Anything

[Hopalong]

No, I never looked back! Oh that makes me happy.

 

[Meh]

I've never spoken to my mother less ever. I think I talked to her once or twice this year so far. She totally doesn't give a flip. It's like she pretended for a long time, playing a part. She was so phoney. i have no point at all. maybe I do but i am tired and going to sleep now.

[Twoapenny]

today a customer tried to do extortion on me, that I should give her money or else she would write a bad review about me

there was nothing that warranted she get money back from us, as if "I" me could even approve something like that

I want to say to the c word "SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT..... YOU are trying to extort me for money!" HAHAHAHHAHAH

I feel like this job is demoralizing and demeaning, people demanding and commanding ridiculous stuff from us

Gosh some people are just vile, I've heard a lot of this goes on now, give us free this and that or we'll give you a bad review.  You must get so tired dealing with people like this, G very draining, you deserve so much better.

[Meh]

Hi Two, Yes maybe it is tiring. Although I think I am accustomed to it now since I have been doing it for a while. On Wednesday one of the supervisors was demoted, her name was Jennifer, she was really good as far as I am concerned, I thought that she was well liked. So when she was demoted it was rather disheartening to see that happen to a good person. She told me that the two department heads who demoted her said that her team was making complaints against her. I had previously been on her team and she is one of the more conscientious supervisors there. She would email these little news letters once every week or two with all the changes and updates occurring that was relevant to our jobs. The other managers there don't do this at all, my current manager barely tells us squat. It's very hard to believe that her subordinates were making complaints, and it is doubly hard to believe that the two department heads would actually respond to complaints. Jessica felt that they were lying because she was never given the feedback from the complaints. Oh well. 

[Meh]

Baking Banana Bread about 25 more minutes to go. Any of you ever put yeast directly into the dry mix of flour and then bake it without letting it rise?

I saw somebody do this. Not start the yeast but instead throw it right into a bread mix and then right into the oven. No rising time. I don't get it. I would think the oven temperature would kill the yeast too quickly.

Now I am laying down with my feet elevated due to they hurt. I am taking one vacation day this week, so I get a 3 day weekend.   yay

I was lazy at work today, on occasion I have these kinds of days where I have simply given up. There was one customer situation that I thought was solved and then it turned out not to be due to purchasing issues that have nothing to do with me really... and I think that is how I got to the point where I said ferk it.

Yesterday someone I know who is 10 years younger than me propositioned me to sort of go out on a date. I declined it was too weird and ridiculous. It does make me wish I had tried to date more when I was younger when everybody was doing the dating thing and it was normal.

[Meh]

  Thanks Tear Tracks,

I must investigate further at some point.

[Meh]

@ Hops >

So I have been contemplating container gardening. There is something some what tacky BUT also there is something innovative in bag gardening.

These are really big ones here>  https://dersozialeblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/big-bag-vertical-gardens.jpg?w=640

There are smaller ones also of course > http://c0263062.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/content/images/sized/garden-bags-soil_1d70fe7033528395d5223ab898b1ad6f_3x2_jpg_600x400_q85.jpg

I want to do the one above, lazy and to-the-point where the bag is plopped and a plant put into it but I think my room mate would freak out due to it being a change.

Ohhh look at these, now these look like decent producers>

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P2IcRtebzG0/UxOC_DzkYOI/AAAAAAAAEBA/MrsQtbvhVWw/s1600/Gardening+in+a+bag.jpg

Sadly tomato will not like this house. So perhaps I will grow Kale in a bag on the cement porch and maybe the bugs will stay in the lawn. Shrug.

Or maybe beans the kind that can be dried out.

[Hopalong]

I love this idea. SO happy that nature is demanding that
you allow her to give you something you'll love. You so
deserve the simple joy of growing things, Boat. And it's
wonderful that you'll grow something fresh and great to eat.

I'm going to try too.
I've been going through feeling feeble and old and weak.
I'm only 64! I think it's depression. An odd springtime variant of SAD.
Happens to me every year so I know it'll pass at some point. It's so
counter-intuitive. Just when the weather breaks and the very first
things bloom and suddenly it's sunny, I want to pull covers over my head.

Even on sunny days, I'm not getting outside. Sick of the job.
Sick of missing my daughter. Not feeling well connected with friends.
Allowing aches and pains to persuade me to not bother working outside.
(And I have the aches and pains because I'm not exercising.)

