The good thing about having N relations is ...

[October]

... you don't need to watch soap operas for real over the top drama in your living room.

... you never need to worry about what you say or do - it will always be the wrong thing anyway.

... buying mother's/father's day cards has you in stitches reading the soppy verses, as you reach for one that only says 'happy mother's/father's day'.  

... you never have to worry about being the centre of attention.  Even at your own wedding.  

... once you escape, they can't get you back.    And they don't even know that you've gone.  

... any other suggestions??????

[vunil]

If you are able to escape becoming N yourself, then you will always be able to empathize with people who have less,  who are not loved, who have had to struggle.  Because, regardless of how perfectly perfect your home life may have looked to the outside world, inside it was a lonely place and you suffered.

[P as guest]

The good thing about having N relations is ... at some point, if you're lucky, you realise that life is way too short to willingly spend it with people you don't like and who hurt you. You give up trying to understand them, hoping they'll change and instead focus on yourself.

[kevin]

The good thing about having an N relation is:

Sorry, drawing an absolute blank. Perhaps it is fantasizing what life would be like with someone who gave a damn.

[promqueencasualty]

...you are more likely to rejoice in and appreciate the people in your life who DO love you for who you are.

...you don't have to conduct a job search based on locale in order to "stay close to your family"(at least I won't!).

(this next one is a little brutal, but it's where my head is at after having dealt with my family's latest outburst):

...if the Nrelative in question is older(chronologically) than you are, you can hope that the "natural" progression of things ensues and they predecease you, leaving you with some vestiges of peace during the rest of your time on this planet!

[Jaded911]

You learn what all your weaknesses are.  You have no other choice then to learn what your vulnerabilities are when the N works at them 24/7 to drag you down to there level.  I think at this point is where you either sink or swim.

I realized my weaknesses and chose to not let him manipulate me for the rest of my life.  Had I of stayed my life would have been a short miserable one.

[Kaz]

The good thing about having N relations is:

...knowing that I don't want to be like them

[October]

The good thing about having an N relation is:

Sorry, drawing an absolute blank. Perhaps it is fantasizing what life would be like with someone who gave a damn.

Don't worry about not being able to think of anything.  Took me ages as well.  ((((((hugs))))))  At least you can tell the difference between people who care and those who don't!!

[Anonymous]

October:

I know the best thing about having N relatives, friends:

The realization you are normal and they ain't.  Patz

[delphine]

1)You don't have to worry about hurting your family's feelings; they don't really have any
2)You'll meet great people while healing; there really is fun in dysfunctional
3) When people discuss the eccentricities of their famillies, you usually have the best story to tell
4) when you become a parent you know a whole lot about what NOT to do
5) you can give an insightful dinner party analysis on Adolf Hitler or other world dictators
6) you can spell words like boundary and codependent without looking them up
7) you don't miss them when they are not around, or, if you do, anything on the soap channel will substitute
You can make people who claim that their families are boring run home and kiss their mom by describing your childhood
9) When movies like Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood come out, you can impress friends by knowing what the mom will say and do before she does it
10) If ever hard up for cash, you can sell your story to the Star, Globe, or National Enquirer

[chutzbagirl - reply]

The best things about having N relatives are:

 - I don't have to worry about making the same parenting mistakes my N mother made.  I make my own, but they are not on the same richter scale.

- I have learned what "crazy" looks like.  

- I have learned the vital importance of truth.

- Being lazy about my growth and healing is not an option...I am desperate for health and loving relationships.

Chutzbagirl

[Anonymous]

-It does make you stronger, (if it doesn't kill you first).

   

-It taught me the value of solitude.

And  

-It gives me something to work away from (things not to do, how not to be etc).

GFN

[jondo]

I ponder what is better.
Being raised by abusive N's or
being raised by normal parents and being an unwitting victim to an N later in life - worst case scenario, your spouse.
In my case, in some ways it's been an asset having been raised by abusive N's because I know and recognize N's everywhere - and stay away from them.  They even sense I know their game.
My sympathies to the innocents that discover this madness much later.

[October]

You can make people who claim that their families are boring run home and kiss their mom by describing your childhood

Loved your whole list, Delphine, but this one had me falling off my chair laughing out loud!!!!!!  

Thanks for those!!!!!!

[mum]

The best part of having an N relation, who you had kids with (and LEFT), is that your kids get multiple choices on how to do life!
1)
a) love and possibility
b) fear and lack

2)
a) compassion and openmindedness
b) anger and control

etc etc