I've seen the social worker this afternoon. Lots going on in my head at the minute and I am trying to 'do a Lighter' and just observe
But I wanted to talk through it here and I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you all have
Appointment has been booked since last week. Have spent the last few days feeling awful - agitated, tired, stressed. It's quite subtle and underlying rather than raging through me. Have taken my supplements, CBD stuff, done a bit of yoga, read my book, tried to rest and have feet up which has probably all helped but didn't take it away completely. Was thinking it was to do with pre menstrual stuff as well but most of it has gone since leaving the social worker's office so I think it is more a PTSD type thing (not self diagnosing with that but more trying to make the point that it seems to be a physical reaction to an old trauma that's triggered by a new event, even when the event itself isn't likely to be traumatic).
Not really sure how much else I can do about that. I stopped seeing the previous counsellor because I didn't feel she understood son's disability or the demands of providing such constant care and the cost was crippling me as well (if I felt she'd really got it I'd have tried to find a way through but it didn't feel like it was worth spending the money). I have got my name on a waiting list for local counselling through a charity which is cheaper but obviously there is a long waiting list and with son out of college through July and August it will be September before I can see anyone so still a way to go. Although saying that hopefully this is the last time I'll have to see anyone from SS until November so perhaps it won't be an issue again until then anyway. Waffle waffle.
I find it hard to be friendly and welcoming to them and I'm trying not to force it. I've been polite but I feel that the social worker hasn't been completely open with me about the situation. It has transpired the bulk of the weekly payment is to pay for a carer. I had already explained, more than once, that care really needs to be provided at home but this is not what they do; the government has decided that children must be cared for away from their families, even if that makes them ill. So we can't access what they've agreed funding for. They have agreed to pay for some activities for him over the summer, which is a help, but it isn't a fortune and they will only pay the activity cost itself - there's no help with fuel, parking, or equipment hire, for example, which I will struggle to pay for so that will restrict the activities we do, as will the fact he gets tired easily so activities tend to need to be quieter (which they won't be so much over the summer as everyone's out and everywhere gets busy). So I'm back in my usual situation of (a) feeling like no-one gets it, no-one has listened and no-one has been clear with me about what they're doing and (b) feeling very frustrated that there's a pot of money sitting there that would really help son with at home activities and at home carers but we can't access it.
I don't think there's anything practically I can do about this now; my focus is on the adult services assessment and switch over which is the next thing and I think it best to focus on that rather than worrying about this. I'm not meaning to sound ungrateful either; I am grateful for the help but frustrated that there's more money available, but not for anything that would actually help us. So I am again feeling that I just can't work within this system without it making me sick, which I want to avoid.
And that's probably it! It felt like a lot more than that when I started writing lol, but the stress is going just because it's done now and I'm not thinking about it.
