Author Topic: How can I persuade my brother to get help?  (Read 6070 times)

Guest2

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #30 on: June 18, 2005, 12:05:24 AM »
Hi Mia,
to me it sounds like there is a lot more to come out of your brother. Is it possible he was abused or something?  
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Kaz

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #31 on: June 18, 2005, 12:16:18 AM »
Hi Mia,
Quote
There's just something about him that makes you want to look out for him. We all did it. Even older brother.


It's obvious that you and your family care a great deal about your brother and really want to help him.
But maybe this is part of the problem? Maybe he just wants to be able to live his life, make his own chioces/mistakes without having the family keeping an eye on what he's doing?
Giving him support is a whole lot different to helping him in what you or the family think would be best for him. He's a grown man now.
I hope I haven't said anything out of line,
Kaz

Anonymous

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #32 on: June 18, 2005, 08:02:37 AM »
Quote
Giving him support is a whole lot different to helping him in what you or the family think would be best for him. He's a grown man now.
I hope I haven't said anything out of line,


Hey Kaz

You could be right.  He was and at times is still babied.....especially by Mom.

mia

P

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #33 on: June 18, 2005, 09:35:22 AM »
Hi Mia, life is messy ... and interesting because it's messy? I think so (on good days). We're all different, that's for sure. And what might be totally f'd up for one person, might be a perfectly sensible life for another (I'm thinking religious hermits vs typical 'ordinary' western people). If your brother was intending in his heart to follow a strict religious path for example, his lifestyle (no sexual relationship, no close freinds) may not be that strange. Just trying to look at things a different way here.

He does seem from what you said to be unsure about himself. If you want to help, all you can do is offer help, but he may not want it. On the other hand, to echo bunny somewhat, he's responsible for his life, you're not responsible for him. You have no obligation, but you care out of choice.

It's possible you could be annoyed with him. Doesn't he realise that you're worried? Doesn't he care that you might be concerned about him? "I'm concerned about you and it's worrying me. Do I need to worry? Please put me out of my confusion and tell me if you're okay or not."

Did he thank you a lot for covering the store? I hope so. If i was him I'd have been very embarrassed to have had to have asked you to do that. I'd want to show my appreciation by giving you a gift, or an outing etc. Relationships are reciprocal :D Hope your weekend gets better, look after yourself Mia, Portia

Anonymous

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #34 on: June 18, 2005, 09:46:43 AM »
Hi Portia

My brother was very grateful and thanked me several times.  He offered me a ridiculously large sum of money.  I told him I'd rather he spend some time with the kids.  He said he would enjoy that.  I plan on holding him to it.  Hmmm....today is a beautiful day for him to take them to the park.  :wink:

Mia

Portia

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #35 on: June 18, 2005, 09:55:11 AM »
:D Go for it Mia :D enjoy your day too!

Anonymous

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #36 on: June 18, 2005, 09:58:59 AM »
Thanks Portia.

You have a good one too.  :D

Anonymous

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #37 on: June 18, 2005, 12:28:12 PM »
Mia,

It's totally natural to want to defend your younger brother when you were a kid. I think it's very sweet of you. Actually you guys seem like close, loving siblings which isn't a problem at all.

What I see is your brother showing everyone that he is suffering torments of hell, and rejecting all offers of real help. I probably shouldn't have used the term passive aggressive as that is vague and who knows what I'm talking about. But I will say that he's putting himself and others into an impossible bind. Maybe he's been in this bind for many years, with his parents, and he's using "coming out of the closet" to finally concretely show everyone what this bind feels like.

All I can tell you is that he can't be rescued by anyone in his family but he can rescue himself if he wants to. I can totally understand your desire to rescue him. I want to myself!

bunny

mum

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How can I persuade my brother to get help?
« Reply #38 on: June 18, 2005, 01:41:01 PM »
Hey, Mia.  I'm not sure why I think the following applies in a way, but maybe it makes sense.

A long time ago, my school has some serious, I mean serious, morale problems, due in no small part to the awful administrator we had at the time.  
A few of us who had some training in Systems thinking tried to make some headway with Peter Senge's philosophy's about learning organizations....(he wrote "the Fifth Discipline" and has some wonderful things to say about organizations).  Anyway, we took everyone through a process of identifying where we were as an organization...it was pretty hard stuff as emotions were running high.
As we went through this.....what we found out (and is pretty well outlined with this type of thinking) is that its simply not enough to identify where you are as an organization (and this is where somehow, I think it applies to relationships) or what the problems may be..........there must be a common goal that is actively WORKED ON...not just talked about.
So when you said you asked your brother to spend time with the kids, it hit me in the same way...there must be an action taken to move forward.
In the case of our school, it was our common focus of being a postive environment for children.....with the WORK or movement forward after that identification of a goal....of getting on with really DOING IT.

Ok, long way around: you support your brother as you love him dearly. You have made that clear to him.  Now the actual demonstration of that comes with: you working for him when he needs you, him taking your kids to the park, etc..  It's the love in ACTION that moves us beyond just discussing it.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but it seems you are a good sister and whatever your brother's issues are....demonstrating that love in action is going to move him and you closer to a goal (showing your love and support...him finding healing in some way?) than just being concerned.

He is a lucky guy, I think, to have a sister like you.