Does someone know of a good sexual abuse support site?

[October]

As for the bipolar disorder, i read a bit about it, and i do not have that my symptons are quite the opposite, cptsd i think is my problem

Denise, if you are doing as you describe, then your symptoms may intensify.  You need to be aware that coming off an antidepressant very quickly will leave you very poorly for several days, if not weeks.  Please be careful in doing this.  I don't think it is sensible to stop completely - can you not just reduce the dose, perhaps by half, for a while?  Doctors usually prescribe to me a very, very gradual withdrawal - one tablet less per week in one instance - so you need to be aware that it is not recommended at all to just stop taking them.

If you are determined to do this, then make sure that you look after yourself in the process.  Do not expect too much - it is a very difficult thing to do.  If you have to take the Reboxetine again, don't see it as a failure, whatever you do.

Perhaps you could try the link I sent you for the ptsd site.  There is a meds section there, where you can ask others of their experiences, and get more advice than I can offer.

Please let us know how you are managing.

[October]

..

[Anonymous]

Hi Serena

And thanks. I am so pleased to hear that you stuck it out in therapy and have the benefits of it now in your life. That gives me hope. I wonder whether your thought that no-one could stop you when you were suicidal was just part of this trance condition where we become irrational and obsessed? Do you mind saying how you managed to get out of that state? Was it physical intervention? I don't think that it is possible for the people involved where there is an attempted or successful suicide to not bear a burden of guilt, well not easily anyway. Most of us empathise with distress and the feeling of not recognising it in someone close and them suiciding is excruciating. And next is recognisng it yet not being able to help them.

thanks October

Yes you are right and there is always pain with bereavement, but it is much more severe where the cause of death was suicide. And as I said, the relatives left behind have a much higher risk of suiciding themselves. The legacy really is terrible. I do not feel angry towards my son however for the pain he caused. The balance of his mind was disturbed and he was not fully aware of what he was doing, according to the information I have read to help relatives of suicides.

I do agree that different people need different approaches generally, but this information was obtained through research not conjecture. There are some people who are doing very valuable work through working for suicide prevention, and I am ashamed to say that I have not really taken as much notice as I should have, but I have decided to inform myself now.

Thanks so much for describing the dissociative state. I recognise it in myself at times when I have shut off and felt unable to reach out to get help. I do know that at those times I wanted help but had no idea how to get it. I don't know whether this describes the suicide trance though, as help and contact  is always rejected and the main feature is obsessive thought.

It is wonderful that you use your own experience to reach out to help others, October. What a caring person you are.

Mati

I never, ever felt like I was in a 'trance'.  I believed it was a logical, clinical decision to end my unutterable  pain.  At the time, I would have liked to take pills/alcohol but had literally planned to drown in my swimsuit so my loved ones could believe this.  I was waiting for the weather to warm up so it would seem belieavable.  I could never have put them through knowing that I'd taken my own life....................

I lived by the sea then.

[Anonymous]

October

I am not just speaking from my own experience when I say that the death by suicide of a child is much harder to deal with then the other reasons for the death of a child like illness, disability or murder. These things are researched by the people who are working for suicide prevention. As I have said, the relatives left behind after a member of the family commits suicide is much more likely to do it themselves. This is not to diminish the suffering involved in the death of a child by another means. But the fact is that parents find it harder to come to terms with the fact that their child took their own life and frequently are unable to pull their lives together again. But I am not suggesting that one should convey these facts to a person considering suicide. But one should counter their unreasonable belief that their family will be better off without them, and doing this helps to break the 'spell' they are under. You seem to be saying that this is being judgemental. I do not understand this. The following site talks about the suicide 'trance' more

http://www.depressionet.com.au/articles/as.html

I think it is not so much that people blame the one who has commited suicide, as I said, I respect my son's decision that he could not bear his pain any longer,  although studies show that young people are often motivated to suicide to teach others a lesson. I do think however that the intolerance is about those who have failed attempts which others interpret as a demand for attention. Unfortunately they are treat badly sometimes in hospitals.

I agree that if a person has made the decision over a long period of time and often because of long term pain or ill health, then they ARE in their right minds and after we have done all we can to show them that there is still hope, then of course we have to respect their decision. But most are not like that and depression is the most often reason or perhaps medication causing problems as denise has described and which I really hope she has sought help over today. Please let us know Denise.