Very excited about one thing, though. Going out of town for two
weeks (almost) next month. One week with a writer friend, who
inspires me. Then a few days+ in the city I lived in when I met my
daughter's father. Old friends there to stay with, and I may connect
with my daughter's father's (my ex's) sisters, who are good people.

Would be good for bio-relatives of my daughter's to know what's
up (they may already to some degree) with her from my perspective.
I'd like to give them my lawyer's card and an idea of how I've arranged
things. If I should become ill or die, her father's sisters will know that
I have left arrangements for her someone should know about.

And, it's my first extended road trip with my pooch. Quite happy
about that. Some of my happiest days years ago were with the dog
I called my "first husband". A truly-huge sweet yellow lab. He would
ride for many miles standing in the back seat with his big head
propped on my right shoulder as I drove. So loved that dog!

And I love my current one. Closest bond I've had with an animal
since him (about 25 years ago). She's bright and the most affectionate
dog I've ever had. Cute, too. Just 20 pounds but she's big inside.

Been having running-away fantasies. I figure I will be working FT
until I am 70 (five years hence) and PT thereafter. I'll survive on a
wee bit as so many people do.

I'm annoyed with my own attitude. Something about losing my
daughter has cracked me inside so I have trouble conjuring up
the gratitude and enthusiasm and bliss-about-nature that I have
usually had access to, at least periodically. I guess I wonder if
anything matters. Have lost my sense of meaning, temporarily.

But thank you for listening. Writing this little whine has eased me
because I think I needed to say it all.

love
Hops

[Meh]

Eh, I am feeling old and feeble and weak also and I am still in my 30's. I wake up with my legs hurting me from veinous insufficiency/same thing that causes varicose veins and there really isn't much I can do about it. It only started after a job I was doing where I had to stand all day, I knew it was going to ruin my legs but I just got pushed into doing that job.

Well when there is a nice day outside like today I personally feel sort of down on myself because I don't have a car and...well hey other people are kayaking, playing with their kids, painting a room in their house, having a BBQ.... and I am not I am renting a room in a house that doesn't belong to me and sitting in a dark room on my laptop, doing nothing but waiting for my sausage to cook.

Ughh there is a wood pecker on the roof.  

Awww that is good to get out of town, a little change of scenery is good for the soul.

Well it is good to get it out. No reason to keep it bottled up inside.

You know I kind of wonder if losing touch with nature happens naturally with age, I feel like there is something related to youth that is connected with nature.
Truth is I have been spending very little time outside. It just feels like an event to do so.

holy crud the wood pecker is now under my window eve  it sounded like he was pecking on glass ... I mean nature is all around but feeling connected to it and enjoying it that is another thing altogether


I took the day off of work, it is sunny outside, I am just doing a little bit of spring cleaning and laundry. Slowly it is improving, I had a pile of stuff in the corner of my room I moved the whole pile, wiped up the wood floor with a kitchen sponge to get the dust up. And now I have to continue trying to find a place for everything other than the piles.

[Worn]

Garbanzo, you said:  "This is something I have the power to change"  That attitude is something I'm trying to work on.  I have a note on my front door that says, "I can do SOMETHING."  I've let myself become frozen too many times. 

I forget who was talking about farting rainbows but I wish I could do that!   

I like the pictures of container gardening.  I've always wanted to grow things but I've only done it once.  In fact I think I wrote about it on this board.  Two tomato plants on my back porch.  I listen to a radio program about organic gardening and have gotten a lot of info from it, but now I want to do SOMETHING about my urge to grow things.  It's the right time of the season to start! 

Hops, your trip sounds fantastic!  Being around people that inspire me gives me such good energy!  And how wonderful that you have a loyal companion to go with you.   My two dogs light up my life. 
And you are right about losing your sense of meaning TEMPORARILY.  You will find your way again.  If it weren't for the downs in life we wouldn't be able to find such wonderful joy in the ups. 

Today I was reminded about my love for the music of Creedence Clearwater Revival.  Now I'm listening to their best hits album on Youtube.  I first heard them on an infomercial that was advertising their best hits album.  I was around ten.  I was immediately in love!  Would listen to them on my headphones while I mowed the lawn.  The feeling I got when listening to their music was all about freedom.  I felt free and that didn't happen often.  I'm going to listen to them as my friend and I work on the project that will make me much more free when it's done. 

