Anything

[teartracks]

Hi Guest,

Not familiar with Rowe.  

I'm always playing catch up even with simple things - is it the late bloomer syndrome?  For instance I'd never pondered the first paragraph of what he says in this article, let alone the rest.  I'll reread and look for muddleism.    

I want to think on what you said a bit more too.  I think you're on to something.

tt

[teartracks]

racism, bigotry, aggression, obstinate stupidity, but I keep it inside and watch my reactions

Seems to be everywhere all the time in one form or another, even in the everyday world of going about one's business, just getting through the day.  No one is immune.

Would you say it's more effective in today's world to practice the Golden Rule in each and every encounter?   Would that not  eliminate the problems you named?   

tt

[teartracks]

My brain may be too hot for this type of thinking!

Okay

tt

[teartracks]

In a cartoon, two elephants are driving their car down the road in India. They say, “We’d better not get out here,” as they pass a sign saying:

ELEPHANTS

PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

[Sela]

Hi all,

Just popped in to read and saw this:

Being in command of all the facts is rare, if ever the case.

TT,  you summed it up brilliantly!  If only that could be added as a postscript to the golden rule eh?

Hey Guest:

I wish I could talk to someone

.

I'd talk to you too.

  Sela

[Sela]

I understand Guest.  That thought sorting can be a bit of a workout at times eh?

Talking in reality?   I'm real and I imagine you are too (?).  Ain't that reality?

Would it help to get some of it out of your head and onto this thread?  (perhaps less circular.... rather more of a straight outward thrust??  Ok.  Picture that one however you like  ).

   Sense of humour?  Gotta hold onto it just to stay somewhat sane these days. 

Love bombing?  Oh please!!!   Not my cuppa but thanks for asking. 

I can't comment on the consequences of talking.  Are they predictable?  Based on what history?  Or some mathematical equation?  I dunno. 

Whenever you're ready, Guest.   No rushing.  Notta worry.

Sela

[teartracks]

Being in command of all the facts is rare, if ever the case.

TT,  you summed it up brilliantly!  If only that could be added as a postscript to the golden rule eh?

In my mind it would sound kind of like this:  Don't ever think you're in command of all the facts,  for if you do, practicing the law of reciprocity (the Golden Rule) will not seem like the right thing to do, though it is ALWAYS the right thing to do.  

tt

[Sela]

I was definitely thinking of the cultish type of love bombing.  Words are tricky.

Not sure what your question is?

My idea of the golden rule thingy is simply that I should strive to treat people as I would like to be treated (and if I add in TT's bit about facts  it might go:   plus keep in mind that I don't know everything).  Not that I do that all of the time.  I wish I could do that all of the time, wait a minute:  I wish I could do that most of the time.........but I know I don't.  Sometimes I judge and sometimes I judge incorrectly.  I'm human I guess. 

Wow!  Guest that is some site!  Lots to digest there eh? 

I like this goal:

To find solutions for Future of Humanity and having a dialog with other Alien Races.

Sounds like a tricky goal.    Are you a member of the group?

In attachment terms it's just got clear to me how very untrusting and wary my style is

It's not good to be too trusting either, is it?  There must be a happy medium somewhere.  The way you worded this makes me think you have trouble attaching/bonding with ..... people?  Or am I reading too much there?  It makes sense to you and is a pain to over-ride.   That gives me the impression you might want to over-ride it?  Is that what you mean?  If you feel like talking.....that is.

Sela

[Sela]

Hiya Guest,

Yep.  That makes sense.  I know the feeling too.  I hope you find who you need.

The good news is, if all else fails, you can always come here and talk, if you wanna.
It's not 3D but hey.... who said 3D is best anyhow?  Maybe some things are easier said and heard in writing?

Sela

PS:  Cool picture you gave me there (thanks) about the dialog thingy with the laser gun.  I wanna be a fly on the wall k?   

[Sela]

Hee hee hee hee.    I need more coffee this morning.  I just got:  "happy medium"!  Hahahaha!  Too funny Guest!

I do like this though, very seriously:

To find solutions for Future of Humanity

Wouldn't that be lovely?

Sela

[Sela]

Hi Guest,

What solutions?  Solutions for "Future of Humanity" (that haven't been found yet, I'm assuming).  I take that to mean, answers to the problems that might endanger the future of the human race (like pollution, food shortages, disease, war, etc).  If those kinds of troubles could be solved (and I like your end to suffering but in a conscious way idea... yes!), would that not be lovely?  I think it would.    Is it possible?  Only your hair dresser knows for sure!!  

Oh but you said:  "....that's possibly the most we can hope for."

Wanna know what I think?  I think we can hope for whatever we want to.  Doesn't mean it will happen.  Doesn't mean it won't happen.  
But without hope, there most surely cannot be much of a life nor any change.   How can there be?  Imagine a hopeless society?  No one would ever try to do anything.  What a stagnant, motionless, dormant, stale, passive boring world that would be!  Now there's a picture I don't like.  

