Does someone know of a good sexual abuse support site?

[October]

October, i forgot to say am from the wirral, Merseyside  

Hmm.  Bit of a long way.      

I have a cousin lives in Wigan.  Haven't been there for years and years.  Nice part of the country, though.  

[Anonymous]

When you have ptsd your levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline/norepinephrine are all over the place, and anything affecting them is best avoided, if possible.

Don't stop taking them just yet, Denise, but I agree you could try switching to an SSRI when you can, with your doctor's help.

Excellent points... also, don't forget cortisol. Hyperarousal - the 'fight or flight' response - literally floods you with it, and over time it can make significant changes in your body and brain chemistry.

The combination of an SSRI (fluoxetine) and olanzapine is now approved in the USA for treatment of bipolar depression. Other similar combinations such as October is describing - an SSRI plus risperidone - also would make good sense in theory. (And in October's case they made good sense in practice, too )

Denise, if there is any chance at all that you are bipolar, you should avoid taking an antidepressant (SSRI, SNRI) by itself. It can trigger manic episodes extremely rapidly.

Do listen to October and don't stop any of your current meds abruptly now... there are discontinuation symptoms with some psych meds, and you need to wean off of them. Her advice is also excellent to enlist your chemist's help in sorting out the meds.

I'm sorry that mental health assistance is so sketchy where you are. A good chemist can be a tremendous help with managing your meds when the doctors just don't take the time to help you. And don't forget to mention and bring any herbals you are taking... the ones that work are essentially medicines, afer all, so they can interact with other medicines too.

Good luck Denise. Hang in there... you are worth it.

[Mati]

Hi

I have just been reading the posts for a while and not posting because I have been going down this past week. still can't work out why, but things feel too much to cope with at the moment. It has not helped that I am in a relapse of my ME and have RSI in my right hand and my knee has been causing a lot of pain. So I have been stuck in more than usual and feeling really lonely. I still go to my divorced support group and counsellors, but I wish I had someone around I could turn to as most of my time I am alone. I know that things have got worse with the counselling, and facing things from my childhood. It was nothing as horrific as yours Denise and you give me hope and courage that, if you are still fighting, then I can too. I don't think you realise what an encouragement you can be to others. You are in a bad way yet you are reaching out and accepting help. I think that shows that you are one h*ll of a person and you will come through one day.

On saying to a potential suicide that they are being selfish.....because my son commited suicide, I learnt a bit about it. Just before a 'successful' suicide, a person goes into a sort of a trance and becomes obsessed with it. If they do not get brought out of the trance, then even if someone intervenes, they will still go on and do it when left alone. It usually takes some shock to get them out of this state because they are not in their right mind and become obsessed with various thoughts, a common one being that their family will be better off without them. This idea is always wrong, a family is always worse off if a member commits suicide and in fact relatives of suicides are at higher risk themselves.

I understand what October is saying about not adding to the guilt load  that a p. suicide is already feeling, but when they get past a certain point, showing concern and kindness will not stop them, something stronger is needed and their thoughts need to be challenged.

I do wish there was more information available on how to talk to a person in this state, especially when you are not in a position to get help for them. I keep meaning to find more information so that I can provide it when needed as I consider it as valid as first aid as physical assistance.

Denise SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM

I know that what you are suffering seems as though it will never go away, but it can if you want it too. Something I realised this week was that I can learn how to have functional relationships and have a satisfying life even though I did not learn that still after 55 years.

It sounds to me that it could be your meds that are causing your feelings
and when you get them sorted you will feel much better. There is no need to feel helpless and useless if it is a chemical imbalance causing your despair. Just hang on. Try not to dwell on your past. Think about it later when you are in a stronger position. Just get by minute to minute for the moment. Do things that will cheer you up.

My daughter was a cutter until recently. She was admitted into hospital under Section 3, (frequentt occurance) and a nurse told her that her problem is that she is not accepting her mental illness. Since then she saw that it was true and has been able to stop cutting.

I am in Durham by the way.

Mati

[Serena]

Mati

I was in therapy for nine years and some of it was painful, I wanted to quit.

My husband could see as an outsider how much of a roller-coaster it was and how my moods changed.  Thankfully, I stuck it out and have a wonderfully fulfilling life now.  So much so, that yesterday I wrote a four page update letter to my wonderful therapist.

Hope it goes the same for you.  I am very, very sorry about your son, but when I was suicidal, I KNEW there was nobody alive who could have stopped me.  I wish more people knew this and weren't left in a cloud of guilt.

Regards

[October]

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[October]

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[October]

Re my comment that pain is the price we pay for love, a friend has suggested that maybe it is the other way round; love is our compensation for pain.

Or perhaps a bit of both.  

