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Mindfulness
lighter:
Another appointment with Therapist D. She's putting pieces together... familiar pieces... moved around, presented in different ways, at different times. She explains WHY things work, after she presents them, and she's so happy about the WHY. It worked for her, and she wants to share her freedom, her expanded interior space, her restoration of choice, and happiness.
It's a lovely way to SEE how to put radical acceptance, mindfulness, and somatic attention INTO practice for myself, when I need it most. When I need it most my limbic system is in charge, and denying access to higher brain thinking. Trying to think my way through seems logical, but it's impossible...
until...
I put my finger on my nose, breath into the bottom of the vase at the bottom of my diaphram, then fill
that
vase.
Slowly....
then release the air...
slowly, and tune into what I feel inside...
put my hand on it.....
name it, and search for the feeling under it.
Or not.
It's the breathing into it.... breathing space into that tightness....
providing expanding space around it....
paying attention to the space beside me, above me, below me, and occupying it.... bringing it inside.
And then I notice the tightness in my chest and abdomen eases up. The strangling feelings in my throat soften and receed. Space is around and in that area, and it's so
much
better.
I have to remember to put the stories on the shelf, and breath self compassion into that space. There's no room for stories here.... just being here.... being home.... now.
Today I practice what I want for my tomorrow.
If I want anxiety, and sadness, I practice those things today.
If I want relief, spaciousness, and a functional life....
I breath, pay attention to my inner world, embrace it all, good, bad and ugly, and name it.
Invite it in, which is familiar, and helpful in the past, but NOW I understand why, and where it's leading. It's the next step to overcoming the fight or flight shut down, spiral, static, chaos.... and shifting OUT of it.
Understandig the shift. Understanding things will get better, and I have control over it is really helpful.
Understanding lasting change can happen in between 1 to 2 months... helps.
I don't have to start over again and again and again. I can build on what I've got, and wire new pathways forever. They'll be mine, and it's like a rock's been moved from a tiny stream. The trickle CAN get through, but I can't let the rock roll back into it's comfortable place.
The PAT..... again.... Postive Affect Tolerance. There's a default setting of vigilance, and anxiety that has to be identified, embraced, and soothed, until I replace it.... until I can cultivate default settings I'm happy with.
Maybe some stories are true, and that's the case for me. I'm not in a war zone, but I'll be dealing with sabotage, and legal heinous fuvckery for many years to come, as will my children, and then there's the misogyny, and people in positions of power preying on those with no power.
And I hear about it when I turn on the tv, or radio. I react, when I want to respond. I'll be more capable IF I can calm the chaos, put down the story, and deal with what's in front of me right now.
That might not make sense, but it makes sense to me right now: )
Lighter
Hopalong:
((((Lighter))))
You are working so consciously and so consistently.
I can only imagine the reward and the relief is going to wind up deep and lasting.
You can be proud that you have applied all your intelligence and work ethic to healing yourself.
It's happy to hear this happen for you!
I want to thank you for that detailed description of deep or meditative breathing. It really helped me; I "saw" it instantly. How come nobody else ever taught me about the tummy vase???
One tiny thing that I beg forgiveness for in advance but don't think you'll mind. I just keep tripping over it so thought I'd tell you (my inner anal editor bossypants grammarian persona pops up sometimes, but feel free to swat her as she deserves!).
breath = the noun. for the air that goes in and out of you
breathe = the verb. for the action of breathing
I breathe, I breathed (present and past tense verb)
I felt my breath. I took a deep breath. (the noun, an object)
There. And it would be very nice if Hops spent more time on a breathing practice and less on spell-checking! LOL.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
LOL! I don't know why that's so funny, but the grammar correction ( much appreciated btw) made me laugh!
Ok....thanks for the lesson: )
BTW I'm working on paperwork, and feeling ok about it. I'm surprised things are going this well.
I find myself breathing deeply out of habit lately. I notice when things tighten up and I stop breathing.
Breathing space into and around the tightness....picturing it as cotton....helps.
I'm not sure I'm ready to change my belief systems around this stress entirely....yet. I notice resistance, and voice it with T. I know I have to address that, and make peace with letting go of unresolved important unfair things, bc the cost of carrying it is too great.
I think this ties in with third party bystanders doing nothing. I don't want to BE that. THAT is worse than the predators in some ways, in my mind and experience.
T said changing will make positive response more likely, and that's something I can GWT behind, and make peace with.
Lighter
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---make peace with letting go of unresolved important unfair things, bc the cost of carrying it is too great
--- End quote ---
I am so getting this. It's huge. It's a damn life goal. I get it.
Right now, in minor setting, I'm struggling with the same thing. Feeling disregarded and unappreciated at a church I've loved (and had many leadership roles in) for many years. "Old" members are stereotyped and disregarded in ways that look a lot like the national political atmosphere. Toxic minister finally resigned but his legacy is tribalism, division and toxic rants on social media. Not the place I once felt both safe and welcome in. I'm backing off for a while, hardly need the stress.