Judging from history, even in depths of the most horrendous suffering, lots of people seem to somehow grab onto some form of hope and manage to survive whatever they must.  It seems to me, it's hope that keeps people alive.  Without it, why bother?

Maybe we can hope for solutions? .... maybe not all at once, maybe we'll have to be patient, maybe we'll be disappointed....  but it's a chance that has to be taken in order to attempt to solve anything, I'm thinking.  Otherwise, everything stays the same but the best possible outcome.....to me..... is just lovely to think about, if I wanna.

So is chocolate, mind you.  

I get the feeling you're trying to decide something?  In college, a friend of mine and I discussed a method to use to make decisions ('cause we were dorky kinda people who would rather contemplate strange ideas rather than actually study).  Here's how we decided we would make decisions in future:

1.  Think of the worst possible thing that could happen.
2.  Make a plan (what you will do if the worst possible thing happens).
3.  Forget about it because it is more than likely that the worst possible thing won't happen (however, if it does, at least you have a plan).
4.  In an emergency, go with your gut.


Not sure if this helps at all but I hope it does.

It's one thing being NC yourself, but you can't force that on anyone else.

True and you don't have to answer the phone do you?

What will happen if you run into this NC person?  Is that likely?  

Wanting the world to fit into your reality isn't really so insane is it?  Aren't we all a little insane, now and then?

Sela

PS:  On edit, your head is attached to your neck.    Now you won't have to ask yourself that again!

[Sela]

Hiya Guest,

Isn't that nice that the sign in board is so personalized for you?       I love it!

Ok.  You said a lot there.

1.  Think of the worst possible thing that could happen - I'm thinking........how about I spend the rest of my life feeling like this? That's not good from my point of view.

The worst possible thing will not ever likely be a good thing.  After all, it's the worst possible thing.

The question is:  Must you spend the rest of your life feeling "like this"?  Do you have choices?  Is there a way to move through and past the way you feel and onto another set of feelings?  Possibly a better place?


 

What are the other worse things and how bad are they? I can't really think of anything. Other than a repeat of the crime, which I'd imagine unlikely, but not impossible (and if I thought likely, imagine the difference in how I'd be acting, whoever was involved), what is 'worse' than how things are now? That's difficult to imagine really. Which makes that a very interesting question Sela. One that I feel I've 'done' without thinking about. There isn't any  worse' thing. It's all happened. Next!

Seriously?  I do challenge the idea that it's all happened.  Things can almost always be worse.  This is where the old "gratitude" thingy comes in.  It's not that I don't understand where you're coming from because I've had such thoughts/opinions and feelings myself before.  But truely, when I think about it..... things could be a lot worse.  I could be unable to walk, see, control my bowels!  I could be dying of some horrid disease.  I could live in a place where the idea of talking with another human being on the internet is not only impossible but imprisonable!  I could be starving, for heaven's sake, and chocolate would not only be a dream but not even thinkable;  or someone I care about could be experiencing serious suffering and I could be helpless to ease the pain for them.  I am so thankful that none of that is happening.  How about you?

I suggest a new mantra for you:  "Things can almost always be worse!"

Say it in the mirror.  Sing it to your teddy bear.  Scream it when you wanna scream.

It's true.  It is.

2.  Make a plan (what you will do if the worst possible thing happens).
Not necessary,see above.

Oh come on!!  (No you come on!  No you come on!  No you!  )  Again, I challenge this in the biggest way.
It can't hurt can it .....to plan out how you will manage if you continue on "feeling like this", especially for the next while?
What choices do you have?  Immediately.... can you choose to focus on things that could change for the better?  You mentioned a "shrink", "law enforcement"..... maybe those are realistic ideas?  Or maybe just a therapist or clergy member to speak with?  Finding someone to talk to in the 3D world is what you stated you want so can you think, in more detail of who... what kind of person.... how you might find that person?   What agencies could help you?

So part of the plan might be what steps you could take to achieve what you want?  And what can you do to help yourself through and past the way you're feeling?

3.  Forget about it because it is more than likely that the worst possible thing won't happen (however, if it does, at least you have a plan). Well I also have a setof kitchen knives and a jumping text box.........

If you are seriously considering using the knives then it would be a good idea to let your medical doctor know.  It sounds like the doc is someone you are comfortable speaking with?  Perhaps the doc can refer you to other sources of help?

4.  In an emergency, go with your gut.
I would. And my kitchen equipment.

Now, now, no need for kitchen equipment.  Well, maybe to chop up a little chocolate but that's it, promise?

What will happen if you run into this NC person?  Is that likely? 
What, with a new set of wheels perchance? If that person turns up on my doorstep they will be told to leave. Otherwise, I don't expect to see them again in a 'normal' social circumstance, if at all.

That sounds like a good thing then.  Your biggest worry isn't running into this person?  It sounds like your biggest worry is dealing with the feelings generated by whatever you've experienced?  Good!  One less worry!

Back to hope. I have little to have hope about if I was honest.

