Farm Journal - 2025

[lighter]

That's terrific news, Amber.  Any relief for B  is long overdue.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Wow, that is beautiful news.
I'm so happy for you both.
Wish they'd opened the morphine valve for him a long time ago,
but ... the world.

Bless that nurse.

How about your Big Itch, is it better or gone?
That sounded like true torment.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Itch is still here; just getting better. Only downside to B's dosage adjustment, is he's sleeping a lot. Fell asleep at 8 last night (about) and he is still sleeping at 8 this morning. His body might be adjusting... we'll see. He reports the pain level dropped about 50%, so that's responsible - no doubt - for his more active & aware presence the past couple of days. With my itch, I definitely relate to how something physical that's constant, can take over one's brain. It is possible to "shut it out" to focus on needed tasks... but it's time-limited and uses more energy.

I'll text nurse on Monday to report observations and thank her for trying to find a way to help, when the docs aren't even trying.

[Twoapenny]

I'm so glad B's got some relief.  Also miffed on his behalf that it's taken this long.  But glad it's happened, none the less.  Still sending 'bye, bye, itchiness' thoughts your way xx

[Hopalong]

I can't imagine what a healing thing it could be to both his body and psyche to sleep 12 hours. Maybe for six months.

He's been tormented by pain for SO long and it's likely harmed his psyche as much as his body.

Morphine was a divine discovery, imo. (Wouldn't say the same for heroin....)

Sleep is a healer I yearn for, so I'm sure I'm projecting that. But it may also be true. Unless he stops breathing, I'd not worry about the sleep. It's a gift.

hugs
Hops
PS Glad the itch is retreating, may it be fully gone soon!

[sKePTiKal]

B says the muscle spasms intensity has been reduced quite a bit. Instead of his legs & feet having a mind of their own, he'll just notice a muscle tightening and loosening... like when guys want to show off a bicep muscle. Important detail is that he only has real feeling in his legs and feet, to about mid-thigh.

Also, I'm having a hard time getting Hol to accept a basic fact of how morphine pumps work. There isn't any psychotropic effect per se; it's directed into the spinal column to soothe the nerves that are agitated & read by the brain as pain.

It is really amazing how positively this small change has helped. He's working at building up his stamina, strength & muscle again by cutting up some downed trees & splitting firewood (for next year). It is repetitive, and I have a wood splitter, so it's not like he's swinging an axe but he put in close to 8 hrs yesterday - with breaks.

Every thing about his presence is clearer and brighter. That is a total relief.

[lighter]

Relief for B flipped through my stomach, along with the "feelings to mid thigh" and "hours of wood splitting."

The idea of B sleeping 12 hours, at a go....
as Hops said.... it's much needed healing and recovery time, yup yup yup.

I bet B is so happy to be busy busy.  It's a beautiful time of year to work outdoors. Fills me with warmth to picture him engaged and feeling like himself again.

Try not to scratch, Amber.
Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

It appears that the dosage change is definitely a more permanent solution to no stimulator than the oral Rx. B is doing really well and I won't worry (as much) about his long long drive south on Monday.

So, as is usual in life, I'm shifting the caretaking to Hol. She & C had a major blow-up a week or so ago. They've gone to their separate corners, but are still talking somewhat. What shows up clearly is C has some serious issues that make him even more volatile that Hol is. We've tried guessing what those issues are... but to no solid conclusions or even clues. He has to tell his story.

I'm not comfortable having that energy around here. And there's the aspect of ticking timebomb to watch for, more uneasiness. He has apologized, and I'd imagine pretty embarrassed. So, Hol is keeping a pretty cool head through all of this; trying to hold compassion; knows she didn't do anything wrong or to upset him. She's still hurt; but she's even handling that pretty well. I did sit with her the first day. Let her spew everything going thru her head without commenting (much). That's the kind of thoughts that - if she keeps them to herself - torment her into downward spirals, emotionally.

She did mention recently, that she's being drawn to writing again. (If she ever sits down!) She and her landscaping friend worked all last week, and will again this coming week. She has been remodelling a new space to become her sewing & leather studio. That work is about done... then the big move happens. Since S has moved (mostly) out, she's been trying to make more space in her small-ish house and make it more functional. I have the same thing to do downstairs, as the time when B is completely moved in is getting closer. I've started to crave some redecoration in the living room as well - but this does work for us, for now.

