Does someone know of a good sexual abuse support site?

[bunny]

Hi Denise,

I understand that when Race came, you felt like someone was going to handle the situation and get you help so you wouldn't be alone with your feelings. Then Race told you something but you can't remember it or didn't comprehend it. Maybe you're afraid to phone Race and tell them that you were too panicked at the time to understand what was said, and ask them. But I think they'd be nice to you.  We are thinking about you and not forgetting you.

bunny

[Anonymous]

I wasnt actually given there number, they are contacted through my doctor, and they are only a short term thing, basically its for people who get that desperate they want to end it all, theres 1 number i was given and thats for putting in complaints about foster care and people abused in care, i am not ready to deal with that issue yet as it is so big, then its got ring EDT or ring CADT, I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THESE ARE ABBREVIATED FOR, i typed them in on here i think one is an emergency duty team, maybe thats race i am not sure, at the moment i need to deal with the child sex abuse, hopefully by the end of the month i will know what will be the outcome, if hes prosecuted or not, then i can move on to the next issue, i suppose writing things down will help, cos so many memories pop up unexpected and i think i must remember to report that 1 to.

Denise

[Anonymous]

At the moment there is no1 else, so airing my anxietys and views on here are helping a little at least it gives me a little direction, thankyou everyone, i feel like i go on a bit, so sorry if it seems that way

[Anonymous]

Hi again Denise:

Go on as long as you need to.  There's no limit here to length or depth of need.  It's ok.

Sorry no else is around to help.  I have a suggestion..which you can take or leave, ofcourse.

How about reading the "Anything thread" from start to finish??

There are a few jokes, some nice poems, people sort of getting to know one another, opinions, stuff like that.  It's a long one.  It could be a sort of distraction for awhile for you.

You don't have to stay focussed on your problems right now. You could decide to take a little break and just read, a little at a time, right?

It would be ok to do that too, and give your emotions a break, and your mind, from having to worry about serious stuff.....all of the time.

Or if there is something else....a good book you have on hand?  I know it's hard to concentrate...but maybe for just a few minutes at a time.  It might help?  I don't know for sure.

I'm glad you're posting and I hope you will keep on posting.  That's a really good thing.  And calling your doc and getting in touch with race was another great move!!  How about giving yourself a little comfort?  Just for awhile?  To ease your concentration away from the trauma and onto something more comforting?  What do you think?

(((((((((Denise))))))))))

I have to get off here now and go do stuff.  I'm sure other people will post back to you too.  You're doing ok Denise.  You're still reaching out, instead of staying put.  That's a good thing.  Who cares how much your write?  Write and write and post away!!  Get your thoughts out and open.  It helps make sense of things.  And inbetween, maybe read a little bit of something that is off topic...??

GFN

[bunny]

Hi Denise,

It's great if you can post here and air your anxieties. It may be difficult to feel that we are real people since you can't hear/see us but we know you're there.

bunny

[Brigid]

Hi Denise,
I'm so glad to see you continuing to reach out.  That is brave of you.  Is there anything creative that you can do to release some of your emotions.  Can you draw, knit, sing, write, use clay--anything that allows your mind to flow in a more positive direction and keeps your hands busy.  I found knitting to be very therapeutic when I was deeply depressed, and I journaled a lot of my pain.

What about your children?  Are you connected to them right now?  Does hearing their voices bring you pleasure or least a sense of peace?

Keep posting, as we care and are listening.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

What about your children? Are you connected to them right now? Does hearing their voices bring you pleasure or least a sense of peace?

Would it sound terrible to say at the moment no we are not connected, me and my eldest daughter use to be really close, she moved out b4 christmas cos she couldnt cope, and i feel the bond we had has gone, i dont take my problems out on the kids they dont understand, but i know i have hurt them deeply as all they hear is me crying, and saying am going to end it all, ive messed their lives up 2, an i hate myself for it, and sometimes when they are in and chatting, it sounds soooooooooooo loud and i cant cope with it, so i take refuge to my room, this makes me sound terrible as a mum, but i never use to be like this, and in a way ive now damaged them        

Denise

[Brigid]

Denise,
Don't think that the bond with your daughter is gone.  She knows that you love her and she knows that you are in pain.  But she probably has a hard time understanding it right now.  She is not mature enough, nor does she have enough life experiences to figure out how to deal with your pain and also make a life for herself.  Maybe that's OK for now and something you just can't handle for the moment.  It doesn't make you a bad mother, just a very damaged one that needs help.  With time and maturity she will understand that, as will hopefully all your children and those relationships can be mended.  

When you read about the evils of parents against their children on this board and you examine your own hell on earth as a child, you must take pride in the fact that you loved your kids and did the best you could for them with the very limited emotional tools you had.  You did break the cycle of abuse and that is a wonderful thing.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

Denise,

Your children will be okay if they are allowed to express their feelings about their mom's depression. If there is a therapist, or a father, or somewhere they can express their feelings, that leaves space for them to keep hoping for you, even when you can't hold onto hope. That's what kids are good at. They will hopefully be okay.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hey Denise:

Just popping in again on my way back out ('cause I've been thinking of you and hoping things are going a little better for you..even got a couple of prayers in there... ).

