Truth

[October]

I was talking to my t the other day, and I said, 'I should just stay at home all the time because I only cause trouble wherever I go.  I upset everybody.'

She asked me, 'Is that true?'

My reply was, 'Who cares what is true?'

Which I think is rather profound, when you think about it.     What is the point of knowing the difference between true and false, when nobody actually gives a damn?

Being Cassandra today.  

[Anonymous]

October,

There are people who do "give a damn" about the truth.  Those are the kind of people I enjoy being around.  When I was young I thought people didn't "give a damn" about the truth ... but it was just because I was around those who didn't.  I had to search out and find others who did care about the truth, those who loved the truth more than themselves.  Those people do exist.

LM

[Brigid]

October,

What is the point of knowing the difference between true and false, when nobody actually gives a damn?

Do you actually believe this??

I can't speak for anyone else, but I absolutely care what is true and not true.  Having been so profoundly deceived by someone  in whom I had complete trust, honesty and truth rate at the top of my list.  

I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to others.  Be it a moral thing, a sense of integrity, self-respect, or whatever, I can tell you that I sure do give a damn.  If I find out that someone has been lying to me now, that person is out of my life.  I understand that there are the occasional white lies that are forgivable, but I believe all good relationships (romantic or otherwise) are built on a foundation of honesty.

I think if you look at how dishonesty has damaged you and your life, you can't honestly believe it doesn't matter.  People who live by the lie won't give a damn and probably expect that everyone else lies too.  Those are not people with whom I choose to relate.  I truly want to get back to a point where I can trust and not question everything around me.

I can assure you that you don't cause trouble wherever you go.  You are a kind, generous spirit who is just trying to survive, be a good mom, and be a good person.  We all cause trouble at times, but good people can't always be problematic.  They would then no longer be good people.

Brigid

[Newby]

Hi Cassandra,
Do you love the people you are around?  For me personally,  if I care for those people I accept them for who they are and where they are at.  I don't expect them to change or expect anything from them.  That way I am never dissappointed.  However, if they are in a position to do me some type of real harm,  I just have to stay away from them.  If I am secure that what I know is truth, I understand that I won't be able to convince them and that life will eventually show them.  This keeps me from getting into disagreements and alienating those that I care about. I just try to enjoy the time that I am with them, even if they are deceived.  I have become a better listener and slower to try to fix.  I hope this helps.

[Anonymous]

Hi all:

I wouldn't give a hairy kapoodle about the truth, if I didn't hate lies so much!!

GFN

[jophil]

What is a 'hairy kapoodle' ? Animal,vegetable or Narcissist?

[Denise]

October, are you ok, do u want to talk, u have always been there for me and helped me a lot with my thoughts, now i feel u r hurting  

[Anonymous]

Hi jophil:

 

What is a 'hairy kapoodle' ? Animal,vegetable or Narcissist?

I think it's a cross between a kangaroo and a poodle but it's much, much hairrier than either, so I'd have to say it's probably animal.
   

GFN

[Portia]

Scarlet, I give a damn about what’s true or not!

Especially when it comes to: did I just say that, or only think it?

Oops, I usually just think those things and don’t actually (factually, truthfully, in reality as everyone around me acknowledges it, or at least those who have some grip on what reality is) pardon?..... oh yeah, I usually don’t actually speak it, with my voice, the voice that makes a noise that others can hear (as opposed to the ones in my head only).

Truth / reality / are necessarily subjective, I think.

Honesty applies to humans only, because only humans lie (as far as I can tell, although I’m sure a few birds and animals try to trick me). Honesty really is at the top of my list of Things I Like In Life. Being honest with ourselves is paramount but very difficult.

Truth is usually what we think is true, until shown another option or interpretation. People are always disagreeing about truth. I can argue with myself about whether I’m being honest or not, I can solve that problem on my own, in my head, I don’t need to bring the contents of someone else’s head into the equation. Honesty is closer to the truth than any external 'objective' truth. Honesty is our own personal truth.

That was fun! I think I think all that, but on the other hand, I could have my mind changed.  

October, a more precise question from your T would have been:

Do you really believe that? Is that your truth?
and then

Do you really believe that other people think that too?

[Anonymous]

I was talking to my t the other day, and I said, 'I should just stay at home all the time because I only cause trouble wherever I go.  I upset everybody.'

She asked me, 'Is that true?'

My reply was, 'Who cares what is true?'

Which I think is rather profound, when you think about it.     What is the point of knowing the difference between true and false, when nobody actually gives a damn?

Being Cassandra today.  

I think she was trying to give you a "reality check" and you answered who cares what is true. If I were a therapist I would take that as, "October isn't ready to give up the fantasy that she is so powerfully destructive. Maybe we can look deeper at this fantasy."

bunny

[ifUbTRU2YOURSELF....]

