Meandering

[Hopalong]

Breaaaaaaaaaaaaaathe, G.
Please call someone to confirm whether or not showing up at the orientation tomorrow counts for or against you somehow.

Hate to say it, but even if they made a mistake it might be better to turn up.

You ARE finding your way.
You ARE doing what's needed.
You ARE going to find training that will help you.

And best of all...
You ARE NOT going to spend your life in a call center!

Please push walls, breathe, drink chamomile, sing, hum, draw, do whatever it takes to reconnect yourself. You are part of this human community. You are going through a tough time and some anxiety like millions of people do.

There is nothing wrong with you. It's just hard.

You can do difficult.

Difficult gets you to calm and peace.

Don't sabotage yourself. Be on your own side. Be your own calming friend.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

G - higher ed is my home turf.

I think, if you approach this with the attitude that you are the customer - and that your tuition dollars CAN go elsewhere, if you're not treated respectfully, as an adult, and that you don't need to be unduly confused by "campus speak"... you'll start to get results you want. It pays to be a tad bit assertive with a lot of the admin types - especially those "advising".

My experience is they'll bombard you with "possibilities" - but they have absolutely no concrete idea about how to make possibilities a reality. There's a reason those of us who USED to be in HEd consider it to be a racket. That said, you really can figure out the real info from the fluffy BS; the sales pitches.

AND get what you want.

First, find out exactly which credits will transfer. Then, find out which of the interesting or available programs will accept those credits. See how long each one keeps you a student, instead of a job seeker. ASK about potential job opportunities WHILE a student, too. I dealt primarily with adult students; you can ask me anything or run it past me. Most adults don't need or want the little self-esteem pep talks some of these people use to manipulate potential tuition dollars. And trust me, at the end of the day - that's all you are to them. (Cynical, I know. But I saw it all the time.)

It is possible to use their racket to further yourself and your goals; we just have to get you into a seat somewhere... in some program... while you start to familiarize yourself with this strange world. I'll help anyway you need me to. You can EASILY transfer to another program or school after you have a semester under your belt. This one school isn't your only option. But I think you need to just get enrolled for a single semester; 3 classes MAX. There are lots of things that have changed about school. But I think you'll find it easy, once you have a grasp of the admin vocabulary (jargon abounds) and start to see first-hand how it works these days.

[Meh]

The picnic turned out better than expected, everybody was happy to get out of the house and see each other. my fear of people being cranky for lack of food didn't happen someone even brought a plastic tablecloth. Breaks from the rut. The orientation made it sound like our training options might be more open than I expected. Still there are a lot of hoops. Will write more when on my computer.

 Thank u Skep & Hops 

Tired. Another day tomorrow of advising at a school.

What is strange is that during this class today they were throwing out the names of university higher level schools not just community colleges. I'm cautious but it was interesting.

Again I need to have a plan. What if in the end the HARD part is ME figuring out WHAT to do.

DO I pick something close by. Do I move. It's hard to think about moving right now, I don't want to add that stress on me.

Truth I don't know what I want to do anymore. Maybe there are lots of right choices. It's not like there is only one right path.

[sKePTiKal]

G - I think it's less about finding the "right" choice from the get-go, and more about exploration and discovery. Trying things on for fit, size, and how it looks and feels on you. Experimenting. There is no harm done, by trying something and deciding later on you detest it. Educational environments are pretty forgiving that way and I think are designed to minimize what we generally categorize as "failure". An academic or skills path is going to have a lot of intersections and forks in the road. You can't possibly KNOW ahead of time, which one is going to call you, tempting you to try something you hadn't considered where you sit right now. You don't know, what you don't know.

Fortunately, higher ed - in all it's flavors - is flexible enough to adapt to the path you choose AS YOU GET TO THOSE decisions. No one, in reality, that I know of, has laid out a plan or route from the beginning to end and followed it religiously without feeling trapped at the end.

