Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Friendship Moments: good or bad
lighter:
I'm glad the visit ended in a good note, Hops.
Hopalong:
Thanks.
I'm feeling pretty sobered by the things that came out, but trying to hold on to the good (I did react to her rant by stepping it up here).
I just can't emotionally afford to be super invested in a controlling relationship. With anyone. But we're fine, back to email for a year, and I'll let the new boundaries form within myself. Don't need to make any pronouncements about where we are or anything. I just don't think I'll be able to feel the same way, going forward.
I'm still bewildered why this similar scenario has happened with two friends in a year. Answers lie within. I'm going back to see the Sikh soon. Might just go once a month, but I know he'll be a steadying influence.
Yikers. This has all reminded me to go join with UU groups and get out more.
Once the heat wave passes. Going to be 98 this afternoon, ugh.
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
"I just can't emotionally afford to be super invested in a controlling relationship"
I think that might be the bit, Hopsie, because reading it, it sounds like you feel you need to somehow excuse/explain/be excused from being in that situation. That no-one should ever be in, once, for even a minute. I think the problem with other people's lives/situations/circumstances is that you can't interact with someone and not be affected by their stuff. I purposely keep away from women with man drama because I end up feeling like I'm in a relationship with that man, and I don't want him. I think there's a fine line between being supportive, and being a whipping boy, truthfully. I do agree that not making a big announcement about it all is the best way to go. Also glad this all happened near the end of the visit :) Would have been an even harder week had it happened at the start.
Good to get out more and see a proactive therapist :) Sorry about the heat. I'll swap you a few degrees, high sixties is maximum for us just now (and that's if you can get out of the wind!). Lol x
lighter:
Have you seen the Sikh yet, Hops?
Hopalong:
Thanks, Tupp. Poet and I are okay, we had a Zoom and I said some things a bit more directly. Told her that when she's frustrated about something, she can lash out, and so forth. Tripped over something political and when I mentioned I intended to watch the debate, she got a condescending smile and said oh yes, you're repeating the XX cable channel talking points, and that pissed me off. I expressed myself without heat and calmly, but by the end of our chat she actually reverted to child state "I love everyone, I don't mean to hurt anyone, I'm just little [Poet] in a corner..." and I felt sad for her and saw vividly how she feels inside, and where all the insecure overcompensation and knowitallitis has taken her. I didn't feel responsible for fixing it, though. She really did get frozen in childhood experiences of feeling abandoned and neglected, for good reasons. And I'm sad for her. She's full of sensitivity and resentment and sometimes I'm not prepared for the lashings to come out (she used to suppress anger around me but as we've known each other longer it's more likely to happen now and then). Anyhow. We're okay, I'm just a little disillusioned and more detached. It's probably better. She told me she wants to work on condescension and I said I need to work on not taking things personally.
I'm not upset about it any more. I've noticed I've been withdrawing from doing almost anything social lately. Don't feel like going anywhere. One loyal friend always asks me to go do long drives or seek out restaurants and I don't wanna. Just being a lump right now.
I have house news! Oh shit, prolly told y'all already. I have a gorgeous new black screen door. Elegant and works with the patio stuff and I'm really happy with it. Did it even though it cost a lot. I'd stared at that flocked, dented, ripped-screen aluminum door for 10 years and wanted to replace it so much. Finally took a bite and did.
hugs
Hops
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