Freddy and Stinker are getting acquainted; slowly. Each one has stood their ground and hissed, so far. Freddy likes to get comfy and just watch the youngen being silly. He is really putting on winter weight & coat already - because his night time bed spot isn't as attractive, even with the little one put to bed in the bathroom (so mom can unwind... enough to sleep).
It's strange to see a big old tom totally freaked out by a tiny, even for her age, kitten. LOLOLOL. But then, I remember how much mio-mio scared him, too. Eventually, he'll be called on to teach the little one the ropes of being outdoors... but maybe not till spring. She needs to be stronger & bigger first. She still wants the security/comfort of cuddles and tries to nurse still. Not hungry - just that comfort instinct - and I'm now her new kitty mommy. LOLOL. Buck has a kitten too; his D discovered it just before going to college - and his is doing the same thing.
My decision to stop sitting around like some fairytale lady in a tower waiting for her knight to arrive... and do what I know I need to do and want to do and can do... is helping me quite a bit. I don't have a lot of patience, for "future orientation" in my thinking... because the future is usually something I create myself. I'm rested; my mind is clear enough to manage even Hol's "issue of the day" without being steamrolled; and while it feels like there's more space/distance between Buck & I as a result... my tasks aren't going to wait around for him to show up and help. Hol has adopted better habits about her boundaries, too - because she has a home to run too. I was down there a couple times... but I am very comfy just being in my own space. So we're making "dates" to hang out together instead of just being in the same space all the time. I think we both like it - and she's beginning to become aware of how much she was depending on me for attention... and suggesting solutions to her "problems". Again. New part of the spiral, and I'm feeling quite good about it.
Buck is being stubborn about the things he needs to accomplish and how he wants to do that - for himself. Whether I like it or not; whether my patience is wearing thin or not. And he knows it's getting that way. The medical stuff also makes me upset and want to interfere and "help" -- but he's not terribly open to me helping. Some of it is not wanting to be dependent; some of it is just male ego and pride in being self-sufficient. Which I'm not at all about to deny him.
And I know somedays, he's simply in too much pain to do much of anything except be grumpy. That is just part of the reality with him.
He also overcompensates by withdrawing when something has frustrated him to the point of anger, too. And he really pulls away then. I have a feeling he's been around people who couldn't separate someone else's anger from feeling like it was being taken out them when he expressed it and reacting strongly to that. (That could just be me projecting but I don't think so. Too many unnecessary apologies.) He has NEVER yet once directed anger at me, even when I strongly objected to something he was planning to do or the way he planned to it. We negotiate that stuff; make a deal. So far, that's working well.
So, there is ebb & flow here. Communication could be better and more open right now... but I know he's trying to figure out what he CAN do within the circumstances he's dealing with right now. I've got stuff to do, and I don't need my phone ringing every 5 minutes with a text to feel "seen" by him. Or appreciated. I'm off thinking my own thoughts, still accepting that this may not actually happen - because life and his medical challenges, you know. And maybe we can resolve those better here; maybe we can't... and we both have to live with it the way it is. I remind myself often - that partners can die at ANY age; and it wastes a lot of time that we could instead spend on making "happy", to obsess on that fear.