That might be a little scary or stressful, so I suggest you only plan one or two semesters out at a time. That gives you time to acclimate to the environment, how it works, and learn about all those options - at your own speed. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for a task that's so overwhelming and impossible, it may seem easier to just not bother with it. Even when your brain knows that adding skills and knowledge will help you in a practical fashion and might even be fun.

OH... and when you do change your mind, that's why there's an add/drop period for classes. It's usually only a couple weeks though, so pay attention to the academic calendar. It's completely up to you what decisions you make about your path and which things to pursue. Yes, certificate and degree programs have a set of requirements; a basic knowledge and skillset to get "certified" in. But you'll find, talking to program directors and department heads... that there IS flexibility in that list of courses, to a relative degree. Electives, minor areas of study, all of that allows you to customize the learning path for yourself.

[Meh]

Skep, with this Federal program they would pay tuition fees but they don't allow any changes of major/ training plan. I would have to pick something and finish it unless. Exploring would be fun but they won't pay for it. But you're right with class choices there might be some room for customizing it. I want to get through the program and I've been out of school for a long time so I definitely want to pick something that's going to be challenging but not impossible.

COFFEE!! Having some coffee.

LOL it looks like I could get an on-line degree in psychology. I used to work in research but I sorta left that behind. Hum. I better take a shower and get going.

Tired, wanna go back to sleep.   Holy cowlick I am so very very glad I got glasses even though I doubted I would use them.When my eyesight is starting to go blurry at night they actually do work.

[Hopalong]

SO proud of you, Miz G!

And do these education funds include living expenses?

This ain't liberal arts, hopping from flower to flower. You are at an excellent point to retrain for a practical but interesting career. Is there anything in health care that appeals? If direct patient contact isn't exciting, maybe radiologic technician, or x-ray tech, ultrasound, etc. There are a lot of such jobs.

I may be waaaay off. You'll find out for yourself what types of things can attract your interest. Not necessarily your whole-self interest, but interest as in my brain isn't atrophying, I'm actually contributing something useful to people's lives, and I'm in a stimulating environment where I'll learn a lot not just from technology but also from people. Dunno why, but I can envision it. They need intelligence and competence, not politician charm.

And I'm not surprised they're starting to talk to you about 4-year colleges also. You are highly intelligent and it shows.

Keep that chin up in the air, keep on breathing in calm, and keep allowing for the possibility of not-perfect-but-good things (and good people) happening!

Hugs
Hops

[Meh]

* My mind is overactive

* deleting the blah blah

* I sound manic to msyelf - I'm really not I'm just freaking out.

* This program is going to assign me a case manager and that worries me, maybe it shouldn't.

* The case managers are there to help? not confuse me or make it more complicated. I feel like I can't let them know how undecided I am. Maybe they will just see it as part of the process.

* It seems like I have more options than I know what to do with. BUT many programs also require pre-reqs that I might not have. Maybe if I wanted to do something bad enough I still might be able to justify some pre-reqs and get other funding for whatever is left over.

* Maybe I am blowing this up out of proportion, I wonder if my old university acceptance letters are useful as far as documentation goes. They aren't valid now but it does indicate I passed all the placement tests etc.

* Lots of people do this AND lots of people aren't able to. So I'm super freaking lucky at the moment.

[Meh]

@ Hops the training plan once it is approved also extends my unemployment. The plan allows us to receive benefits and get full-time training. As long as my unemployment kicks in I should be able to pay rent and food and it's all legit.

[Meh]

I'm just going to be obsessive compulsive for a while there's going to be some point in this eventually. The truth is I just want the education. I felt bad about quitting school. so all that's going through my head right now is oh my God I can go back to school I can go back.... honestly I'm not really even thinking about what kind of job I can get out of the education my mind is just not even there right now. that's exactly what the employment office is going to want to hear what kind of job is going to come out of this. Career. I just need to get all this crazy crap out of my head I'm sorry but I'm doing it right here. I can't talk to them like this I can't just tell them a stream of consciousness they will think I'm insane or maybe they won't, even they seemed to realize this is a BIG thing to take in. Hopefully over this weekend I can just kind of regroup myself and calm the F down.

