most narcissistic comments ever

[(DRE)]

He says, talking about himself as usual while out w/friends..."Yeah, (DRE) is a pretty smart woman...she MAY even be smarter than me!"

After my sister asks him why he harassess me about losing weight..."I'm trying to HELP her, not HURT her!"

To further "HELP" me, he asks if I need a personal trainer, or if we should see each other less so I have MORE time for the gym.

We were both moderate smokers. After I was sick one weekend, he comes over with Nyquil, Smoking patches (to quit) and "whitening strips" for my teeth. My illness was from "smoking" per him. Better yet he tells me smoking is for losers. This coming from someone who smoked at least a pack a day....and chewed

[catlover]

After I posted in this thread about my Nmother's "Wizard of Oz" sign on her home office, I came across a book called "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists."  What a hoot!!!

[miaxo]

Of course its obvious now, probably comes under the label of one of those things you wished you'd said , but if he was bragging about being such a great provider it seems like he ought to have been charming you to increase the child support not decrease it. Typical N.

I often will think, "I wish I said this or said that."  However, with X N it really doesn't matter what I have to say b/c nothing I say ever sinks in with him.  Actually it's not just me.....he rarely if ever listens to anyone's opinion.

Another one of his comments:

This one was said during our marriage (three years into it) before the children were born.  We were doing very financially (both working) and he was making $$ hand over fist.  About one month before Christmas he came home from work and announced to me that *we* would not be buying Christmas presents for any family (Moms, Dads, brothers, etc).  He said, "We are going to have a frugal Christmas, call everyone and let them know."  He must have repeated the word, frugal about three times.  

Gosh, was I an idiot to even have children with this sad excuse for a man.

I am thankful though that I am no longer under his *control*.  My mission these days to limit his influence on the children.  It's not their fault...I brought them into this mess and now it's up to me to constantly conduct damage control.

[October]

Last  night spoke to ex and told him that what he did a couple of weeks ago ruined Cs birthday for her, and hurt both her and me, and that he has to apologise to her for that.  His reply?  'I didn't do it on purpose.'

[Anonymous]

October:

Your ex N "didn't do it on purpose"?  I would hate to see what a "birthday" would look like if he put his "mind" to it?  What a jerk.  He didn't remember your child crying because her birthday was ruined?

Mia:

Your ex N is to classic for words.  I loved the part where he went to the therapist twice and was "cured".  He belongs on "Ripley's Believe It or Not".  Patz

[Portia]

October, just    to that.

I'm mulling over the latest email I've received which includes:
"You are certainly in a very serious minded phase of your life.  I remember when I was there.  I don't mean that in a patronising way but now I've moved on to..."

Can I just say here, because I'm not going to say it to her: I am not a carbon copy of you! I am not you! I am a separate individual with my own VERY SERIOUS thoughts, feelings, experiences and perceptions and I will not allow you to belittle me like this!   I scrape it off and throw it away! I have every damn right to be serious, this is about my survival as a person! I count, my thoughts count to me, even if not to you!

Thanks. Do you think I over-react? I do wonder. Also, I have to read the email several times to even understand and react emotionally. On first reading all I feel is confused. Mind you, at the point where she asked me what did I study at college, was it x or x, I did feel a bit sick. She did come to the stupid ceremony etc. Yeuch. I should hit 'delete' I know.

Editing in: it comes down to this: any hint of hearing anything that remotely smells of "I am better than you" (and the 'you' here needn't be me, it could be on behalf of anyone) and I do tend to hit the roof. And the 'better than' could be 'more {anything} than'.

October, your ex saying that, to me translates to: I'm not to blame, it's not my fault, I take no responsibility because the world is wrong and I'm right, therefore I am 'better than'! Sheeeesh. These people. At least the anger subsides quicker these days (lop-sided wry smile)

[vunil]

"You are certainly in a very serious minded phase of your life. I remember when I was there. I don't mean that in a patronising way but now I've moved on to..."

Oh, man!  The more enlightened-than-thou comment!  The new age version of narcissisim.  No, you aren't overreacting; that is a really arrogant comment.  How does he know he isn't way behind you in the path to (whatever)?  He assumes he has "moved on" to the more wonderful "phase".


Reminds me of three months ago when I had my awakening about all of this stuff (or started to) and ordered a bunch of books on N and was reading on-line and in my old psych. books while trying to communicate (to no avail) with my N parents.  It was really a heady time, important for me, full of revelations.

Ok, so I told a friend a little of what I was going through. She is younger than I am, and (I realize now, with my blinders off) pretty N.  I used to like when she told me how the world was.  But this time I am telling her about my parents' reactions to my revelations of abuse, about what I was realizing about my childhood, and she said (ahem):

Isn't it great when you get to that point? And what's really great is when you able to move on from it.   I had that exact thing 4 years ago.



(cold wet blanket in face)

I knew her 4 years ago and don't remember anything like this.  And anyway people's phases and revelations will be different from each others'-- why does mine have to perfectly mirror hers?  In fact, I wish she would have a revelation so we could remain friends  Now all she does is lecture me and correct me.

