Anything

[Meh]

Hi Two,

yeah it was a bad story, it was just a random deposit here

[Meh]

Mother was just telling me she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer from getting her appendix removed few days ago.

I care it seems, but just how much do I care.... Anyhow.

[Hopalong]

Well, I'm sorry.
It's hard to be deeply moved when something like that happens to a cruel parent.
But then again, we usually find our own humanity during...

I'm sorry this is happening to her, Boat, but especially for the effects on you.

Hope you'll stay true to yourself and do only what is right for you, for your own reasons.

love,
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Mother was just telling me she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer from getting her appendix removed few days ago.

I care it seems, but just how much do I care.... Anyhow.

Sorry to read that, G, it's hard when someone receives bad news and we have mixed emotions - how we really feel, how we feel we ought to feel, what we tell others about how we feel and so on.  I hope the docs are able to help, I hope you are okay too xx

[Meh]

Thanks guys. Appreciated.

I do feel bad for her. Often I think or say like a teenager "I wish the bitch would die". I feel less buoyant though, bad news is never good I guess. She has to have a foot of intestine removed as a preliminary diagnostic step so the docs can look at the veins and lymph nodes.

In the end though our relationship is unhealthy and uncaring. I remind myself that I felt she was doing me a huge favor by giving me a cold stale slice of pizza when I was going through homelessness.

Ultimately I think it's best if I really try to just focus on the tasks I need to do in my own life. Things I usually procrastinate on etc.

She has her brother and her sister who are both millionaires. She is going to be as fine as is possible.

I guess in an ideal family and world it would be normal for me to care more.

It's just slightly confusing. "Okay so you have set this precedent that we don't treat each other well and we don't care, now when you are sick and need somebody to care... do I continue with what you started"

Something tells me that I should act like I care because I do but that I should really make a point of not getting too entwined mentally.

I can be humane to her and myself.  With some distance maybe. But that really is the problem of it all. "The distant parent"

Anyhow I'm just rambling.

This was bound to happen sooner or later, we all get sick. I've been asking myself for a while "how am I gonna feel when they are actually sick and dying".

The outcome of the surgery will probably be okay if it hasn't spread to far and all. It also means she is going to be telling me about all of this stuff. On some level maybe it's unfair of her to put it on me. It's like a street with one way traffic.

There is no winning in this. The only way to win is to try to have a good life without them.

[Twoapenny]

It's very difficult, G, on the one hand there's a relationship that most people wouldn't tolerate for a minute with a partner but when it's your mum it's so much deeper and more complicated.  I have had times when I wished my mum would just pass (and only last week she'd given my sister so much grief that my sister told me she will just feel relieved when the time comes because she's so hard to deal with).  But that said wanting a mum/your mum is such a huge part of who we are and someone being ill like that is horrible for anyone to experience whatever the situation.  Like you say, there's no win or big victory.  We can only do our best and make peace with ourselves as much as possible, I think.  At the very least you know everyone here completely understands how this feels for you so you have somewhere safe to offload.  I hope things aren't too bad at the moment and that you're doing okay xx

[Meh]

Just like that the subject is anything because I don't have a subject. It's just hello as subject.

I think about the board here sometimes though just don't make it on. When I first found the board I was unemployed. Now there isn't a lot of free time.

Life progresses, feels like the rat race, I'm getting older. Etc.

I've decided that I want to spend my summer trying to read as many books as I can, I read on the bus, I read walking down the street, I try. On book number 3 right now. Currently I picked up a book somewhat randomly not knowing the plot or topic, just liked the author. Turns out it's about a librarian who is going through a job lay-off. It's bizarrely relevant to my actual job because they walked a lot of people out escorted by security and police during a down sizing where I work. Tonight I spent an hour in the car with my coworker keeping it real and talking about what's going on, she needed to vent, she is super nice in her 60's. The remaining people including myself got retrained for a new position that we didn't apply for and it's understaffed. Shrug. Shrug Shrug. Whatevs.

Into fiction female authors right now that write a lot about travel,food and there always seems to be a romance. I don't think they are considered romance novels though. Not sure what they are called. Travel, romance and eating fiction. IDK

Same crap as ever with my mother, not being invited to family events. Though I'm used to it.

[Twoapenny]

Just like that the subject is anything because I don't have a subject. It's just hello as subject.

I think about the board here sometimes though just don't make it on. When I first found the board I was unemployed. Now there isn't a lot of free time.

Life progresses, feels like the rat race, I'm getting older. Etc.

I've decided that I want to spend my summer trying to read as many books as I can, I read on the bus, I read walking down the street, I try. On book number 3 right now. Currently I picked up a book somewhat randomly not knowing the plot or topic, just liked the author. Turns out it's about a librarian who is going through a job lay-off. It's bizarrely relevant to my actual job because they walked a lot of people out escorted by security and police during a down sizing where I work. Tonight I spent an hour in the car with my coworker keeping it real and talking about what's going on, she needed to vent, she is super nice in her 60's. The remaining people including myself got retrained for a new position that we didn't apply for and it's understaffed. Shrug. Shrug Shrug. Whatevs.

Into fiction female authors right now that write a lot about travel,food and there always seems to be a romance. I don't think they are considered romance novels though. Not sure what they are called. Travel, romance and eating fiction. IDK

Same crap as ever with my mother, not being invited to family events. Though I'm used to it.

