I'm writing this in the hope that I can direct a dear friend of mine to a site more suited to her problems.....can you help?
This girl was sexual abused as a young child by one of her mothers many boyfriends. Her mother was on the game (hooker) and when doing so, would leave her then two young daughters alone for days on end in what passed for a home (laughingly). The girls were aged 5 and 7 at the time when the younger one was continually abused! Whilst on their own, the now ex boyfriend would climb in through an open small window and carry out the abuse. She has now idea how many years before she was 4/5 this started, but it stopped when she was 6/7, she's now 39.
Their mother would regularly dissappear for days at a time, leaving the girls alone to fend for themselves. The mother was an alcoholic and would attack the girls....on one occassion with a hammer, frequently!
On returning from nursery one day, the girls were given some money, told that they were loved and then sent to the shops to buy sweets. On their return, there was no sign of mum and the house was shut and locked. They waited.....and waited.....and waited......then it was dark. Neighbours finally called social services and they were taken into care.
They both had scabies and went through a de-lousing treatment before being placed in a childrens home. Neither child had any idea of what the hell was going on! But this was one of many stays that they'd had in homes as a result of being abandoned by the mother. Days turned to weeks.....this time it was different. The authorities took a care order out and they were permanently taken into care!
Once again, their mother surfaced and tried to recover her kids, but it was too late! So she embarked on a campaign of visiting the children and telling them that they'd soon be home with her. She'd even tell them how she'd got new bedrooms for them and how many dolls she'd bought for them...etc. Weeks turned to months and there was no going home. The visits became less frequent. She married again.....a total of 4 times in the end. 8 more kids followed with this or that guy....and still she was pissing up and on the game whilst her two little girls were in care!!
Finally they moved from the home and into foster parents...out of the frying pan and into the fire! No one new that the younger girl had been continually and fully sexually abused......even she didn't tell anyone! The new foster home turned out to be a dumping ground for the authorities who couldn't place difficult children. The foster parents had turned it into a business and had 8 children living with them. The money was rolling for them, but the younger of the two girls started to experience the wrath of the foster mother. Maybe as a result of exhibiting effects of the sexual abuse or whatever, but the foster parents started to physically abuse her! This continued for 7 years before she ran away at 14.
Oh did I forget to mention, she also started to selfharm at this age! She'd take a blade to her arms and legs slicing just enough, but not too much! When they'd find her sleeping rough somewhere, they'd lock her up....pin down! Our lovely authorities!!
She used to sleep rough on building sites....all alone! How she managed to escape far more serious assaults is a amazing! A pattern developed of the authorities catching up with her, back in to care, then escaping again. This continued till she was 16....then she fell pregnant!
By 18 the had two children by the same guy. He was doing drugs, she wasn't. He'd tried to set fire to her in bed, beaten her variously! When carrying a third child, he dropped kicked her in her stomach. She lost the baby.....a deep mental scare for her to bare! He left having caused huge damage to her. A previous boyfriend, a childhood sweet heart, moved in and she was pregnant again. But this guy couldn't cope with the fact that she'd had two children by another guy and was beating her up! She awoke in hospital one morning with a broken jaw and face! He left!
Another miscarriage and one final baby with another guy who dumps her and she's on her own again. This time she decides it's best to keep it this way......well one can understand why! She brings the kids, 4 of them, up on her own! Never does any drugs, doesn't drink too much and buys everything through her own hard work! Never fails the children, not once! A model mother.....a very, very, very good woman!
She starts a job looking after the elderly. Loves it! Soon she's looking after several doing home help and their shopping. She gets close to some, too close! Over time, they die.....don't we all! Two that she's very close to die either in pain, or on their own and are found by her the following day! She is deeply, deeply traumatised by this!
He children are not longer children....they're growing up and leaving home. Her entire purpose.....her being as a person is beginning to collapse! She's always kept dolls houses in he adult years. Expensive ones complete with dolls. The master, butler, cook, wife and children.....the perfect house......the home she never had but always dreamt of! She no longer plays with the dolls, reality is biting.....and hard!
She cries over the deaths of her two elderly friends....her mother and father! They never had a clue what was going on for as you see, this little girl makes far deeper and hidden connections with people, far more than any realise! She's is more devastated by their deaths than their real families! Slowly, she's collapsing from within.......
She meets a guy over the net........now this ones different! You might expect that a girl with her background would be free and easy with her favours.......not so! With less than 6 or 7 sexual partners in her entire life, she's not exactly winning slapper of the year contests! She's a good woman, a descent woman.
She's had an affair with a guy for 12 years. Yes it's not good, but that's the way she wanted it because of what happened with the other men in her early life! Yes he lives with someone else and yes she knew this from the outset, but he's big and strong and if she ever needed a man to sort something or one out, he'd do it for her! But that's long over now.....over by 12months or more! He loved her, still does, but she doesn't have those feelings for him!
The new boyfriend......well he's posh.....or rather he talks as if he is. Older, she likes that, but not too old.....7 years difference. He's in business and flashes the cash! He takes her out for dinner....they stay in posh hotels.....she's smitten with him!