[catlover]

Thank you, thank you, thank you Vunil and Portia for pointing out the "New Age Narcissism."  

That stuff helped keep me voiceless for a looongg time.  Going to college in California with what I like to call "fake hippies" I heard that crap all the time, and I believed it.  "You're too sensitive."  "You're too serious."  "Well, if you choose to let that bother you."   "Mellow out - go with the flow."  BLAH BLAH BLAH!!  BULLSH*T!!!!  

Unfortunately a lot of so-called "self-help" books have that kind of crap in them too, which really did a number on me for many years.  Especially one called "Your Erroneous Zones" by Wayne Dyer.  Basically he says that any negative emotions you have are useless, you create them yourself, you can choose to make them go away.  I was 12 when I read it and took it to heart - too bad for me!!

[October]

I'm mulling over the latest email I've received which includes:
"You are certainly in a very serious minded phase of your life.  I remember when I was there.  I don't mean that in a patronising way but now I've moved on to..."

Suggested response:

'Thank you so much for your email.  It brings back fond memories indeed.  I too remember when I thought I had moved beyond being serious minded to a higher state of consciousness, and when I thought that being patronising was actually beneficial for those who had to listen to the garbage I spoke, and that I was better than anyone around me, and the centre of the Universe.  

And then I began nursery school.'

 

[October]

Isn't it great when you get to that point? And what's really great is when you able to move on from it.   I had that exact thing 4 years ago.

Possible response: "That's amazing!  I too had an experience just like that; 8 years ago I thought my situation exactly paralleled someone else's, and I told them so, but it turns out that in reality it was nothing like it.  I was being incredibly selfish in thinking it did, and denying the reality of their situation in order to feel superior to them, and to save having to do anything at all to help."

    (This is fun!!!)

[sleepyhead]

October: Would you like to come and live in my brain, so that I will always have a snappy comeback when people are being a**holes?

Gwyn: "So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive/And I'd like to stay that way"-Jewel. When I first came across these lines a few months ago, they completely blew me away. What, it's okay to be sensitive? It is actually a trait we might want to keep? Like you, I had too often come into contact with the word sensitive with the word too in front of it.

[Portia]

Isn't it great when you get to that point? And what's really great is when you able to move on from it. I had that exact thing 4 years ago.

Oh boy. Yeah! I’m shaking my head. Oh Vunil, it’s my mother being the all-knowing one. Note the word PHASE. Like me thinking is ‘just a phase’. Ha, no doubt I’ll grow out of it then?  And become a more amenable little object? Sorry, having a regression today. Grrr...

Gwyn: any sentence that starts “You’re too…” and really, we should just walk away shouldn’t we, and save our blood pressure?

You’re too: serious/silly, mature/immature, quiet/talkative, strange/ordinary, sane/crazy whatever….it’s all the same put-down stuff. Even “chill-out” can annoy me coz it’s usually a command when you’re not even annoyed to start with!   That’s funny.

Yep, a lot of self-help books could be in a new section called self-harm, or “Read this book and do what I tell you so that I make loads of cash” subtitled: “and it’s very dangerous to think for yourself, so don’t do it!”.

Haha! October I just read your replies, you’re toooo coooool, I want you to be the little imp on my shoulder if/when I speak to her. I want you to whisper those things to me so that I just laugh raucously! Ahhhh that’s so much better, thanks

[October]

October: Would you like to come and live in my brain, so that I will always have a snappy comeback when people are being a**holes?
 

I think it could be a new game.  The rules are; you listen to them, laugh inside, and then play the 'I'm a bigger, better N than you are' game.  

And you have to agree with everything they say; the more bits you agree with, the more points you get.  

[mum]

Yeah, sleepy head, you're so right!  October, I need you in my brain as well.  And I love the line from Jewel.  I too, (everyone here, perhaps?) has heard the line: you're TOO sensitve...get a thicker skin!  From those who love us and hate to see us hurt, and from those who don't who love to see us hurt (from that comment, even!)

Here is another N line: from my (N) friend who is anticipating a bad experience when she has to again work near someone she had a huge falling out with (she has a lot of those): "I don't know what I will do when I see him again! I don't know if I can handle it!" my response: "Perhaps by then you will have found some way to help you deal....you'll be able to do it" (was I being condescending? I didn't think so, I thought I was encouraging)
Her response: 'oh, it's not like you and (exN), this is UNRESOLVED STUFF, way more important than what you and (exN) are dealing with!!!"

And here's where I have a great (very rare for me) October response:
"Your'e absolutely right!  You don't have kids with him and he is not preventing you from leaving the state!!!"

[mum]

Oh, and back to Mia: once again, are you sure we weren't married to the same guy??? Lets refrain from calling ourselves stupid for having kids with those guys, though OK?  (even though we were).......
We are smart, because we have those wonderful kids to share our lives with and WE will be the ones to show them how to be reslient, self loving and powerful....how's that? (actually you said that)...
Now if I could just get the reduction in child support response memorized....