Thank you for your warm welcomes, lighter, sKePTiKal, Hopalong, and Twoapenny! I am still struggling with figuring out how this message board works! My story is long and loud and I am happy to share. I look forward to getting to know you and others around this camp fire.
I will start with some basic info. I am 62 years old. I am the youngest of 4 and the only girl growing up. None of us escaped alcoholism. My Mother sobered up when I began my drinking career, about 8th grade. My father died from alcoholism when he was 62. Other than that, life was okay growing up and I always knew I was loved. I retired last July from a 37 year career in public service - my BS degree in Social Work - Yes. I was born to attract narcissists and alcoholics. :<)
What brought me to my knees in 1988, the year I sobered up - was losing the choice to be able to have children. Today we have 3 fur babies (dogs), all border collie mixed breeds - Tilly is 13, Zeke is 9, and Peanut is likely 3 or 4.
I have not had great success in my (romantic) relationships with men. I have enjoyed many long-lasting and beneficial friendships that have sustained me over the years. The pandemic + retirement + moving to a remote location in the woods in northern Wisconsin 6 years ago have taken their toll.
I am fiercely independent. The house is in my name. W and I have been together for 15 years. We got married at the courthouse in March 2020. W has been sober over 17 years, but he no longer goes to meetings. We both have had trauma in our lives, his much more severe than mine.
W was very charming initially. He is smart, funny, controlling, quick to be offended and become verbally abusive. He has a background in electrical/mechanical engineering and can fix almost anything. I was never afraid to live alone before, but with him I moved out of my comfort zone. We have invested all of our money and energy in our home in the woods. Last year we were terrorized by a neighbor who lives a block away. He stalked past our property (which is located on a dead end road) carrying a spear and a 9mm pistol - threatened to stab our dogs and shoot W. We had to go through the circuit court judge to get a restraining order. Thankfully he has obeyed the order so far. We continue to build security systems and fences.
I write all this to explain why I would not feel comfortable living here alone, and I am not ready to give up on dreams W and I share. Perhaps some day, but I do not feel strong enough physically or emotionally at this point in time.
I do however need to be strong in my boundaries. I cannot allow him to abuse me (never any physical abuse). I want to make sure I am never in his care again while disabled.
As I said, my hip replacement was on June 7, and I was sent home the same day. Beginning with day 2, W got me up to give me my pills - yelling at me to sit up and hold my hand out for the medications. He proceeded to complain about how all of this was difficult for him. This has gone on until the last few days since I started feeling better.
I suffered pain and fevers on and off since the surgery, the entire time listening to W make it all about him. He repeatedly accused me of being depressed, that I did not ever want to do anything. (I put the surgery off for nearly a year due to COVID). The fevers and pain increased over the 4th of July weekend, I developed a scary rash and was very weak.
On Monday July 5th I packed an overnight bag while W yelled saying Tilly was dying and I don't even care. I waddled down to my car with my quad cane and drove 1.5 hours to where my doctors and friends are located. I also have ADD and wouldn't you know I forgot my wallet. I had no money or ID, and my bank was closed! It is a good thing I learned how to ask for help. I stayed with friends who cared for me.
I went through many tests. They thought the infection was in my new hip joint and was facing repeat surgeries and extended recovery. All tests were negative so on Friday I went back to my internal medicine doctor who ordered additional blood work. I drove home and the next day I learned it was Lymes disease. I have been on antibiotics since July 5 and will follow up with the infectious disease specialist this Thursday. It seems the illness is easily treatable and caught in an early stage.
Phew. There ya have it. Thank you for your support.