Hi, G, it's nice to hear from you   I often wonder how you are getting on.  The reading situation sounds nice.  The job situation doesn't.  So many stuck in similar positions as well.  I don't know what the answer is.  We all need money to live.  Most of us do jobs we don't enjoy.  It's a tough one.  Your co-worker sounds nice, though. Getting used to not being invited to stuff is probably something we can all identify with, sadly xx

[Meh]

Heya Two,

Thanks, trying to get slightly caught up with people's threads here.

Yeah I'm just taking the job thing day by day and trying to be more chilled about the job in general. Not super worried about it. No control over it. There is fakery going on and corporate executives coming and visiting and having meetings, people we don't know who the heck they are.

[Twoapenny]

Heya Two,

Thanks, trying to get slightly caught up with people's threads here.

Yeah I'm just taking the job thing day by day and trying to be more chilled about the job in general. Not super worried about it. No control over it. There is fakery going on and corporate executives coming and visiting and having meetings, people we don't know who the heck they are.

That's what I don't like about the world of work; the fakeness of so many things and the refusal of many to protect their workers rather than exploiting them.  There's such a push to squeeze every last drop out of employees instead of valuing them and taking care of them.  Makes me sad xx

[Meh]

Yep Two,

We just some cogs at the jobs.

So, the book I am reading now and totally love is "The Bookshop on the Corner" by Jenny Colgan.
The book I just finished a couple days ago by Jenny Colgan is "The Cafe by the Sea" and I loved that too.
The one before which began my summer readathon spree was "Christmas in London" by Anita Hughes. Liked it a lot because of the food, the romance was bleh. If yer gonna write a romance with dudes in it, why not make them fantasy worthy.

I've got a seven stack of unread ones on my night stand.
Rome in Love ~ Anita Hughes
Market Street ~ Anita Hughes
Secrets in Summer ~ Nancy Thayer
The Identicals ~ Elin Hilderbrand
Summer at Little Beach Street Bakery ~ Jenny Colgan
The Loveliest Chocolate Shop ~ Jenny Colgan
Little Beach Street Bakery ~ Jenny Colgan

Anyhow you get the drift. Girl authors, girl themes, pastel book covers, escapism, fantasy, romances, food, travel.. Yeps.

[Twoapenny]

Yep Two,

We just some cogs at the jobs.

So, the book I am reading now and totally love is "The Bookshop on the Corner" by Jenny Colgan.
The book I just finished a couple days ago by Jenny Colgan is "The Cafe by the Sea" and I loved that too.
The one before which began my summer readathon spree was "Christmas in London" by Anita Hughes. Liked it a lot because of the food, the romance was bleh. If yer gonna write a romance with dudes in it, why not make them fantasy worthy.

I've got a seven stack of unread ones on my night stand.
Rome in Love ~ Anita Hughes
Market Street ~ Anita Hughes
Secrets in Summer ~ Nancy Thayer
The Identicals ~ Elin Hilderbrand
Summer at Little Beach Street Bakery ~ Jenny Colgan
The Loveliest Chocolate Shop ~ Jenny Colgan
Little Beach Street Bakery ~ Jenny Colgan

Anyhow you get the drift. Girl authors, girl themes, pastel book covers, escapism, fantasy, romances, food, travel.. Yeps.

Escapism is the key, G!  I don't know any of those authors, I will have a look out for them next time I go to the library.  I like reading crime thrillers; I like the fact that there is always a maverick cop who's a bit of a loner but always puts the victims first and gets the job done.  I think it's the hero I've always wanted   I've got a book that a friend of mine helped to write that I really want to read but I find my brain can't cope with much these days and it's a very detailed account of a personal history (all to do with the Holocaust), with a lot of Eastern European (and therefore unfamiliar) names so I keep forgetting who's who and having to go back and start again   So I've not got very far with that one yet.  I'll keep an eye out for some of the ones you mention, a bit of escapism would do me good, I think x

[Meh]

My coworker recommended Outlander the 600 some odd page book by Diana Gabaldon. It's supposed to be this sexy romance novel. I didn't think it was romantic, it was sort of sadistic and I think the author has a rape and corset fetish. That said it was a page turner and had a pretty good story line. Didn't think I would like something having to do with time travel as it's science fiction. I did like it a lot though. Maybe not loved but liked it. I've now got the second book in the series laying on my floor here, all 740 pages of it with library grime and all. I might read it. Currently binge watching the film series of it on Amazon. I learned halfway through reading the first book that they made a tv series out of it so I'm watching season one TV series to match book one but I'm going to stop before I get ahead of the second book.

I'm half tempted to visit Scotland. Apparently the book has boosted tourism.

Nothing much else going on in my life. Everyday minutia. Work. Drinking coffee. Reading.

[sKePTiKal]

I'm an Outlander fan, Garbanzo. Yes, it does seem that Jamie and Claire have a healthy sex life. 

But their relationship/connection is what I find to be the most interesting (and the history of course, too). You won't start to see much of that until Book 2. And there is the actual sadistic character - Black Jack Randall - that in the tv series (season 2 I believe) - was very very very difficult to watch. Stomach turning and inner Viking invoking at the same time. (The rescue scene was satisfyingly humorous however.) The author's reason for including that - may, IMO - have only been to point out that people like that have existed throughout time and because of the political hierarchy's almost absolute power left even the strong and resourceful at their mercy. There is also a short, but thorough explanation of healing from that experience.

The time travel aspect is only a minor theme in the books/series. Later on, like books 5-8 and 9, there is more exploration of this.

[Meh]

Read The Lost Queen now going back to Outlander still on #

Day of being lazy, cooking and cleaning. Updating my virus protection software etc.... YAWN !!!