Would it sound terrible to say at the moment no we are not connected, me and my eldest daughter use to be really close, she moved out b4 christmas cos she couldnt cope, and i feel the bond we had has gone,

See what you said, Denise?  "at the moment".  For now, right?  This lack of close connection isn't permanent, right?  Absolutely you can improve your relationship with her...your connection together.  And no, it doesn't sound terrible...it sounds like she has the strength to self-preserve herself....that's a good sign...that she takes steps to look our for herself.  That's a good thing.  You must have done something right to have a daughter who is this confident and assured, who moves out and onward, when she feels unable to cope.  She is doing what feels right for her.  That's ok, right?

IMO, the bond between you isn't gone.  It's just stressed right now because of the way you are feeling.  Once you feel better, which will happen in the future, you can work on strengthening that bond (and even now.....you could work on it a little....write little notes to her....tell her what you like about her....how much you love her.....miss her....respect her for looking after herself etc...and give them to her, if you feel it is the right time).

i know i have hurt them deeply

Look, Denise, there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all make some mistakes and do some things wrong.  It's impossible to do otherwise.  If you were really physically ill and hospitalized, you would surely, not of your choice, be unable to nuture and care for your children during that time period.  Right now...you are not feeling very well, correct?  You are unavailable, in some ways, that you used to be available for them.  Is this your choice?  Your doing?  Are you responsible for the trauma that is welling up and tormenting you?  Please don't allow the guilt of all of that to get under your skin and lay there or take hold.  That's no use and the guilt is deceiving you.  I bet it's not your choice to feel this way.  I bet you didn't ask for trauma, or for it to well up.   I bet you'd rather be tormented by something easier to extinguish......like cockroaches or a leaky roof.  Those can be sprayed away or patched up.  This emotional stuff....it's not that easy to repair.

It is repairable.....but it takes longer and more care than just a spray of this or a patch of that.

The thing to do is take care of you...in what ever ways you can....which will help you to be a better mom, the best mom you can be.  I know it's tempting to feel guilty and sorry, and you can express that to them, if you truly feel there are things that you should try to repair....but the damage..Denise.....is mostly your own suffering.  They are living their lives, right?  You are doing stuff to try to help yourself too.  So that's good.
Whatever eases your suffering...in the healthiest possible way...is good for you and something you can try for.

so i take refuge to my room, this makes me sound terrible as a mum.

No it doesn't.  I totally disagree with you.  It makes you sound like a mum who is unable to stand a whole lot of stimuli at this time, because of anxiety and stress.  It makes you sound like a person who is doing something to preserve your sanity....by leaving a room that feels too loud and intrusive.  It makes you sound like a mum who cares about her children but who is feeling powerless to relate/interact appropriately...because of inner turmoil???  Possibly???  And it is a perfectly reasonable, healthy thing to do...retire to your room....if that feels better.    It might help them....if you could just say that.  Maybe you could try?  "Sorry, I need a break from all the stimuli.  It feels too much."

Keep trying  Denise.  Hold onto the idea that this is just the way things are:  "at the moment".

This won't last forever.  You can and will take more and more steps to feel better and better.  It isn't going to happen over night.  But it will happen.

Glad you're still posting.  Good for you.    Keep doing that!

GFN

[mum]

Bless you Denise. You are worthy and loved. Believe it. You are not alone, you are not foresaken.

"Love will not elude you.  Love is simple."

Simple, Denise.  Not complicated.   You are loved.  Don't look for it, don't try to find it.  This takes no effort on your part.  Just feel it.  Know it.  

(((((Denise))))))

[Anonymous]

Today i was supposed to get a phone call from the race team, and hopefully they were going to explain what they were talking about the other day, but thanks to my so called friend, who had me in tears last night and again this morning, my phones are switched off, cos i cant cope, he still blames me for him losing his wallet, although i was miles away from him at the time, then cos i get frustrated i shout at him, and he says he cant understand why, i give up, am going nowhere yet again, the weekend approaches and my anxiety is building up, no phone call means no help, which also means will i survive the weekend, my son spends the weekend with his girlfriend, my daughter babysits and stays over, am alone, and this is when my mind works overtime, i get over anxious and overwhelmed with emotion, i hate it, i sit here tears in my eyes cos i know whats coming and i cant stop it    

Denise

[Anonymous]

Whatever happens my kids are my world,i am very proud of them, their good kids on the whole, and i love them always, i hope they stay safe always and will never experience the terrible feelings of loneliness and severe depression xxxx

Denise

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what this race thing does, but it sounds pretty important to you. Why switch your phone off?

[Anonymous]

Race are there for support, they will sort out a counsellor, they will be there if i feel like ending it all, they will put me in touch with support groups, for survivors of abuse selfharm, their someone to talk to and point me in the right directions, basically its an emergency unit, aimed at people like me when in desperation, my phones are off cos of the verbal i was getting this morning and yesterday, i cant take it, i was given an apology but with a but at the end, it doesnt matter what i say or do, i am in the wrong all the time , if someone wants to help and be your friend, shouldnt that be the case all the time, and not just when they are away from home and their ex partner, everything changes, so i get upset and shout with sheer frustration, so they attack me verbally, my answer to this is why be my part time friend, mr nice guy, and when back home mr nasty, am i wrong, is my way of thinking wrong?
I cant take it!  

Denise