What's your take on this?

[Anonymous]

mia and vunil,
I've got an overflowing file of very similar e-mails myself.
The only difference is my brother would almost never capitalize or punctuate anything. The message I always got from it was, 'you're not important enough for me to even go to the trouble of holding the shift key down.'
Funny how many subtle variations on the same theme they come up with.

mudpup

[vunil as guest]

Mudpup-- It could also be "I am in such a rage dominated by my pathologies that I can't stop typing all of this crazy nonsense long enough to punctuate."

You might look into paranoid personality disorder, too-- your lovely brother has some of those tendencies, it seems.  Not that there is a cure, but sometimes knowing there are others out there helps.  I have a colleague with it, I just realized (I knew something was really wrong but just realized what it is).  In some ways it is harder to deal with than NPD, although the one thing that makes it easier is that others can tell the person is nuts.  They tend to respond to things that aren't really happening, which is pretty easy to spot.  With NPD a lot of times strangers find them wonderful, which can be infuriating!  And if they can stop thinking the therapist is the enemy I do think paranoids sometimes go to therapy.

But not if they are also narcissistic, alas.

[Brigid]

Mudpup,

'you're not important enough for me to even go to the trouble of holding the shift key down.'

I howled at this.  

Definitely an entry to the most N comments ever.  

Mia,
The man is a lunatic.  I loved Vunil's comebacks, esp the line about Dennis.  She should write your material for you.  I wish I could be that quick and clever.  It would definitely come in handy with my H.

Brigid

[mudpuppy]

Hi Brigid,

'you're not important enough for me to even go to the trouble of holding the shift key down.'
 
Definitely an entry to the most N comments ever.

He didn't actually say that, that is the impression I thought he was trying to convey to me. The 'quotation marks' probably threw you off. My fault.

A friend of mine was also quite insulted by one of these types of e-mails.

Thanks vunil,
I'll check that out. I would absolutely love to get my brother into a psychological exam with a competent shrink, hopefuly court appointed.

mudpup

[Anonymous]

I was thinking of bringing X N's email into the children's therapy session on Monday to give her  a better feel for what I have to actually deal with on a daily basis.  

Good or bad move?

Keep in mind he was court ordered to contact this therapist and was in contempt of court.  His excuse:  I didn't give him the phone #.  He had his attorney write that up in a letter to my attorney.  How's about opening a phone book, buddy???  Just like I did.  UGH!

Mia

[Anonymous]

I was thinking of bringing X N's email into the children's therapy session on Monday to give her  a better feel for what I have to actually deal with on a daily basis.  

Good or bad move?

Good move. I'd do it.

bunny

[vunil as guest]

Yes!  He could have prevented this from happening by.... not writing that e-mail in the first place.  Write an e-mail, someone might show it to someone else.  That's how it works.

[Stormchild]

do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it...

...let him speak for you. Much more convincing than you trying to paraphrase it. The pathology should jump right up and smack 'em in the eye.

good luck Mia, good luck.

[vunil as guest]

PS:  Heh heh heh

(sorry, I just love the thought of this guy being exposed for what he is.)

What would make you not bring it?  I guess instead of dancing around the fire as we are we should ask you what you're thoughts/feelings are...?

[promqueencasualty]

I echo the prevailing sentiment: take the letter to the therapist, let this creep incriminate himself with his own pen(or keyboard).

I'm thinking about you and sending you strength---


PQC

[Anonymous]

What would make you not bring it? I guess instead of dancing around the fire as we are we should ask you what you're thoughts/feelings are...?

I have always used his emails for court and have exposed some of his shenanigans to the Judge which worked in my favor. However, I'm hesitant to do same with the therapist b/c I don't want it to backfire and be viewed by the T as trying to blind side X N.    And will T just see it as animosity between X N and myself??  I guess I should have more faith in her abilities and know that she will see him at minimum as being paranoid.  

I'm going to make a copy of the email and give it to her.  Like Storm said, he can do the talking for me and as a result I won't come off as the one bashing him.  

BTW this is how I responded to his email.....don't know whether it was good or bad....probably a waste of time.

