suicide

[Brigid]

Write,

I'll never keep anyone in my life again who hurts me or makes me feel bad.

You Go Girl!

I'm so glad you're feeling a little better.  I hope you felt all the prayers and good thoughts being directed your way.  We are pulling for you and would never want to lose one of our own.

Make sure you keep us posted as we want to know that you're OK.

Brigid

[Kaz]

I think I'll be ok

That's so good to hear.
Be kind to yourself for a while Write, and please still tell someone that you were contemplating suicide.

[Butterfly]

I'm so glad to hear that you will be okay   Even if you're are not at this point, then that's ok, too.  Personally, I think you will be more than okay.  You are a conquerer.  A resilient warrior    

Do you find allowing yourself to be angry helpful?  For me, I use to hold in all my feelings and not allow myself to feel the pain b/c I felt I was at fault for whatever brought on my unhappiness.  But now, I'm learning that giving my repressed pains a voice helps sooth my wounded spirit.  For me, the aftermath feeling I get from being rightfully angry is like feeling the calm after a raging storm.  It's a peaceful feeling.  The calm after the storm, sort of speak.

Butterfly

[Anonymous]

Hi write,

And my way to try to not let it destroy me was to 'turn the other cheek', to try to be perfect.

We only have two cheeks right? Well, technically four but lets keep it clean.  You were out of cheeks to turn a long time ago. Now its time to keep your cheeks and yourself safe from these abusers.

I feel bad for being this angry person and for telling people to get out of my life,

Please try and feel good for being angry. The one who said 'turn the other cheek' often got angry at evil. Being angry for a reason shows you're human. That's a good thing. Telling them to get out is also a good thing. It means your spirit for survival is getting stronger.
There are a lot of people on your side, who care.
And like Kaz said please tell someone you thought about suicide if you haven't already.

mudpup

[Anonymous]

Oh Write!

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling a little better!
Keep yourself busy and don't let that cloud come back!

I hope you will post and post ....rant and rave if you need to...and just do whatever is necessary to continue feeling better.  Keep talking to your friend, too, if you can.

I also hope, as others have said, that you will find someone to speak with about this stuff.  Don't try to do it all alone.  Get as much help as you can because it will only make you feel better, in the long run.  Others who understand and want to support you are a good thing!

My prayers especially for you tonight.
I will be away for the week end, so I will extend that to ....this week end.

God Bless you ((((((((Write!)))))))

GFN

[write]

I am so glad you were all there for me last night and today.

I've booked a therapy appointment and also talked to some friends.

The suicidal feelings have passed, I feel exhausted and like I'm a bad person, and unbelievably guilty because I've hurt and let down other people- yes, I know that's crazy.

[Anonymous]

The suicidal feelings have passed, I feel exhausted and like I'm a bad person, and unbelievably guilty because I've hurt and let down other people- yes, I know that's crazy.

Thank goodness, to the first part!      

Take care of yourself, good and innocent person, to the second part.
Please keep us posted on your progress.

mudpuppy

[Learn Guest]

((((((((((((((((Write)))))))))))))))))

I'm so happy you are taking care of yourself and reaching out.  

I don't think those feelings you have are crazy...they are just leftover baggage from all the abusive messages you have been given in your life.  I'm glad you are questioning them though!

Learning

[promqueencasualty]

I feel bad for being this angry person and for telling people to get out of my life, but I know that self-preservation is something I have to learn.

I'll never keep anyone in my life again who hurts me or makes me feel bad.

Anger is GOOD, Write!!! You have every right to be angry with those horrible people---you're standing up for yourself by not allowing these destructive forces to remain in your life. You're too valuable!!!! This is GREAT news--you have taken a huge step in a positive direction. Please seek-out your friends---surround yourself with loving, caring people this weekend, and steer clear of anyone who does not have your well-being first and foremost in their hearts. And please, seek the help of a caring professional(even if you're feeling better---let's build on this momentum).

Please keep posting over the weekend---I am keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers.

PQC

[longtire]

I am so glad you were all there for me last night and today.

I've booked a therapy appointment and also talked to some friends.

The suicidal feelings have passed, I feel exhausted and like I'm a bad person, and unbelievably guilty because I've hurt and let down other people- yes, I know that's crazy.

write, it isn't crazy.  There are reasons you view and believe things the way you do.  With support and a good therapists help you can figure out those reasons and choose different ways to do things.  Of course, all of this does NOT mean any of that nasty self-talk is true.  "Bad" people simply do not admit their weaknesses and reach out to others for help, support and caring the way you have.  I also know that realizing this doesn't just make those feelings go away, either.  I look at what you've done as the most loving thing anyone could possibly do to take care of write.  Still have you in my prayers.

[Anonymous]

write:

So glad you are posting to keep us updated.  When you stand up for yourself it is an alien feeling.  It is something you probably haven't done before.  Just seek out postive people who want only the best for you.  There is no need for servitude to people at any level.  Also glad to see you are seeking out a therapist.  I see nothing but progress ahead.  We are here for you.

Patz

[longtire]

write, I hope you had a better evening last night.

write:

So glad you are posting to keep us updated.  When you stand up for yourself it is an alien feeling.  It is something you probably haven't done before.  Just seek out postive people who want only the best for you.  There is no need for servitude to people at any level.  Also glad to see you are seeking out a therapist.  I see nothing but progress ahead.  We are here for you.

Patz

Patz, it IS such an alien feeling to stand up for yourself.  I question myself every single time I defend my boundaries or take action that is good for me. Fortunately, I talk myself back into being OK. It helps to remind myself that what I've done in the past that felt like the "right" thing to do has worked out pretty crappy. I need to do something different to get different, hopefully much better, results.

[October]

The suicidal feelings have passed, I feel exhausted ...

Try to rest as much as you can.  This is an exhausting thing to go through, and it will have taken a lot out of you.  Well done for being so strong!!!!!

I am really pleased you made it through, and that you have found support.