[Meh]

am tired waiting for laundry and then going to sleep

[Meh]

baby dynamics yoga >

so messed up, not sure how this could be real


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq0HpYJ2VQY  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy54gDL74ao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSwIAAFGMiQ

[Twoapenny]

I love this idea. SO happy that nature is demanding that
you allow her to give you something you'll love. You so
deserve the simple joy of growing things, Boat. And it's
wonderful that you'll grow something fresh and great to eat.

I'm going to try too.
I've been going through feeling feeble and old and weak.
I'm only 64! I think it's depression. An odd springtime variant of SAD.
Happens to me every year so I know it'll pass at some point. It's so
counter-intuitive. Just when the weather breaks and the very first
things bloom and suddenly it's sunny, I want to pull covers over my head.

Even on sunny days, I'm not getting outside. Sick of the job.
Sick of missing my daughter. Not feeling well connected with friends.
Allowing aches and pains to persuade me to not bother working outside.
(And I have the aches and pains because I'm not exercising.)

Very excited about one thing, though. Going out of town for two
weeks (almost) next month. One week with a writer friend, who
inspires me. Then a few days+ in the city I lived in when I met my
daughter's father. Old friends there to stay with, and I may connect
with my daughter's father's (my ex's) sisters, who are good people.

Would be good for bio-relatives of my daughter's to know what's
up (they may already to some degree) with her from my perspective.
I'd like to give them my lawyer's card and an idea of how I've arranged
things. If I should become ill or die, her father's sisters will know that
I have left arrangements for her someone should know about.

And, it's my first extended road trip with my pooch. Quite happy
about that. Some of my happiest days years ago were with the dog
I called my "first husband". A truly-huge sweet yellow lab. He would
ride for many miles standing in the back seat with his big head
propped on my right shoulder as I drove. So loved that dog!

And I love my current one. Closest bond I've had with an animal
since him (about 25 years ago). She's bright and the most affectionate
dog I've ever had. Cute, too. Just 20 pounds but she's big inside.

Been having running-away fantasies. I figure I will be working FT
until I am 70 (five years hence) and PT thereafter. I'll survive on a
wee bit as so many people do.

I'm annoyed with my own attitude. Something about losing my
daughter has cracked me inside so I have trouble conjuring up
the gratitude and enthusiasm and bliss-about-nature that I have
usually had access to, at least periodically. I guess I wonder if
anything matters. Have lost my sense of meaning, temporarily.

But thank you for listening. Writing this little whine has eased me
because I think I needed to say it all.

love
Hops

Hey Hopsie,

I think that kind of hearbreak does leave a chasm that we never quite fill up again.  I find things go in waves, it's almost like you can bridge it for a while but then things shift a little and the gap opens up a bit again.  Having to live with that kind of loss is the hardest thing and I still hope so much that your D realises what she has in you and gets in touch.  I hope for her sake as much as yours; I think you'd be a good person for her to have in her life and that things would be better for her if her own problems settled enough for there to be space for you.  We all have our crosses to bear, as they say, it just seems some people have more than others and it's that whole, wow, life just isn't fair sometimes.

I'm glad you have that lovely pooch and I love the idea of that big yellow lab sitting with his head on your shoulder.  Sounds great to get in touch with your former inlaws, we all benefit from good people, I think, however infrequently we might see them, and a little peace of mind that some others know what needs to be done when the time comes is always a good thing.  My heart strings tug for you.  Will be thinking of you and your D.
Love Tup xxx

[Hopalong]

Thank you, ((((Tupp)))).
Once again I learn if I just keep on truckin', those feelings do eventually pass.
I think another part of it was my birthday.

This one launched me into Official Old Age and also, Izzy and I shared the
same bday, and this is the first year I haven't received her goofy, icon-stuffed,
wacky-happy wishes. So I miss Izzy, crazy lady.

But I am well and moving forward.

Hey Boat/Garbanzo--has anything come up in your container pots yet?
What did you plant? Edibles only or any flowers?

hugs
Hops

[Meh]

I am addicted to internet chat rooms, one specifically so because I was made a moderator in the room. Its a gay room. Went there because less quackowhacko heteros males go in there.

I didnt brush my teeth today just because I often do it at work not in the AM but I forgot entirely today

my sheet ass mother wants to meet me this week, but I just saw her last month for... whatever holiday that was

my feet hurt

I am meant to be taking a nap now

not much has changed in my life really

i polished off a carton of icecream for dinner I mean not in one go but I finished it in one go for my eve meal

there is a new hr person at work, we exchanged a glance it was pretty fake and weird  I dont like her