Mindfulness and codependence thread

[Twoapenny]

I think this is the 'man harassing his neighbour' stage, Lighter, nothing to do with getting fit.  You've been clear that you don't want him around and he's still going out of his way to interact with you.  I think he gets a kick out of knowing he's doing something you don't want him to do.  I'd get that sign up, pronto.  The guy on the other side probably had similar problems (with people in general, not YG!).  Unfortunately I think some people just take advantage of someone else's thoughtfulness.  I wouldn't feel guilty about the nice families you don't mind using it; it's YGs fault, not yours xx

[sKePTiKal]

Just because he's decided he wants you - with or without divorcing his wife (is that even a real thing on the table?) - doesn't mean you don't get a say in the matter; nor agency to do as you like.

The trail is now beginning to be a general disruption to peace & quiet. And while some people are respectful and appreciative - it's still a problem. And gives YG justification to escalate into a feud and continue being a jackass.

Out here, the only people allowed access to the property are either invited - or the hunters do ask to come to look for animal sign or mushrooms. It's no longer only my decision - and Hol & S have a point that, those are OUR morels and it hasn't exactly been a good year for them. That feels like it's putting me in an uncomfortable position... but I can see everyone's point of view. So, maybe I'm not the sole decision maker?

YG seems to have an active fantasy life. I think I'd be tempted to introduce him to harsh reality in a way that would make him look elsewhere for the "object" of his fantasies. And not be overly worried how I'd be judged in my choice of revealing same. I don't give a rat's patootie if someone like that thinks I'm a B****. He has no idea how MUCH of one, I can be, under certain circumstances. He doesn't even deserve to know he's getting off easy.

[lighter]

YG finally sent an appropriate apology.  Listed the things he'd done wrong and promised never to do it again.

This arrived today, so it's taken him a while to figure this out, but he got it right.

DD18 thinks he's having a nervous breakdown.

I intend to close the trail and hope there's no legal problem doing so.  I guess I can park in front of the trail and put a sign on the truck.

Realtor phoned and came by the lake house yesterday.  She's the one who held her nose and low balled us 3 years ago.

This year she was polite, loved the lot and house and low balled us again, imo.  Basically she asked if we'd take what she thinks her tiny ranch on 3 acres is worth.  We have a big lodge home with 16 acres closer to the highway....she's way out there.  I went to see her home today....decorated lovely, but very small and smack in the middle of her land.  Hard to sell lots.

Doing her math, she's obviously representing buyers....not at all helpful, imo, to us.  I have to put it down NIW, bc it makes my head hurt. 

My gut says interview more seller's agents.

Selling the house on 4 acres, while keeping the rest is what my gut wants to do in this moment.

I plan to respond to YG's text after a while.

Bathroom renovation going so slow.  Tile started.  Conyractor working on sheetrock today, Lord he was breathing so hard, I had to go outside to keep from whatever came up for me.....saving him?  Helping him?  Made me super uncomfortable to worry about his health with no off switch.

I'm reducing my circle of concern.  Well, trying.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Yep; checking out other realtors sounds wise Lighter.

[lighter]

My sister suggested a "temporary closing" of the trail, for "maintenance."

That way I'm not triggering legal AND I'll document at least 1 shutdown, which is necessary to keep the rights private.

[lighter]

Oh, I'd rather crush my ankle than hire that realtor.  My sister thinks she wants to sell her place and steal ours.  Sounds about right since she offered us what she feels her 3 acres, with access issues, and tiny house is worth.

I have another name.  I'm done paying advocates to work against my interests.

Lighter

[lighter]

YG wants to know what kind if maintenance and how long shut down will last. 

I responded I'm not sure with all the travel.

I don't owe him anything.  Certainly not information or excuses for not giving him any....like....
"I have a lot on my plate right now." 

That's what came up and I caught it quick.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Lighter, I have visions of Road Runner and Wiley Coyote style traps along the trail to capture annoying people and entertain you while you enjoy peace and quiet   Lol.  Good to make it a 'just for now' - situation.  Just gives you breathing space and one less thing to deal with.

I know nothing about selling property but getting more than one person in sounds like a good plan to me.  I know over here that it's generally thought that anyone selling on behalf of another will focus on what's best for them, not the person actually selling, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's similar where you are xx

[lighter]

I have to phone new lake realtor and Florida realtor says he has clients interested in Island Cottage.  I just need to make contract official with him.

YG texted offer to help, again.  I'm planning to block trail with the big Yukon truck.  Maybe with a polite sign sending folks back the way they came.

Yup yup yup.

