Anything

[Brigid]

2 cents,

So what I'm trying to say in my long-winded way is that good can come out of bad. I'm just in the process of really trying to realise that now. (that's what's so agonising when you're depressed or down - you KNOW there's good there but you know it's just out of your reach - grr!) What I've learned is to try to go slower - it's allowed! And to keep on reaching out - help comes from some very unexpected places sometimes.

I'm so happy for you that you are finding this place of comfort and peace.     For one so young you have developed such amazing insight and perspective and so willing to share it with those in need.  I'm so glad you are allowing yourself the time to keep reaching forward and looking for the  good people waiting to come into your life.  You have so much to offer and anyone would be very lucky to have you in their life.  I'm very grateful that you came into mine.  

All of the walking wounded on this site can benefit from seeing that good can come from bad.  What I have learned about myself and others, developing a deeper level of compassion--perhaps not for my abusers (yet), but for others who have been abused, heightened sensitivity to personality types and setting the proper boundaries, beginning to accept that I could actually find real love some day are just a few of the good things that have come my way.  

Living with constant pain, fear and anger can totally drain the spirit and detract the wonderful people who could be waiting to enter your life.  Sometimes seeing the good seems impossible, but as you said, it can be as simple as the 2 lovely doves outside your window.  Keep taking the baby steps.  I have great faith that you will find peace.

(((((((2 cents))))))))))))

Brigid

[Anonymous]

Thankyou 2cents for saying all of that.

Sometimes I wonder if some people just haven't given enough credit to themselves (because it seems n-ish? because they've been taught otherwise?  because they don't believe it will have a good effect to do this sill affirmation stuff?).

If saying nasty things to people, over and over, belittling them, criticizing them, devaluing their ideas, their feelings, their entire worth....causes damage.......then how can countering those ideas....with positive statements.....repeatedly.....NOT help heal repair that damage?

This just makes logical sense to me.  Nasty words/deeds = feel bad
Good words/deeds = feel good.  I know it's not thaaaaaat simple but it is definately close.  It takes work but not exhausting work.....just consistent.

Anyway....enough from me.  I'm glad you are embracing this for you, 2cents, and really giving it your best shot!  It will help!  I have no doubt!   Way to go!  keep trying and learning and applying and you will feel a whole lot better after awhile.

Brigid:  You are so brave!  I just had to say it!  

(((((((((2cents))))))))  (((((((((Brigid)))))))))

GFN

[2cents]

Brigid,

Thanks for all your kindness - it means  a lot to me!

I will share more of my story as I find more of my own 'voice' - all my life I've been very elliptical when trying to talk about feelings and my life and it's a hard habit to break...

I admire your courage and bravery and honesty in confronting the aftermath of your relationship, and good things will come to you, because you are working hard to see the good in things.

For myself, I can see the good around me intellectually, but I can't allow myself to touch it/ reach it yet. It's what I mean about neutrality vs positivity, or maybe passivity vs action is more accurate to say. I've tried therapy and making myself do things rather than just saying in bed, but without the right INTENT. 'Baby steps" sounds so trite sometimes, but it's the cumulative effect that's important. At the moment, I think I have to go back and look at my life again, and just try to be kinder to myself about certain things, and TRULY look for the positives instead of lumping everything together into one big negative mess.

It's hard work, but necessary, and coming here and seeing and hearing what everyone is dealing with and how everyone is dealing really helps.

(((((Brigid)))))

2cents

[2cents]

GFN,

You give a lot of help and encouragement to a lot of people here. You are a very kind soul. Just to let you know that it's appreciated,

((()))

2cents

[Anonymous]

Thankyou 2cents.

That is very nice of you to say.  I really appreciate it.
You have touched me, with your kind words.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really helping or encouraging, or if it might be taken another way.  But then later.....someone will post how what I said helped.....and I feel glad again and especially happy that they feel better.  I really do not want to hurt anyone's feelings or say the wrong thing to anyone, but I know I will make mistakes, just like in the rest of life.

I admire you, 2cents, for looking for the positives, rather than lumping everything in one big negative mess.  You will find some good things too!  You'll will say:  "well, at least I learned this or that", or "he did do such and such, which was kind of nice", or "she does have whatnot quality, which I admire and makes her not allllll bad"....or things like that.

It's so hard to find something good/nice about some people/events, but usually there's something.  At the very least, most negative stuff teaches us something, at least to avoid in future, or to correct.  Keep working at it, 2cents, and you'll get there!
It's a good goal and far more productive than thinking negative, hopeless, etc thoughts much of the time.  Glad you're here!!!  

GFN

[Anonymous]

I Believe

I believe- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe- that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Annonymous


Have a great weekend all!!!

GFN

[Brigid]

GFN,

Thank you for the poem.  As I was reading it, I kept thinking--Oh, that is the most important one, no the next one is the most important,-- and on it goes.  I guess its all important and something we need to give more consideration to.

How's gardening in the Great White North??  My tulips are in bloom, but I don't have nearly enough to make a nice bouquet.  Can you send some over from Holland 2 Cents?  Is it the season there now?  I know they just had Tulipfest in Holland, Michigan last weekend.

2 cents,
You are more than welcome.  I'm so glad you are sharing some of your story with us.  I hope the time will come when it becomes more comfortable for you to do so.  I know you will get there.

Bless you both.

