I find your friend's posit neither overly complex nor obfuscating - just a tad simplistic. As Guest pointed out, defining "like" is pertinent.
When I read your friend's words, I think of "like" to mean "made comfortable". Not comfortable in the sense of "feels good", but in the sense of familiarity.
This holds up if one subscribes to the idea that people re-create the past in order to work out the meaning of it for themselves, either physically or emotionally (or both). Ditto if one believes, as I do, that abusive people are not attracted to us, but rather we are attracted to them and seek them out/make ourselves available, consciously or not. If one has grown up in an environment of physical/emotional abuse, one becomes adept at reading even the most subtle signals of a potentilal abuser, even if we don't know that we are reading.
Masochism is a slightly different animal, but sometimes related. I have met a few otherwise intelligent, bright and successful wonmen who are actually physically/sexually masochistic in their leanings, but who, instead of calling a spade a spade and seeking a relationship specifically based on physical/sexual masochism, cloak that desire by seeking men who are just mean and dangerous in the secret hope that they'll come through with the goods without a specific request from the abusee/masochist. They rationalize these choices in numerous ways (but he loves me! but he is sometimes so good! He's exciting and never dull!). They often do have emotional issues tied up in those hidden desires, but they shield themselves from this idea, as well as the sexual masochism aspect, because it makes them feel "icky" on both counts. They NEED to be the "innocent victim" so they can avoid the socially unacceptable truth about themselves.
Of course, this doesn't work, because the "meaness" of the targeted abuser is generalized rather than specific, thus there is no opportunity for the abusee/masochist to explore that aspect of h/er sexuality/related emotional landscape with freedom and safety. They remain dependent upon the whim of the abuser, rather than in control of/a full participant in their experience. These wo/men would be much happier people if they could overcome their dis-ease with their own feelings/preoccupations.
I went through a long period of somewhat veiled sexual masochism. I would be attracted to "dangerous" types, but like no1where, could not stick around long because their overall character was reprehensible and, well, mean and abusive. Then one day "I caled a spade a spade", found a great realtionship (relatively short term, a couple of months) based on the physical aspects, worked out my desire AND my emotional pain/fury/whatever for awhile, then promptly got over it. In the end I was satisfied, freed, and no longer interested, and had managed this under safe conditions with honesty to myself and partner of the moment. To this day, I remember it fondly bu thave no desire to explore there again. My work there is done.
I am also, however, green-eyed and slightly strawberry-tressed. Hmmm.
Most abusee-types are probably not sexually masochistic, however. I think it is a problem of intelligence - not in the intellectual acuity sense, but in the information sense (as in Central Intelligence Agency). If your entire early life experience informs you that relationships are inevitably abusive and/or that you cannot really know your intimates and must always guess what they really mean/are, then one is probably all the more susceptible to repating the pattern over and over.
Then, of course, ther are the the others, whose early experiences did not adequately inform them of potential danger and its related signals, who approach dynamic, exciting, mercurial abuser types with starry-eyed innocence, finding that they learn about said dangers only after they've been burned, sometimes badly.
In summary, I think there are many different ways of becoming enmeshed in an abusive realtionship. These are probably a good sample, but to be sure there are more, as each situation has its own nuance.
The key to staying out of these relationships is self-knowledge and self-awareness, by and large.
T