And B and I are getting ready to transition into the "other kind" of relationship we have - the text buddies. And I need to focus on my garden pretty soon; I've waiting long enough on the weather to stop being bi-polar. Doing my things, myself... and in my own time... not waiting for someone else to get his part done or accomodating HIS schedule. I'm not complaining, here. It's just a fact of life of living with another person. The plus side of that, far outweighs all the little "sacrifices" that require some patience.

No idea how the C saga is going to turn out. As long as she can adjust to a new situation, I can watch from afar. But she has shattered in the past, so I'm watchful.

[lighter]

I despise being held hostage to emotionally distregulated people's outbursts/consistent whining or irrational yanking everyone's carts off the rails, just bc.  My face snarles up just thinking about it

And....I realize....I no longer care why they do it.  It gets a glance, and my mind's made up.  Nope. 

Sorry Hol is dealing with some version of "volatile" relationship, and presumably, hoping to figure it out, change it or, always my past favorite, heal it.

I really wanted her to enjoy being  peacefully busy with C.....a team. 

You didn't mention the itching, so hopefully it's about over.

If you're enjoying similar weather, it's balmy, moist and greening up where you are.  Can't wait to follow your garden journey.  The decorating interests me too!

Good luck to B on his drive and finishing old business.  Let me know if he needs a bonfire and cord cutting ceremony.  We'll set him up; )

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

I think B is more self-reliant/resilient than a lot of people! He'll be fine.

If we're sharing the contents of our "least favorite things" list... the thing that chaps my grits recently is the insistence by SOME PEOPLE, that all the people around them MUST agree with them on (pick a topic) and that we MUST see it all the same way OR....

we're invalidating them... or

we're the enemy.

All facts & evidence to the contrary.

I'm glad I figured out being "hermit" already.

[lighter]

We put a $100 fine jar in place, for those who bring up topics no one will ever agree on.

Maybe try that?

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Well, Hol is working her own path. And lately, that's taken her away from here for shorter trips. One way to alleviate the head-butting sometimes. And with B gone too, till June, lets me build the evidence that I'm not senile, frail, or totally unmotivated... so that the next time I say: "I don't WANT any help, I want to do it my way, in my own time"... she'll back off.

But in common, we're both elbows deep in planting season. The land-forming that her friend has done at her place, has let her expand & plan to further expand planting spaces. My garden is prepped to minimize the weeding this year... seeds started... raised beds built, place & filled... and I'm moving on to the herb beds. Mowing is the next chore to begin again... with pruning, continuing to remove trees for winter wood & firebreaks... and the ongoing organization of space, with B moving in.

When it turns consistently hot, I'll be in the studio (in a/c) sewing. Something... don't know what yet. I've got maybe another two weeks of warm but not hot weather to do some more of my own work around here outside.

It's been very nice to have my solitude back. My creativity is waking up again and my senses are sharper. Able to process what's around me better. The herbs I planted last year, have mostly survived the long winter. I lost a clump of bee balm to the drought; the artemisia died back - I thought - but it looks to be rejuvenating itself. The lavender grossos survived; they need more soil, but that's on the list. I have a new batch of seedlings to go in, too. This year - I've added about twice as much soil as I did last year. It's truly needed. Exciting to see that the marshmallow and Elecampane have made it!

I'll probably start some more feverfew later on... a few other things. Mullein is native here and I have two sizable patches growing to harvest already. Adding elderberry this year. I should FINALLY be at a place, where I can start adding some spring bulbs and more flowers. The dahlias I saw at the nursery on Hol's & my expedition were calling to me. It "feels" like we might be reaching a plateau with projects around here and designs/layout. I still need to address the issue of an elevator, but a) the contractors are under stress this year and b) I need to make sure my design ideas are FUNCTIONAL and c) we still have plenty to do, to finish other projects.

[lighter]

Hi, Amber:

I love reading about the herbs, and gardens!  Also, the sewing intrigues me.

I'm picturing you stating/holding boundaries, in every direction, with zero charge or drama.....just calm assurance, and knowing.

Good luck on the construction end, particularly if contractor is out of sorts. 

How's B doing?

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

He's busy; the morphine increase seems to manage the muscle spasms pretty well. He is facing years of pack-rat "maybe I'll need this someday" piles and dealing with it there, rather than here. He's closing multiple chapters of his previous lives before finally settling in here. Altho, given the last visit was 6 months, he was pretty danged comfortable.

We touch base daily while he's away - but basically we both do our own thing independently.