The good news is, I just connected with a mosquito and splatted that sucker! (I don't even remember a successful mosquito execution in many years. So I ain't lost my mojo.)
:)
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on July 10, 2019, 02:50:06 PM ---Another appointment with Therapist D. She's putting pieces together... familiar pieces... moved around, presented in different ways, at different times. She explains WHY things work, after she presents them, and she's so happy about the WHY. It worked for her, and she wants to share her freedom, her expanded interior space, her restoration of choice, and happiness.
It's a lovely way to SEE how to put radical acceptance, mindfulness, and somatic attention INTO practice for myself, when I need it most. When I need it most my limbic system is in charge, and denying access to higher brain thinking. Trying to think my way through seems logical, but it's impossible...
until...
I put my finger on my nose, breath into the bottom of the vase at the bottom of my diaphram, then fill
that
vase.
Slowly....
then release the air...
slowly, and tune into what I feel inside...
put my hand on it.....
name it, and search for the feeling under it.
Or not.
It's the breathing into it.... breathing space into that tightness....
providing expanding space around it....
paying attention to the space beside me, above me, below me, and occupying it.... bringing it inside.
And then I notice the tightness in my chest and abdomen eases up. The strangling feelings in my throat soften and receed. Space is around and in that area, and it's so
much
better.
I have to remember to put the stories on the shelf, and breath self compassion into that space. There's no room for stories here.... just being here.... being home.... now.
Today I practice what I want for my tomorrow.
If I want anxiety, and sadness, I practice those things today.
If I want relief, spaciousness, and a functional life....
I breath, pay attention to my inner world, embrace it all, good, bad and ugly, and name it.
Invite it in, which is familiar, and helpful in the past, but NOW I understand why, and where it's leading. It's the next step to overcoming the fight or flight shut down, spiral, static, chaos.... and shifting OUT of it.
Understandig the shift. Understanding things will get better, and I have control over it is really helpful.
Understanding lasting change can happen in between 1 to 2 months... helps.
I don't have to start over again and again and again. I can build on what I've got, and wire new pathways forever. They'll be mine, and it's like a rock's been moved from a tiny stream. The trickle CAN get through, but I can't let the rock roll back into it's comfortable place.
The PAT..... again.... Postive Affect Tolerance. There's a default setting of vigilance, and anxiety that has to be identified, embraced, and soothed, until I replace it.... until I can cultivate default settings I'm happy with.
Maybe some stories are true, and that's the case for me. I'm not in a war zone, but I'll be dealing with sabotage, and legal heinous fuvckery for many years to come, as will my children, and then there's the misogyny, and people in positions of power preying on those with no power.
And I hear about it when I turn on the tv, or radio. I react, when I want to respond. I'll be more capable IF I can calm the chaos, put down the story, and deal with what's in front of me right now.
That might not make sense, but it makes sense to me right now: )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
(((((((((Lighter))))))))))))))) It's like being parented again, don't you think? It's interesting to me that we need to be parented in different ways at different times in our lives. This kind of therapy seems/feels to me like someone re-parenting you by teaching you how to reset your pathways back to neutral - kind of like re-setting the computer to factory settings once it's got in such a muddle no-one can untangle the pieces anymore and work out what to do. Wipe, and start again. I'm so glad she's working with you like this; I think having a practical skill to use in a (hypothetical?) situation is so useful. And I only put hypothetical in brackets because by that I mean that we are often in a state of fear even though the bare bones of the situation in front of us doesn't warrant it. But you're right, it lights up those old fires and we go into fight or flight straight away. And we can't flee, because we've got our kids to look after, and the dinner needs cooking, and there is moss to attend to! Lol. And we can't really fight either, because there isn't actually anything there to fight. And so where does all that fear and emotion go? I'm so glad you've got someone there that is teaching you to manage it, and also validating it. I understand when people say, "the fear isn't real, there's nothing there to be afraid of". I get that, and my logical mind gets that, but the deeper part inside of me doesn't hear that at all. It's irrelevant to that bit, and that's the bit that's in charge in those situations, in my experience. So to have someone who understands that and is able to teach you a way to silently calm the part that's frightened - wow. Excellent parenting all round! Lol. I'm really glad she's doing this with you, and is this the person that happens to be very close by or was that a different doctor? I have got myself a bit confused and muddled some threads in my mind, I think.
Postive Affect Tolerance. Yep, I can get that. Feeling comfortable, secure, warm, looked after - doesn't feel normal. So odd that we get to a point where being uncomfortable is our default setting and not feeling that way feels wrong. I was talking to someone a little while ago who finally got some relief from a very painful problem she'd been dealing with. She said she actually got a bit low afterwards, because she'd got so used to being in pain and dealing with that that suddenly not having the pain left her a bit adrift and all these emotions came out that she hadn't realised where in there, because the focus on her pain had blocked everything else. We have to survive, don't we, whichever way we can, and sometimes cleaning up the mess afterwards is as much work as the original problem was. I'm really glad you have this person in your life now to help you with it and I am looking forward to reading the next update :) xx xx
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