Whatever I don't care if you judge me or maybe I do.
I go to the foodbank when I can right.
I'm not lying and maybe this is bad but it feels like Christmas and it's not even a particularly nice foodbank.
The reason why it feels like Christmas is because sometimes they have random nicer things.
My entire life would I buy an $8.00 container of yogurt no I wouldn't. Once in a blue moon I find something like this.
But also since the near foodbank is not managed too well they really don't have very many veggies or fruit.
Yes I am still thankful.
They do often have cookies, cake like junk and such.
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When I am grocery shopping and just spending cash I usually just buy what I need for a couple days and maybe some staples. I don't buy soda, ice-cream, potato chips and the like regularly.
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When I go to the foodbank I take everything I might eat and it's rationed out there anyways.
You get only one can of beans AND they will give you a whole expired cake sometimes. It's hit and miss.
I have never seen broccoli, cabbage, carrots at this foodbank not once.
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Look I know I am a grown ass adult.
I always ate healthy in the past.
I'm not eating healthy now. If there is junk food I take it and if it's only a LARGE QTY package because they have nothing else I take that large package. And then once I get it home I don't want to waste it so I am eating all this crap.
And I will sometimes eat things JUST because I would never buy it.
I got this expired giant pastry thing if I were to buy it it would be 25.00 and I would never spend that on junk food
I would buy a 3.00 brownie once a week maybe
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I don't even feel good when I eat this stuff.
Part of me has thoughts like "other people are getting it why should I deprive myself"
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I don't have a ton of food around but what I can pilfer away I do just to have it in case.
I don't weigh that much I am 126.
Also WEIGHT alone is NOT an indicator of health.
I'm not obese BUT I've been doing this a few months now and I do feel I have some skinny flab on my gut and arms.
but also I have been eating like I don't give a crap about cholesterol
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I am eating sometimes from low stimulation and boredom and what else who knows
I can't afford to eat out so it's practical for me to make some food at home and even EAT when I am not hungry
"If I eat now I won't be hungry in one hour"
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I'm not vain or am I. Generally I have felt I am quite ugly but it has never been due to being over weight because I've been a bit control freak about food. Not my whole life.. I quit being a food control freak maybe sometime in my 30's.
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I don't get emotional like about food.
I have an overweight friend and her face lights up and she gets exuberant talking about food.
I haven't been making any new recipes lately not intentionally. I've been doing the make what is on hand thing.
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I didn't have sugar cravings four months ago.
Now I do have sugar cravings.
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The junk food that I have in the refrigerator right now I tasted it and I can throw the rest away I don't have to eat it all in fact I shouldn't this is too much junk!
I am allowed to throw away food still.
I am allowed to eat half a portion and not eat all of it if I am not hungry.
I am not going to starve to death this week it's just not going to happen.
My health still matters even though I am getting older.
I think I do burn lots of calories because it seems as though I can sort of pig out on food and I don't get obese.
But am I making the best choices?
Try it! -- I think this is a good choice.
EAT ALL OF IT DON"T WASTE ANYTHING -- I think this is a bad choice.
"you can't tell me what to do" --- huh look I am even doing defiant eating who knew?
And also "I won't be like you" ------- seriously this is psychological eating
Is this mature?
Whatever. I said it. I am getting junk from the foodbank.
I might drink some water. I might put some stuff into a bag and take it out to the trash and then just go out and walk around because also I can't sit. It's summer the sun has not set. But also I am tired.