Mati

I'm so sorry about your son and if there's one thing you need to know, believe and hold onto, it is this:  When I was suicidal, I was much, much loved by my husband, family and friends...............  there wasn't one of them who could have stopped me AT THE TIME.   When you are in the depths of depression, you fantasise about suicide only because it will end the terrible, terrible internal pain.  You want to scream at the world to notice, but you can't and they won't.  I spend several years in this place - a black pit, literally looking up at the light, but never having the strength to crawl out.

All I can say is that with the miracle of nine years of 'charitable' therapy, I returned to being the person I always should have been.  I'm outgoing, kind, compassionate and the first to suggest a party after work or a surprise outing.  My life has been transformed and I put it down to Mr DM who looked after me for 9 years.  I could have been a casualty - thank God, I'm not, but I DO know how it feels.

[serena]

sorry, the two posts above are mine................

[Denise]

           

[Denise]

I am ending all this tonight i cant take no more pain or hurt, i am completely destoyed now as a person, i hate this world, and the hurt 1 person can cause another, i hope it was worth it David!          

[Mati]

Hi October

I can see that this has hit a nerve with you which explains why you are reading things into my words that I am not implying and why we are not communicating here. I am so sorry that it has been upsetting for you. Take care

Mati

[d'smom]

I am ending all this tonight i cant take no more pain or hurt, i am completely destoyed now as a person, i hate this world, and the hurt 1 person can cause another, i hope it was worth it David!          

my god Denise you need to call somebody right now.

you must go back to weaning slowly off your meds and call someone right this minute. we want you here, please keep talking it out...... ((((((((Denise))))))))

quick withdrawal can be devastating emotionally. you need to talk with a doctor.

i'm glad your here Denise.

[bunny as guest]

Please call someone Denise or ask another person to do so for you. Ending it tonight is not a good idea. Please call someone, keep posting, and let us know what happens.

bunny

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi Denise,

Please go to your local emergency room, or call a suicide prevention hotline or RACE.  We want you to live!

Best wishes,

Richard

[Serena]

I am ending all this tonight i cant take no more pain or hurt, i am completely destoyed now as a person, i hate this world, and the hurt 1 person can cause another, i hope it was worth it David!          

Denise, just be yourself and don't let david hurt you.  

I hope you don't mind me saying this but I think you should be sectioned?

For your own wellbeing.

Kindest

[Serena]

I am ending all this tonight i cant take no more pain or hurt, i am completely destoyed now as a person, i hate this world, and the hurt 1 person can cause another, i hope it was worth it David!          

We've all felt this way, love.


Let us know how you feel in the morning?  Don't be embarassed to talk to us - we've all been in the same place????????????/

[Mati]

Denice

Please tell us how you are.

Mati

[Denise]

Last night David(otus) my so called friend and ex bf admitted to me he is still having sex with his ex wife and took her away for a dirty weekend, all this going on while he was still my boyfriend, i already knew he was sleeping round which started this problem in the first place, and on a number of occasions i have quizzed him over his ex and he has denied everything, yet again ive been hurt and i cant and will not take anymore, i do not need to be sectioned, David made me feel like i was nuts, he drove the situation right into the ground, i trusted him, i cared for him deeply and in return he has killed me, i am a shell of a person, last night i did take tablets, but then David turned it all round so he was the victim, he was sending me strange txt msges, phoning saying he had drunk a bottle of jack daniels amongst and took other things, then he would turn phone off, then 10 mins later he would phone back making howling noises, phone off again i tried to phone back numerous occasions it was still switched off so i sent a txt saying i would phone an ambulance still no reply, i txt his ex wife to say check on him, no reply back, so i phone an ambulance, ambulance comes an goes, he then txts saying "now you know how it feels", then after all these games he sends a msge saying he likes me, whose messing with whose head here.
15 tablets in all i took last night, if it wasnt for him it would have been more, and i wouldnt be here now suffering, he has damaged me so much as a person, i cant take the pain, i ask David 1 thing "what did i ever do to you" every way i look at it its abuse, he never cared for me just like the rest, i feel so emotionally sick inside it hurts so much, 1 more bad thing to add to the rest, i wish i was dead right now, theres nothing left for me no more, my life and my kids lives are messed up, and David, well he will be ok, hes got his ex wife the one he lied about so many times.
My life will be over soon noone will know when, but it will, i cant take it, i am so empty and damaged now its untrue, now he has caused a bigger problem he switches his phone off, but i know he will read this, you have taken away the last bit of hope i had you have added to destroying my life and my childrens, i hope it was worth it