Your escalating level of paranoia is of great concern.  Your attempt to intimidate is pathetic.

Borrowing from Mud, it will probably go in one pig hole and out the other.

Mia

[mum]

Oh, Boy, Mia.  When I read your first post, my stomache flipped and I had the same panic reaction that I have when my ex sends me emails.  They are clones! Truly unbelievable, it's as if he wrote it.  Same aggressive tone, same threats.... Scary, sick, wack jobs.  And yes, I know you have to deal with him... and I know why you don't just get in his face....the kids.  They use our good mothering against us always.  But that's ok.  It's something they also hate about us and something they will never control (that's whythey hate it!).
I would not bring that email in to the counselor  and then  give her your opnion of it.  At least in my state, everybody is all paranoid about Parental Alienation Syndrome (it's a crock, and a real pain to deal with in the courts...but it gets thrown around a lot).  You told me before that you have usually prevailed by staying focused on the kids.  I think you should stick with that.
If you do take it to the counselor, talk to your lawyer first. The counselor you refer to  is the kid's counselor, right? (not yours?).  This may make a difference.  We ALL know that this stuff indirectly affects the children 9all us sane people anyway)........but I woul be treading  lightly, because in this good ol boy state, women/mothers are always suspected of being bitter (regardless of how abusive the nut job father is).

My technique for dealing with that crap?  "recieved email". THAT'S IT!
Let your lawyer be your boundary....that's what I have recently learned to do to take care of myself emotionally.
You might then say: "recieved email, forwarded to  my attorney."

Bless you Mia.......and judging from the other posts we are not the only ones having to deal with this crap on a daily basis. Strenght in numbers!
MUM

[bunny]

However, I'm hesitant to do same with the therapist b/c I don't want it to backfire and be viewed by the T as trying to blind side X N.

I don't know this therapist but if she is a decent one she won't put bad motives on you. She will appreciate that you shared this.

I would not reply to any provocative, as he will know he pushed your buttons. I would keep him in the dark completely.

bunny

[Jaded911]

IMHO.....I would not take the email into the therapist as of yet.  These are the reasons why I wouldnt pull that card at this time.

First and foremost if the therapist is any kind of a therapist, they should know what NPD is and what it is to deal with a Narci on a daily basis.  I would drop the N word first to the therapist theeeeen when the therapist begins to assess your character you could pull out the email.  I just feel that it might give your version a little bit more credibility.  You know how narci's can feed some people  a line of bullchit a mile long.  Well if this therapist is worth their name on a piece of paper, they will know all to well what games Narcis play and they wont partake in his tangled bunch of bullchit.

[d's mom]

They use our good mothering against us always.  But that's ok.  It's something they also hate about us and something they will never control (that's whythey hate it!).

At least in my state, everybody is all paranoid about Parental Alienation Syndrome (it's a crock, and a real pain to deal with in the courts...but it gets thrown around a lot).  .... I woul be treading  lightly, because in this good ol boy state, women/mothers are always suspected of being bitter (regardless of how abusive the nut job father is).

mia: this may be more info than you are looking for - but i would take a skim on some of these sites just for your own education, in addition to asking the lawyer first... after what happened to me in the 'system' i did an awful lot of research (i chair a NOW task force now, specifically to address abusers manipulating the system - they are extremely good at it)  - mum is entirely correct about PAS. its not 'real', but its very easy to get labeled so its beneficial to be aware. i would talk to the therapist, but i would do some research first.

the learning curve is steep, and knowlege really is power. these are chock-full of hints and experience of others so you dont have to 'reinvent the wheel'. thousands of abusers in -every- state are using (or trying to use) the legal system as their personal playground to continue to abuse. its very very common. they have lost all other forms of control and the legal arena is all they have left to use against their former target.

its tempting to think his behavior is as obvious to others as it is to you - but that isnt always the way that it works out.... so, forewarned is forarmed. (and yes mudpuppy, four-armed is half an octopus)

good luck mia :} > hope you find something useful..
anna


<http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/>

<http://www.kourtsforkids.org/>

<http://www.mothers-of-lost-children.com/>

<http://www.protectiveparents.com/>