Deleting some posts here that are rambling gibberish.

The education topic I get emotional about. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself about school. Pressure and then I didn't complete it.

* I'm breathing and listening to music and telling myself to be optimistic that somehow this puzzle WILL fit together.

* It's okay to get emotional/cry, I will just do that and let it go. It doesn't mean I can't do this. It's just emotionally charged for me personally. So I can have some kind of emotional breakdown every day it doesn't mean I'm mentally incompetent. I'm not in control of everything.

* I don't have to figure this all out in one day. I do have to move fast.

* This is going to be a series of ACTION steps. My next step is turning in more forms.

* I just wish one of my appointments could happen sooner.

* It doesn't matter what I do or what I do with it. I only have to present it as a stable in-demand career.

* I deserve this as much as anybody else.

* I can ask the case managers all the questions I want to.

** Oh my gosh I just remembered I have a few more credits from a different community college school I went to. I have to put that on my list of things to do. I will just call them see if they can auth release of info over phone. I don't remember my student ID.

I just read the pre reqs for the psy degree and I think I have them all, not sure if this really is the most useful degree.

* Does it need to be practical or is self-enrichment good enough. SIGH

* I might be like 2 or three classes away from entrance requirement to a Health Studies BA part of the school of nursing but not nursing. Probably not worth it for the pay off. But it's interesting and seems like there are a lot of electives.

I really didn't think it would be possible for me to ever afford school so I didn't bother to even think about it too much.

There are BAs in community college that have more pre-reqs than University level BAs. It's kinda weird. Even within one university different campuses seem to have different intensity levels as far as getting in.

It's sort of hard for me to answer like what is a degree going to do for me at this stage in life. Besides get me out of a mental rut.

more stars

* How important is prestige really. Schools have their ranking and I am close to one of the very highest ranked in my state but do I really want to go there. Should I make an advising appointment in general or am I wasting their time. I could still go even though I'm clueless. YES I will make an advising appointment there as well. WTF WHY NOT in bold so I don't forget
-- My proximity sort of justifies it as a LEGIT choice and therefore justifies the expense possibly.

Spelling and punctuation are not my thing and still somehow I've always done well in English courses there is a full online BA degree for English. I think I could get into this pretty easy and my current credits would transfer.
 
So far these might be options.
BA English Online and claim I want to be a technical writer if I can prove technical writing is in demand. I don't even know.
BA Health Studies In person for who knows what. Research program coordinator.
BA Psychology Online/In person for who knows what job would justify it.
I might be able to do a Marketing degree and justify it.
Any serious sciences are out of the question, I don't have the math brain sadly. 

In person cements a person down to a place, online is more flexible. I could live in the freaking countryside.

What if I'm just getting too dang excited. What if I am overestimating my abilities. Is it just a credential. It's hard to know how things will turn out...... and it's just past midnight and I am wearing down.

AND it's now past 2 AM. The math requirements could screw me up. Math is not my thing.
It's so weird the way some classes can be moved around to fill different area requirements. Tired. The closer I look at it I don't understand why the adviser told me I need classes that are not on the transfer sheet requirements. bonk bonk bonk

Having a moment of upset about deadlines, missing classes and simply not understanding it yet. It's not fun at the moment.

[Twoapenny]

G, I'm very behind on your thread and haven't caught up on it all yet.  But wanted to say that it sounds great that you have some further education opportunities in front of you (albeit that there are choices to be made and it's hard knowing which way to go sometimes!  I get that a lot).  But I hope you're able to pick your way through it and that it all settles a bit.