[Mati]

Hi Serena

And thanks. I am so pleased to hear that you stuck it out in therapy and have the benefits of it now in your life. That gives me hope. I wonder whether your thought that no-one could stop you when you were suicidal was just part of this trance condition where we become irrational and obsessed? Do you mind saying how you managed to get out of that state? Was it physical intervention? I don't think that it is possible for the people involved where there is an attempted or successful suicide to not bear a burden of guilt, well not easily anyway. Most of us empathise with distress and the feeling of not recognising it in someone close and them suiciding is excruciating. And next is recognisng it yet not being able to help them.

thanks October

Yes you are right and there is always pain with bereavement, but it is much more severe where the cause of death was suicide. And as I said, the relatives left behind have a much higher risk of suiciding themselves. The legacy really is terrible. I do not feel angry towards my son however for the pain he caused. The balance of his mind was disturbed and he was not fully aware of what he was doing, according to the information I have read to help relatives of suicides.

I do agree that different people need different approaches generally, but this information was obtained through research not conjecture. There are some people who are doing very valuable work through working for suicide prevention, and I am ashamed to say that I have not really taken as much notice as I should have, but I have decided to inform myself now.

Thanks so much for describing the dissociative state. I recognise it in myself at times when I have shut off and felt unable to reach out to get help. I do know that at those times I wanted help but had no idea how to get it. I don't know whether this describes the suicide trance though, as help and contact  is always rejected and the main feature is obsessive thought.

It is wonderful that you use your own experience to reach out to help others, October. What a caring person you are.

Mati

[October]

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[October]

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[Mati]

October

I am not just speaking from my own experience when I say that the death by suicide of a child is much harder to deal with then the other reasons for the death of a child like illness, disability or murder. These things are researched by the people who are working for suicide prevention. As I have said, the relatives left behind after a member of the family commits suicide is much more likely to do it themselves. This is not to diminish the suffering involved in the death of a child by another means. But the fact is that parents find it harder to come to terms with the fact that their child took their own life and frequently are unable to pull their lives together again. But I am not suggesting that one should convey these facts to a person considering suicide. But one should counter their unreasonable belief that their family will be better off without them, and doing this helps to break the 'spell' they are under. You seem to be saying that this is being judgemental. I do not understand this. The following site talks about the suicide 'trance' more

http://www.depressionet.com.au/articles/as.html

I think it is not so much that people blame the one who has commited suicide, as I said, I respect my son's decision that he could not bear his pain any longer,  although studies show that young people are often motivated to suicide to teach others a lesson. I do think however that the intolerance is about those who have failed attempts which others interpret as a demand for attention. Unfortunately they are treat badly sometimes in hospitals.

I agree that if a person has made the decision over a long period of time and often because of long term pain or ill health, then they ARE in their right minds and after we have done all we can to show them that there is still hope, then of course we have to respect their decision. But most are not like that and depression is the most often reason or perhaps medication causing problems as denise has described and which I really hope she has sought help over today. Please let us know Denise.

Mati

[Denise]

I dont really understand what all the different antidepressants are supposed to do, i have tried reading up, but cos my concentration is so bad at the moment i cant take it in, so far ive had nassa, snri and ssri, i found the ssri made me feel out of it, i took it in the mornings and wouldnt feel alert till probably 2 in the afternoon, the nassa, although it helped with my panic attacks, i found i was extremely emotional all the time, and the snri, the reboxetine that i am on now, imo are making me go nuts, although i was cutting myself i didnt feel suicidal, i have to wait for my doctor or psychatrist to prescribe new ones, whenever that will be, hopefully very soon, in the meantime as from yesterday ive stopped taking the reboxetine, i know i should wean myself off slowly, but i think its them thats making me feel even worse than i do, most of yesterday i took zolpidem an diazapam, basically to keep me asleep, i was very tearful and didnt want to wake up, 2day, my head feels very fuzzy, i am terribly hot and having bad palpatations, iam again feeling very tearful, but am hoping its just withdrawels from the meds, if by tomorrow i dont feel better physically i will start taking them again, i know you will all think am stupid to stop taking them, but i have diazapam to keep me calm, and i truly believe the meds were making things worse.
As for the bipolar disorder, i read a bit about it, and i do not have that my symptons are quite the opposite, cptsd i think is my problem

[bunny]

Hi Denise,

I don't know anything about the medications you are taking, saying I hear you. I've also been through med withdrawal and it's not pretty.

bunny

[Denise]

I must admit, i am feeling extremely down right now,, plenty of tears,  very sickly and my head feels like its going to explode, and considering i slept most of yesterday, i feel very tired and aching, and very agitated and over anxious, i just dont know what to do for the best

[Denise]

Frank sinartra "My way",and  You'll never walk alone, remember that!