands... how terrifying for you. To this day they still haven't been able to give me a reason for starting that action against me. Insult to injury that PDs can terrorize us, through the public agencies with zero proof.
We end up disproving negatives, over and over and over. I don't understand that, Tupp. How do they continue getting away with it? It's another layer of threat, anger, and damage, IME. And I can remember just feeling like something had slammed into my chest; I couldn't breathe, I felt sick to my stomach, my head swam, I just couldn't function. It's a absolute tribute to your indomitable spirit that you overcame that terrible threat, calmed yourself enough to function (not at all easy, IME) and did what you needed to do to save your son, and self, IME.
We were living in one room at the time, sharing a bed, he was playing on the floor with his trains. I had no money, things were already bad with my mum (although I didn't know at that time that she was the one who'd done all of this) and do you know what, nothing's really been the same since. Pinpointing an important moment like that is striking, Tupp. To feel that, again, is just like BEING there. The brain can't tell the difference between being there and thinking about it. Same with dreams. Everything's real in our minds. And that reaction is exactly what I get now, just seeing an email or an unknown number come up on my phone, and in seconds I'm in a court situation where I'm fighting to keep him and it just snowballs. Our sympathetic nervous systems have had to rise, and save us from crisis. Those pathways fired together, had to, and then wired together. Now they're our default settings, and we have to sneak in, engage our parasympathetic nervous systems, and build new default pathways, Tupp. The parasympathetic nervous system calms the amygdala//limbic system, and restores access to higher thinking/problem solving/creativity, and that's helpful in every way, IME. So I understand exactly what you mean about the world being on fire and being ready to respond to a crisis. I think it's because it's our kids, the fight for them is different to other things, I think, because most of the time you can get another job or house or partner, but your kids? And keeping them safe from those other people who are so smooth and so manipulative and who can throw money at fancy lawyers while we have to sit up till the small hours reading up on family law on the internet - bleurgh. YES YES YES, Tupp! Going against he system, the wealthy family members bent on destroying you AND your child.... it's completely different to be under fire WITH children, IME. There should be LAWS, and are laws, but no one can enforce them.
No one can hold people liable for lying under oath, bringing frivolous charges, or abusing power.... we're just too shattered from surviving the initial assaults, over and over, to do anything more, nad I think the hope the assaults will end kicks in like a drug..... it's all we can do to dream of running away screaming from the systems, and fights, and little people in positions of authority, run away screaming like our hair's on fire. Just to get away would be amazing, and a struggle this long just bashes our adrenals, and is super destructive physically as well as to our hormones, and how our brains wire. It's not surprising we've ended up in that constant heightened state. I am really glad the T is helping; she sounds great and I will look up that Kardia thing you've mentioned to see if it helps. Kardia.... the T explained it this way. It takes 7 miles to turn a huge ship'round, and that's how it is with training our brains to calm down, and form new defaults. Doing it, over and over, trains our brains, and once we begin, it's a permanent change we build on. The brain can make change in a second. It's exciting to know we don't have to wait forever. That change can happen quickly, in fact youngest dd's neurofeedback has brought exciting changes for her! I'll share percentages on a new thread, but her doctor is astonished, and so pleased! DD feels the difference, has more energy, and is so happy she's putting this time in. Neuro plasticity is our friend, Tupp. We're going to feel better and better, I know we are.
Keep on keeping on, Lighter! It's time for calm, and safety, and moss making! Oh, tupp... I've been rolling around in the moss in my underwear, in dappled sunlight. Yesterday I was naked, and it's something I look forward to! This is new, bc that would have seemed a chore this time last year. Absolutely not something I could have done consistently. Things are getting better, Tupp. : ) Lighter Lol xx
--- End quote ---
lighter:
Wednesday's T appointment was about THINKING about an upsetting situation. I guess it had to come, and it did.
I felt it in my throat, which is about the throat chakra.... having no voice, being stifled, and I felt as thought I couldn't breath.
T had me think about a part part of my body that was neutral, or feeling good, and that was my hands. I shifted my focus to my hands, and thought about them with some intention. They began tingling, and one finger actually hurt with a pins and needles shock at the tip.... and I breathed into it, and stayed there for a while.
When we revisited the throat feeling, that had subsided a good deal.... almost gone. So, that was interesting as every visit is. There's so much information, and she goes over and over it, and takes me a bit farther every appt.
I sleep on a grounding mat, and make sure I walk in moss every day. I haven't figured out the physical part yet, but I'm feeling a bit stronger. The brain doc said all three of our vitamin D levels were low, and that's part of living under intense ongoing stress. It plays havoc with our hormones, which explains my low testosterone, and some of my physical changes.
I've been so careful with myself, after the shoulder injuries, and I feel ready to start back on the heavy bag. Oldest dd is working out with a trainer, and that trainer is interested in learning some martial arts. I might have a fit training partner soon, but will see.
Remembering to take 5 minutes out of the day, and do Kardia, isn't easy, but is the goal.
I'll start a new thread when I have the girl's paperwork from neurofeedback. That's exciting, and I want to share the actual numbers, and not the gist.
The journey continues: )
Lighter
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