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Farm Doin's - 2020

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lighter:
I hope it was some internal stress sending John around the bend and not something between Hol and S John knows about, heard, saw, or HOl talked about.

In any case, it's up to Hol to figure this out and solve it for herself. 

I'm glad everyone's enjoying some relief.  J needed to go before B arrives anyway.

Lighter

Hopalong:
Amber, I'm super glad you are very clear that it's YOUR decision who comes to the mountain, not Hol's. Sorry about that but that's the deal and she can take it or leave it to live there.

J sounds like the second emotionally unbalanced young man who's coasted into your space on Hol's coattails, and she doesn't seem healthy enough right now to choose the healthier friends over the exciting ones. Or the colorfully-toxic or interestingly-damaged ones. I can so relate to that...when I was younger I found NON-damaged people boring.

Not no more!

hugs
Hops

lighter:
Amber:

Will Hol have to run her guest lists by you when she's in the Holly Hut? 


Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Delicate topic Lighter. She will, probably do so - even when they're temporary guests just so I'm not surprised. The John situation wasn't one she invited or requested. And since she's taking the lead - and he is HER friend - it's her job to clarify. As far as I know, she's still not heard from him. So he's off doing his thing elsewhere for the time being. Hopefully, sorting his head out.

I worked on my herb garden today.... all by myself... doing my "thing"... sigh... I'm tired, a little sore, but it feels so good. I have boulders that will provide wind and temp protection for my prize lavender grossos. I wanted to play with rocks too... but stayed on task instead. The dirt's better than I thought it would be. I have pleurisy root and centaury plant coming up from seed too now... so the medicinals appear to like it here.

sKePTiKal:
OK, she had some communication with John and shared it.

He is moving forward or onward - but does have to drop off some of Hol's house stuff and pick up the rest of his next weekend. She plans to write him a long letter about her feelings and make it clear how his episodes impact other people - and how when he NOT having an episode that he's very welcome to crash here or work on his van... that he didn't exactly burn his bridges here. But explain that neither she or I are qualified to help him through those more difficult times.

He's not exactly someone who's at-risk; he is pretty skilled in a lot of areas and can pick up work quickly; smart; but his FOO trauma keeps coming up front & center for him - and a series of issues around it too - and I've even given him the nuts & bolts of the process (the toolkit) of my T hoping it would encourage him to seek out more for himself. But even during that conversation - he expressed his confusion and disbelief that he HAD a self to be able to sort out what was him - and what his experiences were. That's not something I can tackle or help with. The other thing I've noticed - and it's true for both him & Hol - is that they misunderstand the definitions/descriptions of some emotional/psych characteristics. Especially terms that have hit the the popular parlance.

So, I was the assertive and pedantic professor doing the emotional heavy-lifting of trying to teach in this situation, while making it abundantly clear that a) I didn't know what trauma he'd been through and b) mine was mine; it doesn't translate well to someone else's - despite the ability to see similarities in effect & affect. Hol is a decent assistant - but still too often gets engaged on a personal level. But I think she was the first to realize that J was headed in a direction beyond just people comparing notes and supporting each other through to the other side.

Only thing about his plan that worries me - and Hol will address this - is his plans to volunteer for crisis/disaster response. I very much sense that he is seeking to resolve his internal crisis by addressing external ones - or other people's - real or imagined. We know it's avoidance and resistance - but haven't been able to communicate that despite expressing it. You can lead a horse to water...

----------

Planting in my rocks yesterday was good for me. I'm still not ready to go back to the big garden yet - but I HAVE to get moving because my seedlings are coming on to transplant size. I bought enough tools for both Hol & Steve to help... since they'll be fed from the garden, they need to help it be successful. I wear out pretty quickly in the sun - it's not even the heat so much, just the effects of the sun. Yesterday was heavy overcast (like today), cool - and it even sprinkled while I was working.

So I'm going into the kitchen today to cook. It's back at it tomorrow.

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