Lighter

[lighter]

This morning was bright, clear, breezy and perfectly crisp.  My def of crisp is a tad too cool breeze mixed with a tad too hot sun, mixing back and forth, one lovely feeling after another.  I spread out on the sunny side deck removing clothes as I warmed up.  Soaking up sun.  Watching birds overhead, gliding through a perfectly blue sky.

And I was happy. 

I was there, so I elevated my feet.  I focused on my breath and let passing thoughts come and go without judgment.

THIS is where I problem solve, in this gentle state if awareness.  Lots of things came up.  Many made sense for the first time and I saw why that was so.

The bathroom was warm from the heater.  I considered a cold shower then went for a walk in my jammies.....heartrate up for 20 minutes.  Up hills then to the mailbox and back.  I thought about problems vexing me for a while.....it comes down to acceptance, in these cases.  I can just let them go without feeling understood by others.  It's ok to turn away.....toward other things.  I wonder if these matters are settled, finally. If they come up, if I begin puzzling again, I'll know. My hope is the calm contemplation allowed processing and refilling in historic files.  Wouldn't that be something?

Lighter

[lighter]

ILighterI got my cool to icy shower.  Not a big fan of icy cold water, btw.  Not at all.

I do feel......really relaxed and lucky not to be battling bugs.

Solutions presented themselves regarding the trail.  I can open it on certain days for certain hours.  The walking trails are that way.  I know the guy in charge of that.  I can e mail his list of folks and restore serenity without a complete shutdown, or not.

Something else came into focus for me....I have 15 to 25 active years left.  I don't have a clear vision for what I'll do with them, but O want them to be mindful years.

So, barefoot and clean on the back porch swing, I'm gently holding that in my mind as I get on with my day.

I'm changing the bathroom shower floor tile AND the LVP for that bedroom and LR.

I have to think through the door trim where it meets the vanity, bc it does meet and overlap.

Dd18 has always been a wise soul......not very childlike, even when she was a toddler/ young child.  She has good instincts.

::nodding::.

And so do I.

The journey continues.

Lighter

[lighter]

I ran home to get the truck on Monday.  Had dinner with DD20 and a nice visit, but left supplements behind.  Missed 4x.  Not great first week with them.

I had the feeling it wasn't a great idea to leave dd18 for that long.  Not having someone there, to eat meals with, had her not eating again.  Old habits...anorexia squeezing her hard.  She knows it, understands it, but it feels like a vampire got to her in the night.  Something I can't get my hands on or fight.  Last night was super helpless feeling....we went into adorable little town and walked.  DD unable to eat in a restaurant.....lots of anxiety. 

Walk through grocery store like walking with zombie....DD looked almost ill.  Made soup when we got home late and watched Modern Family.  We were both exhausted.

DD lost 1/3 of her body weight and isn't strong.  Oldest DD is gaining weight....both have unhealthy relationships with food.

We see nutritionist today....she said will take 18 weeks to heal DD18's body.  I don't know how long it takes to heal the mind.....if it can be healed from eating disorders.  Is it recovery.....ongoing and ever present? 

I'm out if my depth here.

Lighter

[lighter]

Nutritionist said will be 18 months, not 18 weeks, to heal dd18's stomach.

Much longer for me, bc growth hormones.

There's some perspective.

DD18 super angry with me today, bc I don't require DD20 to pull her weight with housework.  Caring for our home isn't something Dd20 is consistent with. I patiently discuss it...,dd20 does a little then slips back into old habits.  It's a problem.

I have to set boundaries and consequences this weekend, while getting yard plan together, editing and deep cleaning fridge ....wanted to edit cliset, but that has to wait.
This is so stressful for me, but its not fair dd18 and I do everything, including washing Dd20's dog. Some days I do all the care.

We all deserve to live in a clean, neat home, but my aversion to conflict is alive and kicking the shite out of me.



Lighter

[Twoapenny]

(((((Lighter))))))))  I know I find when I start healthy eating (or any other kind of health thing I do) 'stuff' starts to come up.  I can only imagine that with three of you all working harder to eat better (and it is more work; so easy to grab a sandwich and a bag of crisps for lunch, much more work to plan and prepare something that ticks all the nutrition boxes and tastes good) that there will be things that take your attention.  I think living with adult kids has it's own challenges - it's now three grown ups sharing a home rather than mum allocating chores and sticking stars on a reward chart, you know?  It's hard to find the balance.  You'll find a way through that works for all of you xx

[lighter]

Thanks, ((Tupp.))

You're right about stuff coming up.

Light