Anything again

[Dirty Hippy]

Maybe I should read this one though I'm not sure sounds like another generic self help thingy. Maybe I should still read the generic thingies.

Who You Were Meant to Be: A Guide to Finding or Recovering Your Life's Purpose
by Lindsay Gibson

[Dirty Hippy]

Whatever I don't care if you judge me or maybe I do.

I go to the foodbank when I can right.

I'm not lying and maybe this is bad but it feels like Christmas and it's not even a particularly nice foodbank.

The reason why it feels like Christmas is because sometimes they have random nicer things.

My entire life would I buy an $8.00 container of yogurt no I wouldn't. Once in a blue moon I find something like this.

But also since the near foodbank is not managed too well they really don't have very many veggies or fruit.

Yes I am still thankful.

They do often have cookies, cake like junk and such.
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When I am grocery shopping and just spending cash I usually just buy what I need for a couple days and maybe some staples. I don't buy soda, ice-cream, potato chips and the like regularly.
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When I go to the foodbank I take everything I might eat and it's rationed out there anyways.
You get only one can of beans AND they will give you a whole expired cake sometimes. It's hit and miss.
I have never seen broccoli, cabbage, carrots at this foodbank not once.
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Look I know I am a grown ass adult.
I always ate healthy in the past.
I'm not eating healthy now. If there is junk food I take it and if it's only a LARGE QTY package because they have nothing else I take that large package. And then once I get it home I don't want to waste it so I am eating all this crap.
And I will sometimes eat things JUST because I would never buy it.
I got this expired giant pastry thing if I were to buy it it would be 25.00 and I would never spend that on junk food
I would buy a 3.00 brownie once a week maybe
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I don't even feel good when I eat this stuff.

Part of me has thoughts like "other people are getting it why should I deprive myself"
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I don't have a ton of food around but what I can pilfer away I do just to have it in case.

I don't weigh that much I am 126.

Also WEIGHT alone is NOT an indicator of health.

I'm not obese BUT I've been doing this a few months now and I do feel I have some skinny flab on my gut and arms.

but also I have been eating like I don't give a crap about cholesterol
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I am eating sometimes from low stimulation and boredom and what else who knows

I can't afford to eat out so it's practical for me to make some food at home and even EAT when I am not hungry

"If I eat now I won't be hungry in one hour"
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I'm not vain or am I. Generally I have felt I am quite ugly but it has never been due to being over weight because I've been a bit control freak about food. Not my whole life.. I quit being a food control freak maybe sometime in my 30's.
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I don't get emotional like about food.
I have an overweight friend and her face lights up and she gets exuberant talking about food.
I haven't been making any new recipes lately not intentionally. I've been doing the make what is on hand thing.
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I didn't have sugar cravings four months ago.
Now I do have sugar cravings.
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The junk food that I have in the refrigerator right now I tasted it and I can throw the rest away I don't have to eat it all in fact I shouldn't this is too much junk!

I am allowed to throw away food still.
I am allowed to eat half a portion and not eat all of it if I am not hungry.
I am not going to starve to death this week it's just not going to happen.

My health still matters even though I am getting older.

I think I do burn lots of calories because it seems as though I can sort of pig out on food and I don't get obese.

But am I making the best choices?

Try it! -- I think this is a good choice.
EAT ALL OF IT DON"T WASTE ANYTHING -- I think this is a bad choice.

"you can't tell me what to do" --- huh look I am even doing defiant eating who knew?

And also "I won't be like you" ------- seriously this is psychological eating

Is this mature?

Whatever. I said it. I am getting junk from the foodbank.

I might drink some water. I might put some stuff into a bag and take it out to the trash and then just go out and walk around because also I can't sit. It's summer the sun has not set. But also I am tired.

[Dirty Hippy]

- Rest of the pastry is into the garbage now. DONE
- Roasted some yams for some other day. DONE

Finished with the junk food for a few more days at least.

- Have raisins which also represent junk food but I don't like them much. Telling myself they are already in handy little prepackaged bags so they are kind of a good emergency grab and go. Ugh.

[Hopalong]

I feel sad about how many struggles you go through, Hippy.
It ain't right.

Then again, your descriptions of your times outdoors make me think of you as rich. Many, many layers of sight and recognition and joy at beauty.

I've also picked up the occasional bumblebee. Every animal awes me. Wonder.

Makes me mad that people who need fresh produce most can't afford it. Furious.

Well, I understand about sugar, too. I banished it from my house some years ago. Now I don't crave it any more. I do feel like crap after eating it, so I don't often. It doesn't feel like comfort or a reward, it feels like heroin.

So on we old ladies stumble and fumble but we still see. Breathe. Move. Rest. Watch. Wait.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Feeding just one of me... a person CAN buy veggies and protein and not break their budget. I don't need 2# of carrots - even though they keep pretty well in the fridge. A head of broccoli will give me 2-3 meals. Celery doesn't last so long, but a person can dehydrate it and add to soups. A chuck roast is more than one meal for me, so I cut it and freeze to use in any number of other kinds of meals - steak subs for instance.

My current "treat" for myself - is a smaller pkg of grocery deli cookies. Yeah, I can make cookies but I don't really want the oven on this time of year.

Buy wraps instead of bread; stir fries stretch the meat over several meals and can make a good lunch or dinner, in a wrap. Always buy a larger portion of meat and repackage/freeze for another meal. Breakfast - or brunch - we eat a lot of sausage, hashbrown, onion/peppers and eggs. Mostly we eat this in a breakfast bowl but would also go in a wrap. Leftovers get eaten for lunch if I make a casserole.

The only thing we don't buy much of is fruit. Maybe fried apples. I cut up a batch of strawberries for B and I and sugared them... and we just don't eat them. Headed for the trash tomorrow. Been in the fridge longer than a week. Might start buying those little pkgs of melons though. The squash I though was still good for last night's dinner wasn't. Matching the shopping list to meal planning is an art. I'm still practicing!