AH IF ONE IS REALLY TRU TO self
it would mean methinks one knows self's
properly relationship to the whole
...to love all unconditionally...
which to me means...
to love others where u consider the needs of others b4
your own..
WAIT THO THERE'S MORE
with such love comes discernment of when
the other might need rebuke for their own good
elsewise one might be guilty of enabling bad behavior
WAIT THERE'S MORE
with discernment one discerns the proper points of application
and timing
plus uncondtional love i take has conditions that it makes
not to love the other
but as to how to respond to their behaviour
WAIT THERE'S MORE
but no taint of wrangling and manipulating for self glory
..hmmm a sore point for narcissists
not that they see it
BUT GIVING ALL GLORY TO GOD

WAIT THERE'S MORE
i like to think of glory as the ability to serve
to serve your creator by obeying his will
and not using that ability to contrive
to make oneself as if essentially better than others
tho the state of my soul  might well
temporitly be in a better state than some others...
but such better state
must be maintained by
considering the needs of others before my own...

now as to ifn
the thread founder needs rebuked
or does she sin and know it not

well no rebuke
..just helpful instruction
and if then she makes the same mistake...
THE WRATH OF KHAN INDEEDY

[OOPS IF U BE TRU]

HOW MANY ERRORS DID U FIND
IN TEXT OF PREVIOUS I FOUND SEVERAL
LIKE
MY OWN
SHOULD HAVE BEEN....

[October]

I think she was trying to give you a "reality check" and you answered who cares what is true. If I were a therapist I would take that as, "October isn't ready to give up the fantasy that she is so powerfully destructive. Maybe we can look deeper at this fantasy."

bunny

I am not destructive.  I am a loving person.  I am highly compassionate, and at my best highly creative as well.  However, that appears not to be the reality which other people around me see.

Charlie's school sees me as the mum from hell, which I can live with.  But to hear again this week that I am once again being threatened with prosecution and jail for doing what I have in relation to her health is rather difficult to live with.  My own reality is intact.  But it is a little bubble, which seems to have no reality for anyone else that I can find.  Present company excepted, of course.

This looks weak and pathetic.  However, in the meeting what 'they' saw was strong.  I said, that is your choice, if you want to go ahead.  But if you do I can only tell the judge the same as I am telling you; that I will not send my child to school while she has chronic pain which the doctors are unable to control, and while the school environment makes this pain worse for her.

That is my reality.  The LEA and school reality, as quoted to me, is that there are 'no grounds whatsoever' for me keeping her at home.  I said, you can hardly call a chronic illness no grounds whatsoever.  Whether the grounds are sufficient may be debateable, but they do not equate to no grounds whatever.

This is not my fantasy.  I wish it were, because then I could magic it away by some positive thinking.  But how do you postive think court action away?  

Sorry.  Being a bit negative at present.  Don't mean to drag things down yet again.

[October]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I absolutely care what is true and not true.  Having been so profoundly deceived by someone  in whom I had complete trust, honesty and truth rate at the top of my list.  

I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to others.  Be it a moral thing, a sense of integrity, self-respect, or whatever, I can tell you that I sure do give a damn.  
Brigid

I too do not lie.  Well, we all lie without knowing it sometimes, and we all tell our neighbours what a lovely outfit, whether we think it is or not, of course.  But I don't lie.

I don't need to.  If I am not believed when I tell the truth, where is the point of lying?   And more importantly, mostly I am not even listened to, let alone believed or not.

[October]

 I had to search out and find others who did care about the truth, those who loved the truth more than themselves.  Those people do exist.

LM

You are right.  There are such people.  Maybe just not enough ...  

The other problem at present is that X wants to visit again, and daughter wants him to.  I really really don't want this to happen, but am having to listen to C and give her opinion the same weight as my own - maybe more because it would be for her benefit.  But it is soooo hard to even think about.  I said I would take her to his flat, but she wants him to visit here, which means another overnight stay.  I can't bear the thought, after the last time.      

And she mentioned it at my parents' house yesterday, and dad said, what, you are not thinking of stopping him coming, are you?  And I said, too right I am.  (Dad always identifies with X (the man) on this.  Never with me, whatever X does.)

This is so hard.  Before it was me against the world for C and myself.  Now even she is on the other side.  Makes it difficult.  Doesn't make me wrong, or what I think untrue.  Makes me more isolated, though.

So, after listening to C, I spoke to X, and said I need three good reasons why he should be allowed to visit, and they had all better be about C.  He said 'I want to see her', and 'I miss her'.  He can't even see the difference.  I said for him to think about it and try to see things from her point of view rather than his own.  Next thing that will happen, if he is true to pattern, will be a letter from his solicitors complaining that I have refused access.  

What is true in all of this?  Where does my reality become visible for anyone else?