Wait a minute.  Can you hope to feel better?  Can you hope to find someone in the 3D world to talk with?  Can you hope to keep on walking and talking and seeing and eating chocolate?  You can always hope!  Everything you want may not happen but you can hope for the best, if you choose to. 

It won't all happen just because you hope it will though.  Hope is simply the first step towards change.  Does this make sense?

Now I've stopped 'being useful', and have stopped wanting to 'be useful',

Earth to Guest!!!  Most of us are fairly useless.  Most people are just trying to live.  Most do not do anything extra-specaactular or especially wonderfully useful.  I doubt you are any more special than the rest of us and just as absolutely special as everyone else.  I'm not saying you are useless or anyone else is.  Your use may not even be obvious to you.   I don't know you but from what you've written I can see you have a partner so I bet that person sees things you don't.   Some people do make amazing changes in the world.  Some people make small ones.  Who is more useful?  Who is the most useless?
Who should we feed to the wolves?  Who should we celebrate?

have stopped feeling any responsibility for my FOO

Well thank ye all that is great and good for that!!!  That's not your responsibility and I'm very glad you have given that particular feeling up!  See, it is possible to move through and past feelings?  You've already done it!!

I hope I'm not coming off as some know it all.  I know nothing, really.  But I like to pretend I do. 

Take what helps and pitch the rest Guest.   Maybe give yourself a break?   Maybe play your fav music and eat some chocolate now and then?  Enjoy the good stuff in between the other stuff?

Sela

[Sela]

Hi Guest,

Whew!  It's hot outside!  I didn't last long pulling weeds today.  Much cooler here by the fan.

So then, a couple of ideas popped into my brain as I read your post:

1.  Might you decide then, if you really need to move from the way you feel about this one said topic to a better place and then, as you say, try to get more info to help yourself do that?

or

2.  Might you decide if this one topic is worth all the energy it seems to be sapping?  In other words, maybe there's nothing that needs changing about the way you feel about this one topic, according to the info that you already have, if your feelings seem appropriate and thus, would it be better for you to work/plan towards not focussing on this one topic any further?

Without knowing the details (which I am not asking for)..... if it's a matter of your serenity vs feeling ____________ (insert whatever feeling it is you're experiencing)......is the topic  worth agonizing (my guess there) over?



And here I had visions of kitchen equipment being used for all kinds of non-kitchen uses!!  

Sela

[Sela]

PS:  You are most welcome!  Forgot my manners there..... trying to think and be polite at the same time..... ... with my poor overheated brain..... sorry about that.

[Sela]

Hi again Guest,

This discussion is helping me to examine what I think too (so thanks for talking with me).

Ok.  Ruminating.  Do you find it useful, at this point?  Is it helping you?  Lot's of people do it (so you're definitely not alone).  I do it.
What's your past experience with ruminating?  Did it help?  Did you find it helped you find solutions/come to conclusions/get through stuff?

Personally, all it usually does for me is cause self-doubt.  Going over what I did or what I should have done or what I ought to do or ought to have done or should not have done on and on yadda yadda.....

Didn't really change much for me or help me solve or conclude or move through anything.  All it did was keep me stagnant.... going over and over the same stuff, sometimes from different angles but always...I seemed to stay in the same place.  For me, it brings up more questions than answers, makes things more confusing...so I guess I'm not a fan of ruminating, although I do find it hard to stop doing it sometimes.  Is it habitual?  Is it serving a purpose?  (maybe it keeps us from spiralling further into the abyss or maybe it fuels us in that direction, I dunno?).  The opposite might be... ignoring the situation, so that's probably not a great idea either?  Again......with the happy medium?  Where the heck is it?  

I'm glad you're "getting there" and "it feels right".   That's a good thing and I bet you will get "there" too.

All the what if's?  Worry.  A form of fear.  Been there.  Done that.  What would you have done?  

A friend of mine once put it simply:

"Why bat at balls that haven't been pitched?"

(My answer:  "Well, it's number one up there...... 'think of the worst thing that can happen'.  Part of my problem solving procedure."  His response:  "Think of it, not write a book about it in your head!").  Good point, actually.



I like your self talk:  "do it".  Sounds like it's how you help yourself overcome the worry/fear (by being firm with yourself.... sometimes it's a good thing eh?).   Fear can be paralyzing.   I suppose worry can be too?   If one does enough of it?  Not fun, really.



Now there could be a comical list of stuff:  "Non-kitchen uses of kitchen equipment"!  

Sounds like a Red Green episode!  Actually, I saw one of his shows where he did something kind of similar.  He cooked an entire set of side dishes to go with the turkey dinner,  in his car, on his way to the Thanksgiving celebration!  I don't remember exactly but it was something like:  peas in the air filter compartment, gravy in the radiator, mashed potatoes inside the hub caps.  It was pretty funny.  There's a guy who could think up some dandy non-kitchen uses of kitchen equipment!  

 

am I stalling because I know that I am not alone

Not sure what you mean there?  Do you feel like explaining that a little more?  Only if you wanna tho.

I might not get on here until late tomorrow.  Just letting you know that.

Sela