No, I do not expect perfection from everyone on this board and that comment was extremely unhelpful, considering I have not been given a voice yet to explain properly, why I feel as I do. In response and gratitude for the support I have received here, I will attempt to do so.
When October pulled someone up for mentioning something about the suffering of the ones left behind after a suicide (I am unable to back up what I say as October has removed all of the posts from herself on this subject), I talked about some of the research I have read about suicide, and mentioned that a suicide 'trance' which develops just before the act, needs to be broken by challenging the thoughts of the would be suicide, one of the most significant being that one's family will be better off without one. It was obvious to me that something had triggered October as she started to disagree with me as though it had been my opinions which I had mentioned. I spent a great deal of time trying to explain it was not as she had interpreted and that I was sorry that the subject had upset her. But I received a curt
"This is highly offensive. This conversation is closed. Any further responses in this vein will be reported."
If you read through my posts, I did nothing but apologise to her. I had not been triggered by the conversation, yet I was the one who had been through the trauma. I have no problem with the thought that October has had a raw nerve touched and I was truly sorry and did not want to cause her any suffering. I said nothing at all that could have offended her. But that would have been fine, and a lot more bearable if she had apologised before going off. But OK that is not causing me too much grief, though it has shaken me I must admit. I have never had anyone be so dismissive before after one of the few occasions where I have had to express sorrow that they have been upset by something I have said.
What has really upset me though is that the incident was treat as though it was just two people who have upset each other which is not the case. I understand the politics of forums and why a dispute is usually dealt with in this manner, where taking sides is not usually helpful IN THE EVENT OF A DISPUTE. But I stress that this was not a dispute, where two people are diagreeing, but is a case of where I was being accused of saying something I was not saying, and I was being as reasonable and as apologetic as I could to avoid anything bad developing. I was showing October as much understanding and tolerance as I possible and during this time, no-one contacted me by pm to give me any support of recognition to what was going on and how potentially upsetting it could have been for me who was discussing the death of my son.
The fact that the matter has been demoted to a case of a normal dispute, has been the thing that has shaken me as I have had a great deal of reality shifting from my abusive husband and I would have thought that this subject is one that those on this board would be very sensitive to, and something that would be avoided at all costs.
I do not expect anyone to respond to this. I know that October is valued here and has many friends whereas I am just a newcomer. I do not expect anyone to back me up. I just want to voice what has upset me.
I react very badly to anyone who tries to shift reality for me and tell me something had not taken place when it had. Well thankyou for letting me express myself.
I still do not feel safe enough to continue to post and will read for a while. I hope that I will be able to build up confidence to post agaIin but at the moment I do not know. I thank you again for the supoport I have had.
Denise
You have done nothing at all that has contributed to this.