(((((((GFN)))))))))))    ((((((((((2 cents))))))))))))

Brigid

[Butterfly as Guest]

After reading the posts here, they remind me that it doesn't take any effort at all for negativity to thrive.  They grow like weed.   On the other hand, having a positive mindset takes lots of work and deliberate effort on our part.  The negative always tries to choke up the positive.  It doesn't take any work for weeds to grow in a garden.  They just sprout up on their own and always a nuisance.  But, roses don't grow without TLC (tender loving care).  In the same way, positive thinking takes cultivation and nurturing, while negative thinking takes no effort at all.  No wonder it's so easy to be negative and so hard to be and stay positive.  At least it is for me.

Also, another thing I've realized about myself recently is that the reason why I often feel like I'm trudging in the hot, arid desert is b/c all along I've been looking down at the sticking sand.  I didn't even think to look up at the endless, clear blue sky right above me.  Clouds come and go, but the blue sky is always right behind it.  So if anyone feels like they are trudging in the desert, remember to look up more often at the blue sky.  It is a much happier view.

Perhaps I'm rambling here...just want to share my 2$

Butterfly

[Brigid]

Butterfly,

just want to share my 2$

I guess your opinion has a higher value than most of us who only charge 2 cents.    

You are absolutely right about the effort involved with having a positive mindset.  Your analogy with weeds and roses is a good one  and I know how hard it is to grow roses.  

If being happy and positive was easy, we'd all be doing it and never have to pretend.  Something worth having takes time and effort.

Just my 25 cents worth.  I think we need to raise our rates.  

Brigid

[Butterfly as Guest]

Brigid, you're too funny    

If we all put our cents together we'll be quite rich and can share the wealth with each other.  Oh yeah, I think that's what we are all doing on this board.  From where I'm standing, that is quite a beautiful sight

Butterfly

[2cents]

Just to let y'all know that MY rates are in EURO cents!    

BTW Brigid, there all ALWAYS tulips in Holland! I'll send ya a big bunch plus some of the flowers from this tree outside my window which really are quite beautiful.

2cents

[Anonymous]

Hi all:

Hey Brigid!  I did the same thing when I first read:  "I believe". ...."Oh, yes, that one is important!...No wait...That one is even more important!...  Wait, wait!!  This one is too!!"

All stuff we have to try to remember to remind ourselves, eh?

Well....re gardening up here......it's very strange this year.  It got very, warm, very suddenly....and everything starting coming up.  Then....it flippin' snowed!!!!  (which melted the next day...but you can imagine the poor plants....the shock.....the terror.....the confusion).  I think we're having N-weather!  

Nevertheless, my tulips have heads and look like they are soon going to bloom.  I see flowers coming on my peonies and some of my ground covers are getting pinky and purpley!  Even plants can survive the N-system!!!

Butterfly:

In the same way, positive thinking takes cultivation and nurturing, while negative thinking takes no effort at all. No wonder it's so easy to be negative and so hard to be and stay positive.

Wow!!!  That should be published in all psychology books!!  Yes....negative thinking....noxious weeds.....positive thinking.....roses/beautiful flowers!   What a wonderful comparison!!  I bet your garden is lovely!!!

I do admit...some weeds are lovely too (I have a whole field I keep throwing seed into....it's full of the most gorgeous....weeds....and I keep adding more and more "wild flowers" to it.  It is breath taking in late June/early July).  So, thinking negatively can be a good thing...in a way sometimes...I think.  At times when I need to release feelings that are tormenting me....it actually helps to think negatively for a bit and just let all it all out.    And....there is always some positive to be seen, if you ask me, in even the most negative stuff (like weeds).

I do agree though....it takes way more time, effort, energy...at first....to focus on positives and thinking positive stuff.  After awhile....I do believe it becomes more of a habit than not.  LIke the glorious roses in full bloom (mine look like they all died this winter   ).....after cultivation and nuturing, much care and attention......they do come out in a maginificent display.....much like the benefits of positive thinking can be a great beauty in our lives.   (And a cold, harsh winter.....can dampen or even kill such fantastic flowering plants.....as our positive thinking gets dampened or killed by cold, harsh treatment too).

But.........we can always plant a new bush, work up the ground, feed and water it well.....and before we know it......another gorgeous thing is growing that will only add pleasure and beauty to our lives.

And that......was a lot of rambling......for any one Saturday morning......

Enjoy you're day/rest of week end all!!!

GFN

[Brigid]

2 cents,

Just to let y'all know that MY rates are in EURO cents!

Having been in Paris a few months ago, I know that I cannot afford your advice.     Although, still not as bad as the pound in London.  I hope you Brits don't think your advice is actually worth what you're charging.  

I had no idea what I was spending for things over there until my credit card bill came through.  YIKES!!!  Oh well, it was a wonderful experience and one I hope to repeat many times again.

Brigid

[mum]

Ok, since this is the Anything thread, I can go here (with inspiration of the Euro).  I saw the movie "Millions" last night.  It's not showing everywhere here in the states.  Except for a rather untidy ending, it's a great little film.  Anyone see it? (two brothers and a bag of money)

[Anonymous]

Hi all:

Haven't seen that one Mum.  I'll have to look for it.

On my way out for the evening now.  Spotted this and just wanted to share it:

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Bob Hope


Now there was a guy who knew what he was talking about!!  Sure did his share of transforming eh?  God bless his resting soul!!
 
GFN