For what it's worth, I went back into education on a whim.  I was in town one afternoon, shopping, and the local college were having an open day for mature students.  I wandered in for a look and came out signed up to three classes.  A year later I was walking in to a University for the first time.  To this day it was the happiest period of my life and I look back on my studying there with real fondness and longing.  The biggest thrill for me was the people - such a wide range of people, from so many different backgrounds, but such a diverse environment that you didn't have to spend time with anyone in particular (unlike work, where if you get stuck sitting next to Mrs Annie Moan A Lot there's no way out).  It was an amazing experience for me and I really hope this is an opportunity for you that comes to fruition without causing too much more stress along the way   Will catch up on the thread properly over the next couple of days xx xx

[Meh]

Two,

Even I am behind on my thread. I don't really expect anybody to read all of it. It's painful for me to re-read it. I appreciate the sentiment though. Yah, I've been wondering to myself if I were to do an on-line class it would save me time but would I miss out on the social aspect. There is real value in community. Some schools have a community vibe and some don't. Sometimes it even depends on the class itself.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, I've been reading it all. Even when I don't have anything to contribute.

This is pretty NORMAL, G. What you're going through at this stage of the process. PITA, I know, but I think everyone goes through this to some degree. You are spot-on that some of what you're feeling is excitement, I think. Your imagination is taking that energy and running with it through a lot of scenarios. That's something I normally do; but I ain't claiming to be normal in the clinical sense.

So, let's lighten this up a bit. Have a few laughs over it. The thing about education is that it isn't a life/death situation. My experience of being in school, as an adult, taught me that. It was absolutely one of the most magic and valuable things about it for me. Even if I failed a class (and I'd have to work really hard to do that; even in chemistry I ended up with a B) - NO BIG DEAL. I wouldn't be kicked out, or disgraced, or shamed or anything like that. It was like being in a total no-fail world where real risks didn't exist. For me, I need those 4 years of that environment. The cocoon. I even missed a few tests and had to make them up -- cocoon.

There is a TON of support in that environment and it makes it easy, for those who have already made it over real-life hurdles, to make the most of the opportunity. You know how to do that; you just don't know you do yet. It's an excellent way to drop out of real life for a bit, to a degree, and regroup your self, while furthering your occupational options. All you need to do, to access help there - is ask for it. Even if you skip over something on a form or put down info that isn't what they were looking for - you'll get a chance to fix it. The school isn't trying to keep you OUT, they're trying to make you salivate about wanting in, to set the hook so to speak. Yeah, they have their bean counters... and it's just flat out stupid some of the information they ask for. But ask it they do. The answers don't matter so much (you aren't being graded) and I think they realize that how you'd answer their silly questions can and does frequently change. I remember one student who legally changed their name, and it caused holy hell in the data system because the admin person he requested the change from, didn't update it in the right place in the database... so it turned into my job to backtrack through all the various tables and different web applications make the corrections.

Remember - just because you don't KNOW that environment right now - doesn't mean it's going to be impossible to deal with. So you can BE excited; start picking out book bags... LOL. Keep jumping through the paperwork hoops and deadlines and such. And pretty soon, you'll have the first day of school to look forward to. Save worrying about the OUTCOME of the process, when you're close to graduating. (And just tell the bean counters, what you HOPE will happen. Chances are it will. But you don't have a crystal ball to be able predict the future and it's counterproductive to tell them that. Ask how I know.)

[Twoapenny]

Two,

Even I am behind on my thread. I don't really expect anybody to read all of it. It's painful for me to re-read it. I appreciate the sentiment though. Yah, I've been wondering to myself if I were to do an on-line class it would save me time but would I miss out on the social aspect. There is real value in community. Some schools have a community vibe and some don't. Sometimes it even depends on the class itself.

Yes, the community aspect for me was the really important bit; I think I'd have gone a bit mad sitting home alone studying online.  I loved the whole atmosphere and for me it was a chance to move away and that was exciting - new places, city, people and so on - made easy because there was support for students to find cheap accommodation (I don't know if that would factor in to your choices at some point).  I think also the contacts you make can be really helpful with finding work afterwards - a lot of things are based on networks of people and personal recommendations go a long way.  Personally I get more out of something face to face than I do online, not least because you can chew over things you don't understand with fellow students and get other perspectives, which can be helpful. xx

[Hopalong]

(((((G)))))

In my own super-opinionated way, I totally strongly believe you should not do college online, alone in your apartment.