He's not long out of a marriage and a serious but painfull relationship. He too had a difficult childhood, a bullying and violent father, but nothing like her background!! He's a good listen.....and talker! He left one woman for another and promptly lost everything in the process! At the end of which, he even lost the mistress! He'd served her purpose and she no longer needed him. He was bitterly used, but that's life! It took him time to get over it all, but he's on the other side now, he's ready to date again!
He wants a relationship with a girl, but nothing heavy! No living with or 24/7. He wants to take a girl out, have fun, have sex....but nothing serious.....he can't cope with serious for fear of it all going wrong again! Nice and light....nice and simple.....dating, friendship, nothing else! He tells her this at the kick off. He listens to her problems......he's shocked to the core! As the weeks pass, his admiration for her grows! They spend time together....they talk a lot.....they get on well......and she feels safe with him!
Two months in to their 'light' relationship he makes a mistake...idiot! One night he tells her he loves her....big mistake! Two weeks later he's been talking to another girl over the net and goes around to hers one night. A few hours later and he's left having all but slept with her! He never sees her again.....but the damage is done!! Our damaged little girl.....our dreadfully hurt woman.....finds out! All hell breaks loose!!!! Just as she was beginning to relax.....just when what had happened to her as a child and those recent deaths was being replaced by the presence of newby.......the lid to pandoras box has been knocked open! The shit had hit the fan! Breakdown.......big time!!!!!
All of the what had happened over those many years now rises to the surface! Newby is back peddling like now tomorrow!!! Yes he's a 'player' but everything was supposed to be ok with her as she knew things weren't heavy between them.....just light! But then the f..king wan.er did say he loved her and she'd never met a guy like this before!! He understood her and she'd told him things she'd never said to another before! He'd replaced all of her pain......and the recent deaths of people close to her.....he was special.....he was such a f***ing idiot for not understanding what he was getting into! He'd really walked into things this time!!
She's beside herself and totally undone.....top to toe! He's trying to get away from her now.....but she needs someone, him, more than ever as the full emotion of those early years and beyond are exploding all over the place! Depression.....and then some!! A month or two later and she's diagnosed as 'Severly clinically depressed'! She can't work and has withdrawn to her bedroom.....her last castle! Frightened to go out....speak to even her children.....she either sits playing on her play station....listening to music.....or growling at people! Things get worse, much worse!
Unable to work, she's on the sick. 6 months elapse and her sick pay dries up! He's tried to end the relationship over and over......but she needs him more than ever! Everything that she's worked for is in jepeody! She's never had to rely on anyone before, but now she's desperate. He stands by her and comes through with the money as she's asked him to. He tries to contain the damage! On the one hand he's tip toeing away, spending less and less time with her but paying the bills!
He organises a counselor for her.....and covers the costs.....but 12 months later......and nothing has changed! Panic attacks, furore and fear of going out still abound! She's frightening herself even!
She spends most of her time ranting and raving at him! Everything he does is remorslessly questioned. He tells her that they're not in a relationship anymore.....but are good friends. He talks to her daily and texts back and forth continually. But at times she becomes totally overwhelming and has started to self-harm again! The ranting and raving becomes intense....so intense....he's withering under it all!!! He starts to shout back....the whole thing is a mess!!
She's threatening suicide by the day!! On anti depression tablets and diazzapan for over a year, nothing seems to work! The NHS wheels turn slowly. Nothing happens quickly....she's virtually on her own except for him! He family have all but backed away......he is backing further away under the strain of it all!
She goes to the police over her childhood sex abuse......they listen and pull the guy in for questioning. He's as guilty as sin.....and they know it.....but there's little they can do!! He's now old.....but as cunning as hell! He runs rings around the law......and knows he's going to get away with it!
She gets her childhood file from social services......what a terrible mess this poor girl has suffered from! It's a nightmare by anyones standing!!! She's close.....very close to the edge! Things have become soo bad......she's in danger....real danger of losing her life! He doesn't know what to do and is trying one thing after another to help! She sends pictures to him by phone of what she'd done to herself with a blade! He sends the cops in.....she kicks them out claiming he made it up......the picture and words attached don't lie.....she's slashed the hell out of the tops of her legs!! He's at his wits end!
She's a good person.......and he's a twat!! I am that twat......and one hell of a one! I knocked the lid off the box.....and I've got to get it back on! No one else wants to know....no one! I know that I can't continue like this for ever......I had not intention of being here in the first place! But she is a truly outstanding woman who's suffered sooooo much over the years....and survived.....until she met me.....wa*ker that I am! It's either into an institution she goes from here......or she starts to pull round after 18 months of it!
One way she could be helped is in finding similar groups such as this that could help her over the net. She has difficulty sleeping at nights and often has no one to talk to. Does anyone know of good sites like this but more geared to sexual abuse and depression than this one? I need to focus her attention towards something like this, hopefully UK based!
Thanks for reading it all.
Otus