I think you will find there will be adjustments and some moments of discomfort in relating to others in a new environment. And I think going through that, breathing all the while, will benefit you more than you can imagine.

The other thing you'll discover is other adult students who've been through equally deep trials and survived, and there they are too, choosing hope.

You are YOU, not an outcast, a hermit, or a reject.

Hugs
Hops

[Meh]

Skep with this program if I were to fail any class then my funding would be taken away. BUT I'm not going to think about that too much right now. It just makes the point of being realistic about my abilities or lack of.

Yes HOPS I know what you mean, doing classes online in Apt alone. I do get that I really do.

It might be harder to get into the local Uni than I thought, the online program might be much easier to get into for me.

IF I do on-line classes I can physically relocate if I want to, the rent here really is high and with a fixed income and no health insurance it's very possible I could find a more budget friendly option. If I can't stand myself anymore I can volunteer or something. It really is SO much to think about. I HATE commuting. I take the bus and it stinks literally, it involves waiting outside and during the Fall and Winter sometimes that means being soaking wet. I might be commuting 3 hours a day for 3 hours of class a day. Some of this is not predictable. If I did end up relocating maybe it would be somewhere out of the city and more conducive to community, maybe I would go to church. I don't know I can't really decide based solely on these details. It's City commuting I think we've been rated as one of the worst cities to commute in for traffic.

LOTS and LOTS to consider. But for today I think I need to buy a zip drive to go scan and save all my docs to. I don't even have that.

ALSO!  If I start an online program and I I can't stand it online after a while I can move closer to that school and take the same classes on campus. If I start out taking a campus only course i wouldn't be able to transition to online.

Plus if there was something else I wanted to do in my personal life an on-line class would allow me to manage my own time.

Lectures are engaging sometimes. There is an element of distraction in classes also depending on how mature or not mature the students are. It's hard to think about but even at college level some adults are very disruptive. Some online courses have like cap-stone projects that are virtual group projects but maybe some don't have this requirement I'm not sure.

But yeah there is a human element I just have to weigh and balance the pros and cons. In the end it might NOT be my decision. I have to present multiple schools with the same program for comparison.

Around midnight I remembered I took a couple night classes after work at a different school. SO I just got a freaking form to download fill out, save, send back so that I could get that student ID so that I can log in and download a transcript.

It's amazing how little organization REAL LIFE requires. LOL

There is already an avalanche of papers on my sofa. I'm gonna clean up for a few mins.

sounds silly maybe but it dawns on me that at different stages or time in life there are these identity things I really believe I am, when I was younger it was "student" "artist".... now it's like "old" "tired" "worker".... It's a mindferk to go back to "student". It's interesting to think about identity and how important it seems to be it's kind of an emotional cord.

* Got one of my transcripts downloaded this AM.

* Signed up for a career workshop, why not. Maybe I can get more than one thing done on campus.

* Emailed request for follow up appt with Adviser about my transfer credit plan same day as career workshop

* Emailed the case managers asked them to clarify deadlines. Luckily or unluckily they don't seem to act too fast.

-- I've got questions I need to email to someone else about the math requirements

reconnected with a coworker I haven't talked to in months who is also trying to scramble for school
The novelty of the idea is wearing off already and I have a major headache. I've asked if there's any way my first quarter could be funded separately so that I don't have to declare the training plan immediately well I'm just trying to finish up my last classes of the Associates. I don't think they're going to go for it but someone told me that the actual federal funds takes months to kick in. So it's a different pot of money that funds the start-up of this anyways. Regardless I'm going to have to do the exact same class is initially but I won't know if I'm accepted into a more competitive program until I finish those classes and apply for admission to ba. Sounds very reasonable to me, could be out of the realm of realistic. Not sure I have the energy for this.